Alas! all music jars when the soul’s out of tune.
Miguel de Cervantes (1547–1616), writer
The press, as usual, afraid of angering the White House has neglected to report all of the songs on President George W. Bush’s iPod. Bush has a soft spot for some oldies. Here is one of his favorites:
If I Only Had a Brain
(Scarecrow)
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain
I'd unravel any riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain
(Dorothy)
With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain
(Scarecrow)
Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more
I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain
Surprisingly Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld also have some oldies on their iPods:
If I Only Had a Heart (Cheney’s fav)
(Tin Man)
When a man's an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
And yet I'm torn apart
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kind of human
If I only had a heart
I'd be tender, I'd be gentle
And awful sentimental
Regarding love and art
I'd be friends with the sparrows
And the boy that shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart
Picture me a balcony
(Snow White)
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
(Tin Man)
I hear a beat, how sweet!
Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion
And really feel the part
I could stay young and chipper
And I'd lock it with a zipper
If I only had a heart
If I Only Had the Nerve (Rumsfeld fav)
(Cowardly Lion)
Yeah, it's sad, believe me Missy
When you're born to be a sissy
Without the vim and verve
But I could show my prowess
Be a lion, not a mowess
If I only had the nerve
I'm afraid there's no denyin'
I'm just a dandylion
A fate I don't deserve
I'd be brave as a blizzard
(Tin Man)
I'd be gentle as a lizard
(Scarecrow)
I'd be clever as a gizzard
(Dorothy)
If the Wizard is a wizard who will serve
(Scarecrow)
Then I'm sure to get a brain
(Tin Man)
A heart
(Dorothy)
A home
(Cowardly Lion)
The nerve
I am sure you too probably know a few tunes that would be perfect for the administrations' iPods. I'd love to see them.
All songs written by lyrics by EH Harburg and music by Harold Arlen
4 comments:
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
For a minute there I thought you wrote those yourself. Then I was going to say I was mighty impressed.
Oh and btw, I do know who Nellie Mckay is:)
Awesome! Again. See, that's why you get readers, it has nothing to do with Chewy, really. :-)
I suggested to Dovbear for this that Mr Scarecrow listen to Dead Kennedy's 'Holiday in Cambodia'.. Or "California Uber Alles", which now the Governator's in charge, has even more scary overtones than before.
Chandira, you are too nice.
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