A Personal Appreciation of Paul Simon

God makes his plan

The information’s unavailable

To the mortal man

We’re working our jobs

Collect our pay

Believe we’re gliding down the highway

When in fact we’re slip slidin’ away

“Slip Slidin’ Away” written by Paul Simon, from the album “Still Cray After All These Years”

I have been familiar with Paul Simon’s music for a number of years maybe beginning in the late ‘60s and certainly continually since the mid-‘70s, when I am guessing his fame was at its pinnacle after having recently separated from his childhood friend and musical partner Art Garfunkel. I attended his concert at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in ’76-’77. I was too musically immature to truly appreciate him and he seemed too soft rock/pop for my tastes at that time. I purchased most of his albums over the years, but rarely kept them on regular rotation.

My music listening has increased tremendously in the last few years. Most likely Apple and its iPod are responsible for my renewed focus on music. Now I focus much more on the lyrics. While I still like a good rock song my aging tastes lean toward acoustic, thoughtful, and insightful. Simon’s song writing fits the bill nicely.

Simon’s latest CD and tour titled “So Beautiful or So What” intrigued me enough to experience both. I purchased two tickets and invited my cousin from Oregon to accompany me to the April concert. The show was very good until the encore, and then it was amazing. Simon walked out by himself with an acoustic guitar and started into “The Sound of Silence.” I was stunned by the beauty and poetic nature of the song that I overlooked until now:

Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone

'Neath the halo of a street lamp

I turned my collar to the cold and damp

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light

That split the night

And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more

People talking without speaking

People hearing without listening

People writing songs that voices never share

And no one dared

Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know

Silence like a cancer grows

Hear my words that I might teach you

Take my arms that I might reach you"

But my words, like silent raindrops fell

And echoed

In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed

To the neon god they made

And the sign flashed its warning

In the words that it was forming

And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls

And tenement halls"

And whispered in the sound of silence

Prior to that concert the only version I had heard was the version with Garfunkel, it was nice just not poignant to me. The version on his latest collection of songs “Paul Simon Songwriter” is the song I heard him sing, twice and both were spellbinding. There is also a version on his album “Paul Simon Songbook” that sounds stark and angry, which also works.

While I didn’t initially appreciate the song many others have for decades. According to Wikipedia: "The Sound of Silence" is the song that propelled Simon & Garfunkel to popularity. It was written in February 1964 by Paul Simon in the aftermath of the 1963 assassination of John F. Kennedy. While the song was a hit and is the 18^th most recorded song with five million plus performances, according BMI, it still feels underrated and taken for granted.

Having now seen Simon twice in concert this year, once in April and again in October because I wanted my Love to experience the musical beauty of that song and the entire concert. The second time around I was able to better appreciate the songs and the band. The autumn show was looser and tighter. The band’s stage presence seemed more relaxed, despite guitarist/multi-instrumentalist Mark Stewart suffering a rather significant bike riding accident earlier that day.

I am making up for all the unappreciated Simon years by listening frequently to my Paul Simon playlist. A number of his songs have lyrics that are poignant and poetic. He captures a feeling that is universal in a very poetic manner. The song “I Am a Rock” is a perfect companion to “The Sound of Silence.”.

A winter's day

In a deep and dark December;

I am alone,

Gazing from my window to the streets below

On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I've built walls,

A fortress deep and mighty,

That none may penetrate.

I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

Don't talk of love,

Well, I've heard the word before.

It's sleeping in my memory.

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.

If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me;

I am shielded in my armor,

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.

I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock,

I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;

And an island never cries.

Simon has been a singer/song writer for nearly 50 years now, depending when on when you start the clock, and as popular, talented, and world renown yet I believe he is still underrated.

His music is very melodic and his voice is soft. Unlike Bob Dylan, Simon has not been in the news much for an infamous personal life. The only three major headlines I can think of for Simon include the breakup of Simon and Garfunkel, the divorce from Princess Lea (Carrie Fisher), and the non-controversy of his incorporating South African music into his CD; really he was exploring and pushing the limits of his creativity. So, no headlines, smooth voice, and literary lyrics combine to stifle the attention his work receives.

Additionally there is nothing racy about his lyrics. He mentions “stepping out to smoke a J” in “Late in the Evening,” and “Duncan” starts off about a couple that could win a prize for going at it all night long; “Old” references the first time he tried marijuana and his feeling of paranoia. These are genteel compared to say Dylan’s “Let’s Go Get Stoned” or many, many other songs.

The painter/photographer Chuck Close writes in the forward to Paul Simon’s book “Paul Simon Lyrics 1964-2008,” that no less a composer than Philip Glass has called Paul the greatest songwriter of our time.

And I am heading for a place of quiet

Where the sage and sweet grass grow

By a lake of scared water

From the mountain’s melted snow

“Quiet” by Paul Simon

Los Angeles in the Mist

“If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake”

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (1890[1] – 1977) comedian and film star

I realize now it’s me that cannot drive in the rain.

I need a frontal lobotomy, near-blinding cataracts, and paralysis of my right foot to prevent movement from one pedal to the next.

Fat Elvish

Hello

It has been a while, so I just wanted to say hello. One of these days, I'll get around to posting here rather than on FB.

"Precious Little Torah" -- Torah Dance Song Remix!

Made a little something to help my synagogue promote its Torah restoration project (restoring a 350 year-old Torah that survived the Holocaust!).

Get the mp3 here!

(And to find out how you can write a letter in our Holocaust Torah, visit my synagogue's website.)

"Deer Hunter" for Kids

This guy is not my favorite internet personality, but he has a point about the inappropriate nature of this kids' toy.

2010 Reading List

“Real luxury is time and opportunity to read for pleasure”
Jane Brody, author

This is the time of year that I review all the books that I read through the previous year. This year I hit a personal high of 17 full books read.

Last year’s reading started with “Last Night Twisted River” by John Irving, which To paraphrase and take out of context, New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani, called this book a deeply felt and often moving story. In my notes about the books I read, I wrote this about Irving’s novel – It was a one family saga that at times was very moving. Pay attention to the first sentence – I do recall thinking about the story for a while I after finished it, which is always a good sign for me.

“The Humbling” by Philip Roth. Roth is an amazing writer. He is credibly smooth story telling. This is another story of an aging male, this one an actor, who realizes he lost his magic. I rather enjoyed it.

“The Meaning of Night, A Confession” by Michael Cox. I was in the mood for a mystery after Irving and Roth. From my notes, this story takes place in 19^th Century England. Two murders take place in this heartbreaking story of how unfair the world can be.

“Point Omega” by Don DeLillo. This is a novella that provides no answers to the questions raised, but the language is wonderful and so are the descriptions.

“Ordinary Thunderstorms” by William Boyd. This novel captures how a life can turn around in a heartbeat from good to unbelievably bad.

“Miss O’Dell: My Hard Days and Long Nights with The Beatles, The Stones, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton and the Women They Loved” by Chris O’Dell with Katherine Ketcham. This was fun reading and provided a bit of insight into the lives of mostly The Beatles, who she worked for at Apple for a number of years. I found out that George Harrison told Ringo that he loved Ringo’s wife. Eric Clapton fell in love with George Harrison’s wife. Chris O’Dell fell in love with Leon Russell. Besides who fell for whom there was who played on whose albums.

“A Reliable Wife” by Robert Goolrick. This was one of my favorites for the year because it was the one I still continue to think about. From the dusk jacket: For Ralph Truitt, the wealthy businessman who had advertised for “a reliable wife,” this was also to be a new beginning. Years of solitude, denial, and remorse, would be erased, and Catherine Land, whoever she might be, would be the vessel of his desires, the keeper of his secrets, the means to recover what was lost.

“The Things They Carried” by Tim O’ Brien, the 20^th anniversary edition. I must have been watching The Pacific on HBO and got into a combat mood. Once I got into it I realized that I read much of it previously in various excerpted short stories about Vietnam. It captures the turmoil teenagers had to deal with regarding the draft and combat. This is very good and a classic.

“The Imperfectionists” by Tom Rachman. Each chapter is about another person in the newsroom. It started out slow, but I got into by the end. I think the reviews were a bit over the top. From the NYTimes Notable Books: This intricate novel is built around the personal stories of staff members at an improbable English-language newspaper in Rome, and of the family who founded it in the 1950s.

“Matterhorn” by Karl Marlantes is a book about second lieutenant Waino Mellas and his comrades in Barvo Company. The year is 1969 and Mellas, a reservist with an Ivy League education has been assigned to lead a rifle platoon of forty Marines, most of whom are teenagers. If you ever wondered what war was like and how you might hold up, I highly recommend this book. The story is all fiction, but you know it was written with a lot of truth from experience. Marlantes is a graduate of Yale University and a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford University. He served as a Marine in Vietnam, where he was awarded the Navy Cross, the Bronze Star, two Navy Commendation Medals for valor, two purple Hearts, and ten air medals. This was his first novel. In my notes, I wrote that it was terrible what soldiers had to endure, which included battle, the elements, and management (higher ranking officers).

“Mr. Peanut” by Adam Ross. A first novel. It’s very good and extremely well written. This is a book that needs to be read twice to see all the clues. Or, you can do what daughter does, which is read the ending first so you can see the tricks and clues as you go along.

“Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand” by Helen Simonson. A delightful old fashion love story set in an English village. I rather enjoyed and savored this book.

“The Brooklyn Follies” by Paul Auster. He captures marriage and divorce and even older kids. A truly satisfying book.

“All is Forgotten, Nothing is Lost” by Lan Samantha Chang. Another favorite that I thoroughly enjoyed; from the dusk jacket: At the renowned writing school in Bonnerville, every student is simultaneously terrified of and attracted to the charismatic and mysterious poet and professor Miranda Sturgis, whose high standards for art are both intimidating and inspiring. In my notes, I wrote that I thought this was a great companion piece to Nicholson Baker’s “The Anthropologist.”

“The Vaults” by Toby Ball. A first novel. Not sure how I found this book, it may have been by cruising through Amazon. In either case, the book was not what I expected, but not all that unsatisfying either. Probably the weakness of the books I read this year.

“The Fall of Giants” by Ken Follett. After thoroughly enjoying “World without End” and “Pillars of the Earth,” I had to get this first book of a planned trilogy. This starts off during World War One. Not as good as former two books, but a nice set up to the next installment.

“Sunset Park” by Paul Auster was not as an enjoyable read as "The Brooklyn Follies," but this was still interesting only because it was very easy reading. No doubt an English class would have a lot of material here for analyzing this book, but for me it was a pleasant book and capped off my 2010 reading list.

Bits and pieces

The following are the books that I read when I don't feel like reading a novel. So, the myriad books that I have picked up and put down and picked up again include:

“Secret Historian: The life and Times of Samuel Steward, Professor Tattoo Artist, and Sexual Renegade” by Justin Spring. This book was nominated for a few awards and raved about by critics. It was a mesmerizing and shocking book. Right from the dusk jacket: Drawn from the secret, never-before seen diaries, journals, and sexual records of the novelist, poet, and university professor Samuel M. Steward, Secret Historian is a sensational reconstruction of one of the most extraordinary hidden lives of the twentieth century. As an intimate fried of Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Tokias, and Thornton Wilder, Steward maintained a secret sex life from childhood on and documented his experiences in brilliantly vivid (and often funny) detail. Steward worked closely with Alfred Kinsey on his landmark sex research.

“Life” By Keith Richards. I am not sure there is anything more to be said about this book. It's interesting, but I like it only in pieces.

"Dino, Living High in the Dirty Business of Dreams" by Nick Tosches. Dean Martin's life is every bit as interesting, maybe more so, than Keith Richards. Richards was certainly more creative.

"Origins of the Specious: Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language" by Patricia T. Conner and Stewart Kellerman. When did we Americans lose our British accent? Answer: we didn't lose it. The British once spoke pretty much as we do. The English accent that we now associate with educated British speech is a relatively new phenomenon and didn't develop until after the American Revolution.

"The Grand Design" by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow. We are more insignificant that we ever imagined.

VOTE

It's your civic duty.

Doesn't anyone read the Constitution anymore?

From NPR.org:

Just when you thought Christine O'Donnell, the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in Delaware, could do nothing further to top herself, she does.

At a Tuesday morning debate with her Democratic rival Chris Coons, she appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.

Making matters worse, the audience was actually filled with people with presumably more than a passing familiarity with the Constitution: law professors and students.

The Washington Post reports:

The exchange came in a debate before an audience of legal scholars and law students at Widener University Law School, as O'Donnell criticized Democratic nominee Chris Coons' position that teaching creationism in public school would violate the First Amendment by promoting religious doctrine.

Coons said private and parochial schools are free to teach creationism but that "religious doctrine doesn't belong in our public schools."

"Where in the Constitution is the separation of church and state?" O'Donnell asked him.

When Coons responded that the First Amendment bars Congress from making laws respecting the establishment of religion, O'Donnell asked: "You're telling me that's in the First Amendment?"

Her comments, in a debate aired on radio station WDEL, generated a buzz in the audience.

"You actually audibly heard the crowd gasp," Widener University political scientist Wesley Leckrone said after the debate, adding that it raised questions about O'Donnell's grasp of the Constitution.

Not only is this extraordinary because O'Donnell is running for the U.S. Senate, but she represents a political movement, the Tea Party, that has made a fierce adherence to the Constitution one of its fiercest principles.

Comics + Papercutting = Art The Work of Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik

“You did WHAT to my comics?”
Fine Art Mash-up ∙ New Work by Isaac Brynjegard-Bialik

Opening Reception at Brave New World Comics
on Saturday, September 11, from 7 to 10 pm

Show Open from September 11 through October 9

Brave New World Comics
22722 Lyons Avenue
Newhall, CA 91321
661-259-4745

A Time That Will Be Nevermore

“I'm in awe of people out there who deal with Alzheimer's, because they have to deal with death 10 times over, year after year.”
Marcia Wallace, actress

After I wrote my brief tribute to Fess Parker here, I soon ordered the series from Netflix, well season one, and then I outright purchased season two. As much as I can make it a routine, I come home, make dinner, and turn on Daniel Boone.

When I told people about my ritual of watching Daniel Boone, I joked and said I was reliving my childhood, but today after visiting my dad and realizing, truly realizing he is not the man he was, he is barely a shadow of himself. Add in other circumstances that have transpired in my life recently and I now recognize I wasn't kidding.

My youth was a safe time. A time of no worries other than where I would ride my bike to the next day, wondering what time my grandparents were coming over, or what toys of mine my brother borrowed without asking me, not that I would have shared if he did ask. Some mornings, I would lay in bed and hear my father drive off to work, while it was barely light, to ply his trade day in and day out to make sure we had a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, and toys to play with. In the evening, I’d see his truck turn the corner and pull into the driveway, I would go running home just to say hello. After a long week, he worked around the house throughout the weekend to make sure the place was well maintained and neat.

Tonight, I watched a Daniel Boone episode and I definitely knew it’s a way of revisiting the simpler times of my life before I understood what politics were, before I could fathom the battle of the roses, before I understood greed, and the cruelty that people and nature can inflict. Today I visited my father and it’s barely him. Bit by bit, day by day, he is rapidly (rapidly is subjective) disappearing even if he is still here physically. The happy ending of tonight’s show made it crystal clear why I escape to Boonesborough for an hour each night – because all was right in my world during this time, a time that will be nevermore.

Happy Birthday to Mrs. B2!

Happy Birthday to the love of my life, my wonderful wife!

A Post About Dr. Demento

OK, it's been *ages* since I last thought about Dr. Demento, but I used to be a big fan -- bought his vinyl, listened to his radio show on KMET on Sunday nights, became fans of bands I first heard on his program (Weird Al, I'm talking to you)...

Apparently times have not been good for him, as I discovered from Waxy.org today, and when I clicked over to his site and started to read -- well, it's not exactly news that he's not the big draw he used to be, but check out how depressed he (or his webmaster) sounds about everything; these are excerpts from recent posts

...This was a very painful decision for the Doctor...

...The broadcast has been losing money for some time...

...As CD's continue their slow fade from the marketplace, Rhino Records has notified us that the "Dr. Demento 25th Anniversary Collection" set has been discontinued, effective immediately. We are permanently out of stock and can no longer supply copies of this set...

...We have had multiple problems filling orders for the new Demento Society membership kit...

...Yes, I know it's late. It's very, very late...

You can read more over here on his website (but I'm not sure you'll want to).

Dear British Petroleum(It's Not Your Fault)

Dear BP,

Don't feel bad -- it's not your fault. After all, you don't know anything about keeping oil in the ground; your job is to get it *out* of the ground.

So... good job! It's out of the ground. Now stop trying to keep the oil in the ground. Please start putting it in barrels so we can buy it.

After all, getting oil out of inconvenient places in the ground and into barrel is what you do best -- especially in challenging situations like the one we're faced with right now.

So remember -- play to your strengths, and pack up that oil!

Sincerely,
B2

P.S. If all of the extra oil on the market makes the price go down a bit, I'm sure you'll be OK; you've got some of your money put away for a rainy day, right?

Rolling Stones Warning Regarding Exile on Main St.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Words Mick Jagger lives by. W. C. Fields 1880 – 1946), comedian.


I love the music. The “new” songs are pretty good too. But, don’t buy the deluxe package expecting to see the full-length features of “Cocksucker Blues” or “Ladies & Gentleman The Rolling Stones.” This is nothing more than a movie trailer for the two movies. The hardcover photos deliver the same old photos everyone has seen a million times.

Arizona IS on the path to Nazi Germany, regardless of what some say.

Rabbi Cooper, you're wrong (as quoted in the Los Angeles Times). I know we all make comparisons to Nazi Germany far too often, but this is a case in which it's appropriate. And though I was uncomfortable saying it loud, I refuse to sit by and not say anything. First, your rights are abrogated based on how you look. The... next step could well be, "All you foreigners who are here legally can wear this badge so we know who you are." It's a dangerous, slippery slope, and if we ignore this just because improper comparisons have been made before and we're afraid to tell it like it is, we're allowing evil to flourish.

(If you want to read what he said, check it out here.)

Picasso, Einstein, Rockefeller, Hitler

There aren't that many people who wind up having their name take on greater metaphorical or idiomatic meaning, such that you can say, "You're such a ___________."

I've got four names on the list so far: Picasso, Einstein, Rockefeller, Hitler. Can you think of more?

(Weirder still, Rockefeller is a name we all know, with a face most of us *don't* know.)

You Are Not My Friend

You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend that you are.
Norah Jones, singer, song writer

I read an interesting post over at Random Thoughts titled “Dad’s Not Your Friend” regarding parents being friends with their kids. Even the Wall Street Journal has an article this week about parents being hip with their kids:



This less-defiant generation is influencing plots, changing what types of shows get made and prompting networks like MTV that have long specialized in youthful rebellion to rethink their approach. The new, more-sanguine shows still broach racy topics like sex, drug use and teen pregnancy, but they appease parents by always presenting consequences. Parents typically have prominent roles and just as many tawdry story lines as the teens—and look almost like older siblings. …For decades, TV has depicted teens as angst-ridden and rebellious, and parents as out-of-touch and unhip…

While I always thought I was knowledgeable, if not hip, when it came to pop culture, by my late-20s I was falling behind. When daughter was four or five, I thought Snoop Dog was a new name for Charlie Brown’s dog Snoopy. We had a short who’s the boss moment about what she could or could not listen to; I prevailed and she no longer owned a Snoop Dog tape.

I never viewed myself as daughter’s friend, buddy, chum, colleague, or comrade ever:

• We share secrets – but only important family secrets: “let’s have a Ding Dong, but don’t tell mom.”

• We go to sporting events – but we don’t have beers. We boo and cheer, share a hot dog and peanuts.

• We might have a drink over dinner – but we don’t go drinking.

• We go to concerts – but we don’t get drunk or smoke anything, but we do have a good time singing and dancing. She has seen the Rolling Stones and Ray Davies three times.

While daughter is grown, it seems financial assistance is still required. Granted, she is still in school, and that seems like it is going on forever (Bachelor’s, Master’s, and next May, a law degree). I have nothing to complain about. She is a good kid and works hard, but we are not pals.

I view friendship differently -- more informal and certainly much less responsibility. I would never want to burden her with my problems and issues. I am her father and I will always be her father. That is a relationship that is so much more meaningful and important than being her friend.

Emails from an Asshole

"Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life."
Dorothy Parker (1893–1967), writer, poet

No, these are not my e-mails or my book, however, I wish I had thought of it. It very much reminds me of The Lazlo Letters by Don Novello, who also played Father Guido Sarducci on Saturday Night Live.

The Lazlo Letters were stilted letters to celebrities under the pen name of Lazlo Toth (name taken from that of Laszlo Toth, a deranged man who vandalized Michelangelo's Pietà in Rome). The letters, designed to tweak the noses of politicians and corporations, were full of deliberate misstatements of fact and inside jokes. Many of these letters received serious responses; Novello sometimes continued the charade correspondence at length, with humorous results (from Wikipedia).

I encourage for a good laugh to check out a few of the other letters. One my favorites thus far is the "Wood Chipper Rental."

Original ad:
Garage sale on Saturday April 17th from 10 am to 4 pm. Lots of clothes, furniture, electronics, and more. The address is 341 ********* Drive. Email me if you need directions. Now before you think this woman doesn't deserve it, she spammed this ad everywhere, every day. I was sick of seeing it. From Me to ***********@**********.org:


Hello,

I live a few blocks away from you and couldn't help but notice you are having a garage sale this Saturday. I am going to have to kindly ask you to change the date of your garage sale. I am having my annual world class garage sale on that day, and I do not want you to take away any of the customers that would be coming to my garage sale.

If you could hold your garage sale some time during May or June, that would be great.

Thanks,
Mike

From Karen ******** to Me: I'm not changing the date. There is plenty of room for both of our garage sales. From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

There is not enough room for both of our garage sales. As I said earlier, my garage sale is a "world class" event. It draws in garage sale connoisseurs from all over the region. I have already booked a bartender and a string quartet for my sale on Saturday. My garage sale is a classy experience, and I do not want that experience to be ruined for customers who mistake your garage sale for mine. Now I'm not saying your garage sale isn't going to be nice, but I highly doubt you have a bartender and string quartet at your sale.

Please take down all of the ads in the neighborhood for your sale to avoid any confusion for my customers.

Mike

From Karen ******** to Me: How rude of you to even make this request. I have the right to have a garage sale when ever I want to. What gives you the nerve to think you can tell me what to do?

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen,

You are correct, you do have the right to do whatever you want. I realize that I cannot change your mind about this.

I can, however, put up this ad all over the neighborhood. Let me know what you think of it:

Best,
Mike

From Karen ******** to Me: What the hell is the matter with you? I swear if I see any of those ads in the neighborhood I will tear them down and report you. Do not speak to me again about this. You have been warned.

From Me to Karen *******:

Karen

I'm willing to cut you a deal and get you a spot on the guest list for my world class garage sale if you cancel yours.

Mike

From Karen ******* to Me: Screw you and screw your world class garage sale, you world class prick.

Exile on Main Street Redux

“Of course, they look a little different, ... We all do.”
Keith Richards, Rolling Stone

Exile on Main St. is the Holy Grail of the Rollings Stones LPs, CDs, MP3s, etc. Now, The Rolling Stones are going to re-release it with 10 unearthed tracks and everything remastered.

Enjoy! I have and will


Here is the official video release of the single "Plundered My Soul":

Ice Cube - Then and Now

Saw this somewhere pretty small, so I rebuilt it to share with y'all.

Klosterman:Technology vs. Freedom

I'm enjoying Chuck Klosterman's latest collection of essays, Eating the Dinosaur. In particular, the essay titled "FAIL." Here's an excerpt:

When it's warm out I like to sit inside air-conditioned rooms. Yet what am I giving up in order to have a 70-degree living room in July?

Nothing that's particularly important to me.

For the air conditioner to work, I need to live in a building that has electricity, so I have to be connected to the rest of society. That's fine. That's no problem. Of course, to be accepted by that society, I have to accept the rules and laws of community living. That's fine, too. Now, to thrive and flourish and afford my electric bill, I will also have to earn money. But that's okay -- most jobs are social and many are enriching and necessary. However, the only way to earn money is to do something (or provide something) that is valued by other people. And since I don't get to decide what other people value, what I do to make a living is not really my decision. So -- in order to have air-conditioning -- I will agree to live in a specific place with other people, following whatever rules happen to exist there, all while working at a job that was constructed by someone else for their benefit.

In order to have a 70-degree living room, I give up almost everything.

Yet nothing that's particularly important to me.

What do you think? Is he crazy, or did he hit the nail on the head?

I just don't understand Japanese commercials.

King of the Wild Frontier RIP

Take another little piece of my heart now, baby.
Janis Joplin (1943-1970), from her famous song “Piece of my Heart”

I was saddened to see the headline of Fess Parker’s death yesterday. I was a fan of his Daniel Boone television series Thursday nights on NBC. It was sort a family hour for us. My father would watch the show with us, peel apples and cut them into slices for handing a piece in alternating order to my brother and me as Boone tricked the British and attempted to deal with the Indians fairly in Kentucky and around Boonesborough.

We felt a connection to the frontiersman because our father was from Kentucky. As a youngster I had every intention of moving to Kentucky someday. I also recall reading some lame biography of Daniel Boone from the elementary school library. Do public elementary schools have libraries today? Still, I have an interest in Daniel Boone as I purchased the 2007 biography “Boone, A Biography” by Robert Morgan.

Parker’s Davy Crockett days were a bit before my time, but once Daniel Boone became a hit Crockett was rerun occasionally on “The Wonderful World of Walt Disney” on Sunday nights and I was able to catch up on a craze that was a hit before I was born. Crockett had an influence on Boone because the Kentuckian never wore a coonskin cap.

Time marches on and as family members and TV icons leave their mortal coils, I have an even greater appreciation of our relatively brief and temporary time allotted to us.

The Good Ol' Stones

The Raisin Family Celebrates Passover

Time to make a buck, if I can -- this time, by selling hilarious Passover stuff! After all, why bother having a blog if you can't use it to shamelessly promote your goods and services, right? First though, because I know that explaining a joke makes it even funnier, here's the explanation (for those who may stop by this blog but not be up on their Hebrew language skills):

The cartoon predicates itself on the knowledge that at Passover we sing "Avadim Hayinu" -- translated as "we were slaves." When the Raisin family celebrates Passover, they sing the very similar-sounding "Anavim Hayinu" -- translated as "we were grapes." Get it? Hilarious! Trust me -- your rabbi will be in stitches. And it comes with a Hebrew caption or one in English transliteration (as shown above).

Well, maybe it's funny only to those of us Hebrew language geeks who think it's amusing to say "Hodu l'adonai" on Thanksgiving (someone can explain that one in the comments section if they want to).

So what can you buy with this great cartoon on it? Lots of stuff, and all right here: greeting cards, tote bags, shirts, mouse pads... But buy early, so that you get your goods before Passover!

Why Dodger Ticket Prices are Rising

“Poverty wants much; but avarice, everything”
Publilius Syrus, Roman author, 1st century B.C.

Ms Dodger half owner (Jamie McCourt) listed her expenses and asked the court for $988,845. Here are some of her MONTHLY expenses:

- Expenses for Holmby Hills home - $202,715
- Expenses for L.A. home - $9,007
- Expenses for Malibu home

- $151,054
- Expenses for other Malibu home - $88,106
- Expenses for Cape Cod house - $93,279
- Expenses for Willowbend house (we don't even know where that is) - $5,048
- Expenses for Vail house - $7,784
- Expenses for Cabo house - $2,530

A Long Short Story

“Real luxury is time and opportunity to read for pleasure”
Jane Brody, author

Just finished Point Omega by Don DeLillo.



"Everybody remembers the killer's name, Norman Bates, but nobody remembers the victim's name. Anthony Perkins is Norman Bates, Janet Leigh is Janet Leigh."

MacGruber celebrates Havdalah

Temple Ahavat Shalom is celebrating Purim this Saturday, February 27, from 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. Details at tasnorthridge.org

UGLY FURNITURE

ROTFLMAO

Louie Helps the Saints March on In

Charlie Brooker - How To Report The News

OMG -- awesomely funny to anyone who watches/critiques/enjoys/hates the news.

Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger

CORNISH, NH — In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.

[From The Onion]

Olbermann's Sorry

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”
Winston Churchill (1874-1965), British Prime Minister during World War II


Jon Stewart sets Keith Olbermann straight. Would any of the Republican pundits ever apologize or admit mistakes, not counting mistresses or pay offs to girlfriends?

Tax the Churches

“When facism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”
Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951) writer

California’s Proposition 8 legal challenge exposes the churches not so secret attempt to influence politics and law. Religious experts who supported the church’s stance have since withdrawn from the case, I am guessing because they cracked under questioning and admitted that some churches contributed to discrimination against gays and that religion also has been used to justify discrimination against African Americans and women.


According to the LATimes article, documents unveiled that Catholic and Mormon churches played a major role in passing Proposition 8.

This further makes the case that churches need to pay taxes, both property and income.

Rainy Day in LA

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), poet


The rain is a welcomed weather change in Los Angeles, expect for those who live near fire ravaged hills. We need the rain and it's unfortunate we cannot order it in moderation.

It has been coming down in proverbial buckets. I pulled the screen off the den window to attempt an interesting rain puddle picture, but instead ended up realizing the multiple colors in my front yard.

Secret Jesus Messages on U.S. Military Weapons

This is what Jesus would have wanted!

See ABC News for the depth of this insidious righteousness.

Books Read in 2009

“If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.”
Lily Tomlin, comedian, actress

I am bit behind, but here is my annual listing of books read in 2009:

1) Death with Interruptions by Jose Saramago
2) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
3) Miles from Nowhere by Nami Mun
4) Fifty Days of Solitude by Doris Grumbach
5) Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier
6) The Whiskey Rebels by David Liss
7) The Scarecrow by Michael Connelly
8) The Void Moon by Michael Connelly
9) The Angel’s Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
10) World without End by Ken Follett
11) The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
12) The Little Book by Selden Edwards
13) The Anthologist by Nicholson Baker
14) The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest by Stieg Larsson (not out in the U.S. until May, but you can order from Amazon UK)



The first book I completed in 2010 was Last Night in Twisted River by John Irving.

Not a bad book in the bunch.

Free Plug for Vampire Weekend

I like them, so I don't mine promoting them.

Another View of the Getty

Art has a double face, of expression and illusion, just like science has a double face: the reality of error and the phantom of truth.
Publilius Syrus, writer of maxims, flourished in the 1st century BC

I have been so unexpectedly absorbed by the Getty Gardens. I had been there twice previously and never noticed the gardens. There is so much to take in when you first arrive at the top of the hill and enter the main plaza.

















There is the breathtaking view. Facing east you can see downtown LA and walk across the plaza and you see the Pacific Ocean. In between there is Westwood, the South Bay, and the hidden homes in the hills surrounding the 700 plus acres of the Getty conservatory.

It was a beautiful day in January that daughter and I visited. The flier listing the day’s activities suggested the Garden tour. Had I not taken the tour I may have never noticed that from one angle a row of trees stand as one. A step to the side reveals a row of trees.

Bing.com Commercial (The Shining Spoof)

Awesomeness, even if I still prefer Google (and I do).

Getty Museum's Central Garden

Gardening is the art that uses flowers and plants as paint, and the soil and sky as canvas.
Elizabeth Murray (1940 – 2007), painter, printmaker, and draughtsman

I spent two days at the Getty Museum, well, four plus hours on Tuesday and three hours on Wednesday, and photographed the Getty Garden. Even though the trees were stripped of leaves there was still plenty of muted color, as it turns out by design.

The garden fascinated me. I thought it was just from a photographic point of view. From the museum store I purchased the book “Plants in the Getty’s Central Garden.” I read one of the early chapters "A Gardener Meets an Artist" and I was amazed at the planning, designing, investigating, and positioning to create a garden that most people will walk through and admire, but will never investigate further the years of punctilious perfectionism that created the Central Garden and the Stream Garden.

I will share notes from the book as it relates to my photos. I love the serendipity of going to the Getty the first week into 2010 and taking pictures of trees and shrubs purposely designed to heighten winter’s effect in California’s deciduous climate. I will go back again in March, April, and May. Oh, but I want to see how the canvas will change further in June and July. The New Year is already off to a sterling start.

Enjoy the photos, but real thing is an inspiration.

411 on the 405

"If it used to take you 15 minutes to get over the Sepulveda Pass, just automatically tell yourself that it will take twice as long. It's the new reality."

15 minutes? In what reality is that even possible? I would LOVE for it to only take 30 minutes to get through the Sepulveda Pass!

Check it out: three years of construction on the 405.

Musical Typewriters

"I get up in the morning, torture a typewriter until it screams, then stop."
Clarence Budington Kelland (1881-1964), writer

My computer is acting like a typewriter... This morning the keys were just singing.

Are there any musicals where they make computers look fun? Most of the time they are a take off on the evil HAL from "2001."



And my all time favorite that I only discovered after B2 recommended it.

Rush Limbaugh -- A Man to Trust

“The true hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, the one who lies with sincerity”
Andre Gide, (1869-1951) writer, humanist and moralist, 1947 Nobel prize for literature

Rush Limbaugh after he was admitted to a Hawaii hospital for chest pains "found absolutely nothing wrong," according to the radio host. Obviously they did not check his head.

"The treatment I received here was the best that the world has to offer," he said. "I don't think there's one thing wrong with the American health care system. It is working just fine."

Hmm, let’s see – a multimillionaire, mouthpiece for right wing nut jobs everywhere, one of the most famous radio personalities in the country – what hospital would not provide their best care? NONE!

Maybe he should try my local hospital; my town is very conservative, hell we even have Mecca for conservatives – The Reagan Library. If he was not famous or rich, he would be assigned to the waiting room whether he came in via the ambulance or not. If he were lucky a doctor might look at him, but most likely it would be a nurse.

Yet sadly, millions of Americans, insurance companies, and drug manufacturers will agree with the blowhard conservative that there is nothing wrong with our health-care system.

Welcome 2010!

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
Oprah Winfrey, Queen of all media

As we eagerly await 2010 and head into year six at Toner Mishap, I will attempt to start writing here more frequently. Not that anyone has really complained about the lack thereof, but it’s my way to share bits and pieces of life as I see it through my tinctured glasses.

The last two years have been exceptionally busy and stressful at work. There are some very hopeful signs 2010 will be different. Potential help is on the way and other encouraging signs that the workload will be a bit more manageable.

This all means that I plan to have more personal time for writing and photography in the coming New Year and throughout the decade. I have some goals I anticipate meeting; a few that I will share are:

Grant writing – Work to become a nonprofit grant writer in my spare time, which I hope will lead to ways to spend my semi-retirement years. My goal is to write at least two grants this year.

Reading – Increase my reading total from 13-15 books a year to 20.

Riding – Get on my bike much more this year. I started out with good intentions, but emergency gallbladder surgery put a major crimp in my plans. Not sure I want to push myself for 60- or 100-miles rides, but who knows.

Publishing – I want to publish my own little iBook of photos and essays.

Spending – Spend much less in 2010.

I wish you all a very happy and healthy New Year!

Thank You Democrats!

From the New York Times:

The Senate voted Thursday to reinvent the nation’s health care system, passing a bill to guarantee access to health insurance for tens of millions of Americans and to rein in health costs as proposed by President Obama.

The budget office estimates that the bill would provide coverage to 31 million uninsured people.

And Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, Democrat of Rhode Island, said the business model of the health insurance industry deserved to die.

“It deserves a stake through its cold and greedy heart,” Mr. Whitehouse said.

A State of Happiness

“One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to.”
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, novelist, dramatist, and historian

New research by the UK’s University of Warwick and Hamilton College in the U.S. has used the happiness levels of a million individual U.S. citizens to discover which are the best and worst states in which to live in the United States. New York and Connecticut come bottom of a life-satisfaction league table, and Hawaii and Louisiana are at the top. The analysis reveals also that happiness levels closely correlate with objective factors such as congestion and air quality across the U.S.’s 50 states.

The full report can be found here: full report or the New York Times story can be found here

1 Louisiana
2 Hawaii
3 Florida
4 Tennessee
5 Arizona
6 Mississippi
7 Montana
8 South Carolina
9 Alabama
10 Maine
11 Alaska
12 North Carolina
13 Wyoming
14 Idaho
15 South Dakota
16 Texas
17 Arkansas
18 Vermont
19 Georgia
20 Oklahoma
21 Colorado
22 Delaware
23 Utah
24 New Mexico
25 North Dakota
26 Minnesota
27 New Hampshire
28 Virginia
29 Wisconsin
30 Oregon
31 Iowa
32 Kansas
33 Nebraska
34 West Virginia
35 Kentucky
36 Washington
37 District of Columbia (not a state, just a state of confusion)
38 Missouri
39 Nevada
40 Maryland
41 Pennsylvania
42 Rhode Island
43 Massachusetts
44 Ohio
45 Illinois
46 California
47 Indiana
48 Michigan
49 New Jersey
50 Connecticut
51 New York

Please set aside one hour of your life immediately for the greatest piece of film analysis. Ever.

Hat tip to dreidelhustler.

The Party of NOPE

What John McCain gets for leading his party of nattering nabobs of negativism -- the party of NOPE

Wonderful Writing

I unplugged my computer. “I unhooked the power cord and the two external drives that I have, and the optical mouse with the little red eye in its belly, and the speakers, and the monitors, and the scanner, and the printer, and the keyboard… and I laughed pityingly at them…My computer was as if amputated--all of its ways of connecting to the world were gone, and it was just a black obelisk with a rich man's name on it. It couldn’t reason, it couldn’t speak, it was imprisoned in its frozen memories, its self was in a state of suspension. It could not add anything to what it had done, or remember anything that it had done.”

Nicholson Baker from “The Anthologist”

Happy Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

Topics of Conversation at My Cousin's House on Any Given Holiday

By Jason Rohrbacker, courtesy of McSweeney's (where you'll find a cornucopia of hilarious Thanksgiving lists).

Whose house this is and how you'll act in it

Who put a roof over your head and how you'll behave as long as you're under it

Who is not here to win any popularity contests

Who is just plain ignorant

When this conversation is over

What is an argument and what is just a discussion

Whether Democrats or Republicans are closeted child-molesting homosexual Communists

Who is in charge here

How school is going

Who has had more than enough to drink

The weather

Living with War

The more we sweat in peace the less we bleed in war.
Vijaya Lakshmi Pandit (1900-1990), diplomat and politician

Dear Veterans: I truly wish there was no need for your efforts. Sadly, too frequently, that is not the case, so thank you with much admiration.

The Corner of Salvation and Damnation

At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.
Aldous Huxley (1894 –1963), writer

I was invited to attend a Christian Fellowship church that occupied a prime one-block piece of real estate on Centinela Avenue and Venice Boulevard. It also doubles as a coffee shop. I wonder if those profits are taxed? I normally would have politely declined, but there was some policeman from Fort Apache in the Bronx speaking and wife being from the Bronx knows the area well, so what the heck. Besides, attending a church for something other than a funeral mass would be nice. Afterward we’d go to Santa Monica and walk around.

I am a cynic, what can I say. I looked around the church and saw what I would describe as pious hypocrites and lonely people looking to belong. Good for them, I wish them all well.

Eventually the Christian band finished their set, the preacher starting talking and shoehorning every topic into something about or from God. He mentioned that Friday night was a special couples marriage discussion, I wonder if that includes married gay couples?

The cop was introduced and started his sermon with a story about his little lost soul as a kid and how he was rescued from his tough neighborhood and how eventually he saved someone. Most every sentence was punctuated with an amen at the end. It was all well and good, until the end when the converted cop said something about Jesus coming and saving people unlike Muslims or Hindus. Huh? Hold everything, did I just hear this ambassador of fellowship and Christ show his prejudice? Yes, I did.

I mentioned this to my friend; he had picked up on it too. But, it’s his church and he’ll just forgive the speaker.

Wife and I eventually headed toward Santa Monica, but I kept thinking that rather than add more of a financial burden on the backs of working stiffs (California just instituted a mandatory 10.23 percent state income tax), this country needs to start taxing the churches for income and property taxes, if they are going to preach their politics and prejudices. I have no doubt that the additional tax income will close some of the budget gaps around the country. Amen!

Worst Christmas Card Ever:Three Wise Camels

It features camels, singing a rewritten version of the Black Eyed Peas song, "My Humps" -- in tribute to Jesus. Please go see it here.

And consider this my early wishes to our Christian friends for a Merry Christmas.