Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Doll That Poops In Her Pants


My wife and I rejoiced this year when our youngest made it out of diapers -- rejoiced, I say! But the joke was on us, because for Hanukkah my mother-in-law bought for her the Hasbro Baby Alive Doll -- the doll that poops in her pants. For full disclosure, I should point out that she only poops if you feed her first, which we are swearing never to do.

You've probably heard of this doll, as it's not actually new -- they've just made a new version. But the best part of Hanukkah last night was the dramatic reading of the instructions, which I will now share in excerpted form. As with many great works of literature, it's what goes unsaid that is the most fascinating.

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IMPORTANT MEALTIME GUIDELINES

- Always give your doll a bottle of water after she eats, or food may become stuck inside.

- Do not feed doll more than one packet of food and one bottle of water between diaper changes.

IMPORTANT CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS

- To clean doll after feeding, give the doll several bottles of water until any remaining food has been rinsed away and the water runs clear (it's best to do this over the sink). Tilt bottle from side to side to make sure you've rinsed away any food build-up in the corners of the doll's mouth.

- Clean doll's face and body by wiping gently with a soft, damp cloth. Do not rub.

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And one final instruction that just makes me cringe:

- Do not place any foreign objects in doll's mouth or any other opening.

2 comments:

e. fiction said...

So I don't quite understand: do you feed this doll real food, which it then converts to simulated poop? I'm intrigued and terrified at the same time.

B2 said...

Fake food, which you have to purchase from the store, which you mix with water, which runs through the doll's inner plumbing, and comes out the other end.