Tuesday, October 24, 2006

AARP Go Away!

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people.
Maggie Kuhn (1905–1995), civil rights activist

This is my last post on age for at least a week. What’s up with the AARP? They have been chasing me like the posse that was after Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I never applied for membership.

As far as I’m concerned it’s akin to getting notes from the mortuary telling you to start planning now.

Go away!


Anonymous said...

Dear future customer,

Allow us to so presumptuously address you in this fashion. You see, we've found that people of a certain age, such as yourself, can appreciate how sensitive we are to the ageing process -- we know what you're going through, and we're here to help you on the last leg of your journey through this travail known as life. And, we can assure you, you won't have to deal with its tribulations for much longer.

Congratulations on your recent birthday -- we ask you, for your sake and that of your wife and daughter, to contact us about a pre-need plan (although, in your case, it's almost not "pre"-need, is it? More like just "need"?). After all, once you're dead, no one's going to care where you wind up (and though we're fairly busy next week, we're sure we can squeeze you in).

Leonard and Betty Kolcz
Kolcz Funeral Home, Inc.

The Misanthrope said...


Trish said...

I saw an ad on TV yesterday about AARP and said "if you are 40 or older."


People keep telling me not to worry about 40, it's the new 30, so WTF?

Anonymous said...

Gosh, I hope I don't start receiving AARP. That would be creep me out, too. I'm only 48.

Janet said...

Being an AARP recruit can't be ALL bad. At least you get discount prices at the movies soon, right?:)

The Misanthrope said...

Janet, let's not rush any sooner than necessary. I believe the movie and other discounts start at 55+, I'll happily pay full price to not deal with all that, but I don't think I have a choice.

Trish, I keep hearing that too, I don't believe it -- I want to, but...

Rhea, I think you have until 49 1/2 before the applications start arriving.

Mr Kolcz, I have nothing to say to you.

Janet said...

I'm just kidding. I still like it when I get carded for a drink. It makes me feel like I'm beating time rather nicely.:)

Anonymous said...

On The Mark says: Go away! Even though the big 5-0 is 4 months away for me, I just got my AARP card and application in the mail. Go Away!!!!