Seven Deadly Sins:Harvard Hires a Lady

Harvard has announced that it will soon have its first female president and, frankly, I'm just embarassed.

The mysoginistic attitudes that led to this are so obvious that they almost need no comment, but this fine blog has always prided itself on confronting the hot-button issues head-on, so... on with the sins countdown!

Lust: 5 pts
It's clear that those sex-starved miscreants at Harvard are engaging in the oldest mysoginistic operation in the world: buying the services of a woman for their own selfish needs. Sure, they claim otherwise -- but they can't hide the real reasons. Richard P. Chait, a professor of higher education at Harvard, said “My own sense is that it... probably is not unrelated to gender." Probably not? And he's a Harvard professor? Duh -- of course it's about gender; it's about those lonely bearded bleeding-heart ivory tower liberals trying to buy something they could never get for free. 371 years is a long time to go without a woman...

Greed: 1 pts
Those high-button-collar types think that having money means they can do whatever they want -- including buying people! Who do they think they are!

Sloth: 5 pts
Too lazy to find a good male candidate? That's pretty damn lazy.

Wrath: 1 pt
The new president will be Drew Gilpin Faust, a historian of the Civil War South. I'm thinking these Cambridge Yankees are just looking to embarass their old Dixie rivals by stealing away one of their southern belles. Anger makes a man do bad things.

Gluttony: 0 pts
I think they might be hungry. Not sure that matters, though.

Envy: 1 pts
Tell me that this student is envious: George Thampy, a freshman, said “I think it’s a great step forward — a bona fide scholar who’s a woman.” Wow -- who would've thought a woman could be a scholar? Certainly not George Thampy; he was just hoping to get a little extra "tutoring" from the new pres. Or so we assume.

Pride: 3 pts
These gents are just too proud to come right out and say that they have to pay women to be around them; instead, they maintain the facade that this is for some sort of academic position. Come on; we all know what's going on. Just two years ago Harvard's then-president Lawrence H. Summers suggested women weren't smart enough to be president of Harvard! And now this?

FINAL SCORE: 16 pts
Sounds like someone needs to remind these ivy-covered folks that we're living in the 21st century, not the Dark Ages.

Seven Deadly Sins:Conservatives For Cancer

I was pleased to hear that Texas Governor Rick Perry issued an executive order making the Lone Star State the first of the fifty to require girls to be vaccinated against the sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer.

And then the other shoe dropped.

Several key Republicans are urging Perry to rescind the order, claiming that mandating the vaccine will trample parents' rights and promote premarital sex.

Lust: 0 pts
A vaccine against a virus that causes cervical cancer should not be plunged into a debate about premarital sex; this has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with women's health -- so lust doesn't figure into it.

Gluttony: 0 pts
Not relevant.

Greed: 0 pts
Perry [allegedly] gets "benefits" from Merck to encourage him to issue the order... I'd give him a point for that, but this is about the conservatives who want him to rescind the order... so no points for greed, since they're motivated by something worse -- stupidity and self-righteousness.

Sloth: 0 pts
The conservatives think the vaccine's slogan should be: "Too lazy to have safe sex? Get the vaccine and don't worry!" But still, it doesn't seem to fair to give any points for sloth.

Wrath: 0 pts
No one seems angry, just greedy and stupid. And I guess stupidity isn't a sin?

Envy: 0 pts
Those conservatives wish they were having some good, clean, DIRTY sex. But that's probably not true... so, no points. Hmmm.... an odd trend.

Pride: 0 pts
Seriously, in this case I'd enjoy seeing someone with a little pride stand up for what they believe in.

FINAL SCORE: 0 pts
Wha? Is the system broken? No, because I'm making a special dispensation to add 50 points for self-righteousness. Take that, you conservative nutjobs!

REVISED FINAL SCORE: 50 pts


[Source]

Seven Deadly Sins:Dodger Stadium

Announcing a new Toner Mishap recurring feature: I'll be analyzing news stories with the help of the classic seven deadly sins, making a determination of how good or bad something is. One point for exhibiting each sin, with additional or partial credit when appropriate.

Our first example of this is the news that Dodger Stadium will be raising ticket prices and providing all-you-can eat Dodger Dogs; let's get started!

Lust: 0
N/A

Gluttony: 1 pt
A new, expensive seating area in the right-field pavilion will include all-you-can-eat Dodger Dogs, peanuts and soda.

Greed: 1 pt
The old $6 cheap seats will now cost $10, and the number of seats with a game-day price no higher than $10 fell from about 9,500 to about 6,200.

Sloth: 1 pt
You don't have to get up to buy your food -- they bring it right to you.

Wrath: 0
N/A

Envy: 0.5 pts
Is this driving further distinction between the "have"s and the "have not"s at the ballgame? Perhaps.

Pride: 0
N/A

FINAL SCORE: 3.5 pts
With exactly half of a possible high score of 7, I rank the new plans at Dodger Stadium rank as moderately sinful, or encouraging moderating sinning.