Snake Alert

On vacation, saw a snake. Still waiting for my brother-in-law to identify it for me... can you do it? 12-16 inches long, and it looked like -- well, like in the picture I took up.

UPDATE

It's a mountain gartersnake -- thanks to my brother-in-law, who responded to my facebook page post.

Don't send this child to camp again.

Names have been censored to protect the allergic. This is a real notice from camp last summer regarding one of our campers. I just dug it up to share it with a friend, and now you get to enjoy it as well.

Live Blogging the Debate... Sort Of

OK, I've got the vice presidential debate paused so I can share a few first thoughts.

Right at the beginning, Sarah Palin entered the debate arena, shook hands with Joe Biden, and loudly asked, "Can I call you Joe?" Someone apparently told her to stick with the "just us folks" approach.

She's already used the phrase "hockey moms have to unite."

Did she really use the phrase "never again" in regard to the economic situation we're in right now? Did she *really* want to evoke thoughts of the Holocaust?

She actually said, "darn right!" She's so folksy; I think I'll vote for her, 'cuz she's just like me!

My favorite quote so far, in response to Biden's prompting her for an on-topic response: "I may not answer the questions the way you or the moderator want, but I'm going to talk straight."

UPDATE

She pronounces "nuclear" just like W: "nook-yular." [shiver]

Enough already.

I've had enough of guys like Bush and McCain...



But I'm not yet done enjoying this sort of thing: a faux trailer for a Disney-esque movie about Sarah Palin.

The Great Schlep

Plenty of cursing in here -- definitely NSFW. But if you're Jewish and you're planning on voting for Barack Obama -- and if you want to know what you can do to make a difference (and if you like Sarah Silverman) -- check this out.

You know what? Even if you're not Jewish, if you like Sarah Silverman you should check it out. And even if you don't really care for Sarah Silverman, what the hell -- it's not very long.



The Great Schlep

Sarah Palin -- God Help Us!

Someone please tell me what she is saying. Sarah Palin makes Dan Quayle look like Einstein. Hell, I would take Bush as VP over Palin. Truly the people cannot be so stupid to allow her to become vice president.

Who is this Rosh Hashanah person?

Is it possible there's someone working at DreamWorks who's never heard of Rosh Hashanah?



The whole story is here.

David Letterman Regarding John McCain

This video speaks for itself. I highly recommend watching it all.

We Love the Onion

And this is another reason why.

The Onion

Workplace Harassment

Doing mandatory "workplace harassment" training for my job; actually, it's anti-harassment training -- but let's not split hairs.

The video example in the training involves a "hispanic" woman, an African-American woman, an Asian-American man, and a woman from Canada. Guess which one is discriminated against?

Of course, the Candadian, based on her Canadian heritage -- cuz that's the scourge of the modern workforce: harassment against Canadian nationals.

UPDATE

Punchline from lesson two: "And so the bartender says, 'That's what *she* said!'"

Californians: Vote "No" on Proposition 8

More details here.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"

And the pirate says, "Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!"

More pirate jokes.

Holy Peeps, Batman!

I'm not much for Peeps, but I love Batman. (Yes, those are Peeps.)

More peep shows.
[Thanks, BoingBoing!]

Everyone for Obama

First, my assurance: I have nothing to do with this site, no way, no how. But I *love* what they're doing -- whoever you are, there's a button for you.

See them all!

Bush Reassures No One

“He'd offer you an egg if you promised not to break the shell.”
Irish Proverb

Wall Street in Worst Loss Since 2001
Officials Try to Stem Crisis — Fed Will Meet Tuesday
By STEPHEN LABATON
Despite reassurances by the Bush administration, stocks fell 4.4 percent on Monday, dragged by the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers and the sale of Merrill Lynch.

The above is the headline from the online version of The New York Times this evening. What caught my eye were the first six words. Who would ever be reassured by Bush? His word and the word from anyone still employed by the administration is worth less than nothing. They have a track record from WMDs to Katrina of promising the world and delivering nothing.

Saturday Night Live Palin

There is hardly any mental misery worse than that of having our own serious phrases, our own rooted beliefs, caricatured by a charlatan or a hireling.
George Eliot (1819–80), English novelist

More of the same...Lying

No man lies so boldly as the man who is indignant.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900), philosopher

I find it absolutely amazing how many well-informed Republican pundits now say they don’t know what he Bush Doctrine is – only to help out Sarah Palin.

Slowly, similar to how the truth came out about how the Bush Administration lied about weapons of mass destruction, the truth about Palin is coming out, but let’s hope that it’s not too late, again!

Is there anything the McCain campaign isn't lying about?"

• Sarah Palin did not visit troops in Iraq, a spokesperson for the Republican vice presidential nominee confirmed Saturday, as new details emerged about the extent of the Alaska governor's foreign travel.


• Palin visited the Iraqi side of a border crossing -- but never journeyed past the checkpoint. Earlier, campaign aides confirmed reports that Palin's time in Ireland on that trip had actually been a refueling stop.


• The Obama campaign has accused the McCain campaign of deliberately lying about wildly inflated crowd estimates for Palin. The McCain team has twice pointed to law enforcement as the source for those estimates -- but the same officials denied to Bloomberg News that they had provided the numbers cited by the Republican nominee's campaign.


• The McCain campaign said Gov. Palin opposed the bridge to nowhere, but now we know she supported it.


• McCain's campaign released a television ad, titled "Disrespectful," that accuses McCain's Democratic rival of launching desperate attacks and smears against Palin. In the McCain ad, the announcer says the Obama camp had "lashed out at Sarah Palin" and dismissed Palin as "good-looking" as the Democratic nominee's face appears on the screen. The announcer also says the Democrats had said Palin was doing "what she was told" and had "desperately" called her a liar.“How disrespectful," the announcer says. "And how Gov. Sarah Palin proves them wrong, every day."Obama never made any of the statements the McCain camp released to support the ad, and the comment that Palin was "good-looking" was made by the Democratic vice presidential nominee, Sen. Joe Biden, in a self-deprecating joke when he was asked what the obvious differences were between the two vice presidential nominees. Biden repeatedly has said on the campaign trail that he respected Palin and that he thought she was qualified for the vice presidency. FactCheck.org pointed out the quote from an Obama adviser that Palin was doing "what she was told" was taken out of context. The quote is taken from the response of Obama's chief strategist, David Axelrod, in which he said Palin had misrepresented Obama's legislative record. "Maybe that's what she was told" about his voting record, Axelrod said.


• When there was a vacancy at the top of the State Division of Agriculture, Palin appointed a high school classmate, Franci Havemeister, to the $95,000-a-year directorship. A former real estate agent, Ms. Havemeister cited her childhood love of cows as a qualification for running the roughly $2 million agency.


• Throughout her political career, Palin has pursued vendettas, fired officials who crossed her and sometimes blurred the line between government and personal grievance, according to a review of public records and interviews with 60 Republican and Democratic legislators and local officials.


• Interviews show that Ms. Palin runs an administration that puts a premium on loyalty and secrecy. The governor and her top officials sometimes use personal e-mail accounts for state business; dozens of e-mail messages obtained by The New York Times show that her staff members studied whether that could allow them to circumvent subpoenas seeking public records.


• Rick Steiner, a University of Alaska professor, sought the e-mail messages of state scientists who had examined the effect of global warming on polar bears. (Ms. Palin said the scientists had found no ill effects, and she has sued the federal government to block the listing of the bears as endangered.) An administration official told Mr. Steiner that his request would cost $468,784 to process.When Mr. Steiner finally obtained the e-mail messages — through a federal records request — he discovered that state scientists had in fact agreed that the bears were in danger, records show.“Their secrecy is off the charts,” Mr. Steiner said.


• The Wasilla High School yearbook archive now doubles as a veritable directory of state government. Ms. Palin appointed Mr. Bitney, her former junior high school band-mate, as her legislative director and chose another classmate, Joe Austerman, to manage the economic development office for $82,908 a year. Mr. Austerman had established an Alaska franchise for Mailboxes Etc.


• Democrats and Republicans alike describe her as often missing in action. Since taking office in 2007, Ms. Palin has spent 312 nights at her Wasilla home, some 600 miles to the north of the governor’s mansion in Juneau, records show.


• During the last legislative session, some lawmakers became so frustrated with her absences that they took to wearing “Where’s Sarah?” pins.

What to expect from a McCain Presidency

He (McCain) will make Dick Cheney look like Gandhi
Pat Buchanan, pundit, former Nixon speech writer



Hat tip to Godless Liberal Homo.

Listen to This: Brad Sucks

If you like experimental pop music, you might like Brad Sucks. You can buy his new album ("Out of It") or just download it for free -- he leaves it up to you.

Palin On The Hunt

No, wait -- it's not Sarah Palin after all. But if you have any interest in seeing a mom teach her son to hunt squirrels -- AND THEN MAKE HIM A SQUIRREL SANDWICH FOR AN AFTER-SCHOOL SNACK -- watch, this.

Motek, don't watch it. I already wish I hadn't.

Thanks again, BoingBoing.net!

12 Monkeys: Why You Must See It

Just watched "12 Monkeys" (1995 - Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt) on cable -- been meaning to see it for years. It's a must-see for one reason alone: Brad Pitt plays the most convincing crazy guy I've seen in a long time. First, in a mental hospital, then six years later in a tuxedo at a fancy dinner, and then in guerilla terrorist mode.

Seriously -- you may not care for dystopian scfi-fi, time travel, and viruses, but Pitt's performance is worth your investment of two hours.

911 (TM) A Brand Republicans Trust

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”
Mark Twain (1835-1910), author

Lie to Me Baby

Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–82), essayist, poet, philosopher

This is apparently the moto of those who vote Republican:

"Lie to me"
Song and video by Tom Waits

Goats Chewing Up Downtown Los Angeles

Goats in downtown Los Angeles? Yes, 100 of them. L.A.'s Community Redevelopment Agency trucked them in to chew up the brush and weeds on the hill just below my office on Bunker Hill. Here are a few shots -- my building, a composite panorama, and an alternate view showing part of the crowd that gathers to pet the goats. Click the pix to see 'em bigger.





[Want more words? The Los Angeles Times managed to open its eyes up and take note of this phenomenon.]

Empty Suit with Lip Stick

"In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism."
Spiro Agnew (1918–96), vice president under Richard Nixon


Here are a list of questions from Maureen Dowd column in today's NYTimes, she suggested that ABC's Charlie Gibson should ask the potential vice president who is skating passed the media because they are afraid of being called out by the right wing. Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew started that ploy with Agnew's famous quote, see above. And it continues to work today, hell even Hillary Clinton used it.

Questions we hope Sarah Palin answers:

What kind of budget-cutter makes a show of getting rid of the state plane, then turns around and bills taxpayers for the travel of her husband and kids between Juneau and Wasilla and sticks the state with a per-diem tab to stay in her own home?

Why was Sarah for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against the Bridge to Nowhere, and why was she for earmarks before she was against them? And doesn’t all this make her just as big a flip-flopper as John Kerry?

What kind of fiscal conservative raises taxes and increases budgets in both her jobs — as mayor and as governor?

When the phone rings at 3 a.m., will she call the Wasilla Assembly of God congregation and ask them to pray on a response, as she asked them to pray for a natural gas pipeline?

Does she really think Adam, Eve, Satan and the dinosaurs mingled on the earth 5,000 years ago?


Why put out a press release about her teenage daughter’s pregnancy and then spend the next few days attacking the press for covering that press release?

As Troopergate unfolds here — an inquiry into whether Palin inappropriately fired the commissioner of public safety for refusing to fire her ex-brother-in-law — it raises this question: Who else is on her enemies list and what might she do with the F.B.I.?

Does she want a federal ban on trans fat in restaurants and a ban on abortion and Harry Potter? And which books exactly would have landed on the literature bonfire if she had had her way with that Wasilla librarian?

Just how is it that Fannie and Freddie have cost taxpayers money (since they haven’t yet)?

Does she talk in tongues or just eat caribou tongues?

What does she have against polar bears?

Family Values

"Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."
Michael Corleone, Godfather III

The 17-year-old father of Sarah Palin’s daughter’s baby (already this sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy redneck joke) has a MySpace page that flaunts his readiness to be a father and all the responsibilities that come with raising a child.

I wonder who will pay all the expenses of raising their child since both parents are just high school students? My guess is he’ll get a Republican-crony type job making a couple of hundred thousand with some oil company. Here without further ado is Levi Johnston’s profile from his MySpace page:

“I’m a fuckin’ redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin’ chillin’, I guess. Ya fuck with me I’ll kick ass.”

He is going to be one heck of a good dad.

Regarding the kids privacy, baloney: it's okay for the pregnant daughter to have a right to privacy even if mother Palin believes it's okay to have the government intrude to police the reproductive choices of all other women.

I suspect the Palin and Johnston families are already aware of this:

Oh, Misanthrope, where art thou?

Join me, o loyal readers, in beseeching our beloved Misanthrope to return to these hallowed digital halls. My fingers grow weary from posting political pieces in his stead, and I long to return to the green fields of nothing that you've come to expect from me. But I canst whilst no one is waving the political flag out here. Back to us, return, o Misanthrope.

Palin's Positions

BoingBoing.net again; thanks, guys.

Sarah Palin: War in Iraq is "God's Plan"

Thanks, BoingBoing.net, for pointing this out to me.

Sarah Palin, would-be banner of books

Time Magazine says that when Sarah Palin took office as mayor, she approached the town librarian and asked how to go about banning books from the town library.

[Source]

Shameless plug

(But if I don't mention it, how would you know? And if not now, when?)

Souvenirs

This guy has traveled all over the place taking pictures of famous things and places with his souvenirs held up to cover the original... the photo expalins it better than words do. And there are lots more.

Money and buildings.

Cool photos of money and the buildings represented thereon...


From this guy.

Paparazzi vs. Movie Star

My fourth-grader has just been telling me about a game they play at school, organized by the teachers on yard duty: "Paparazzi vs. Movie Star." Whatever happened to vampire tag? I asked her to type out the rules for me, so that I could share them with you, the faithful Toner Mishap readership. Enjoy! (And please note that I first taught her the correct singular for the plural word "paparazzi"; apparently that's not within the vocabulary of the yard duty teachers.)

To begin, make a group of four people. Make one person the paparazzo, one a movie star, and the other two bodyguards. The bodyguards and the movie star form a circle facing the movie star away from the paparazzo.

The object of the game is for the bodyguards to keep the movie star from the paparazzo.

The paparazzo tries to tag the movie star, because in the game tagging the movie star will give him or her a picture. The bodyguards move the movie star in a circle to keep him or her away from being tagged.

Play rounds until everyone has been everything.

Shave it.

Saw this storefront near the house; wife and I laughed about it for days.

Shave it!

I just sent some money to Barack Obama.

Those of you who aren't regular readers may not be aware that I've got Hebrew Barack Obama shirts and stuff I'm selling to support his candidacy for the President of the United States.


I've just sent off a nice check to the campaign, as part of my commitment to send 10% of all profits from sales -- thank you for your support! I'll be continuing to send in contributions, so it's not to late to get your shirt and support your candidate!

Things Younger Than McCain

Frozen Waffles
McDonald’s
Alaska
Oral Contraceptives
The Discovery of DNA
Israel
Scrabble
The Hindenburg
Margaritas
The Slinky
Superman
The 6-Pack
SPAM
The US Postal Service’s Zip Code System
The Discovery of Plutonium
TV Dinners
Automatic Transmissions
The AARP
The CIA
The Shopping Cart
The Golden Gate Bridge
Duct Tape

[Source]

Everyone's a critic.

On a recent trip to New York, I was in an art gallery, enjoying Saul Steinberg's "The Collection" -- which I can't share with you here, as no image can be found on the web, and photography was disallowed in the gallery -- when a security guard in the room came up to me, followed my gaze for a moment, and remarked,

"I think if you or me had done that
it would be a lot better."

The best of both worlds.

OK, again I find myself spending quite a bit of time on useless pursuits for the sake of my children having the finest apparel money can buy (or I can create). Enjoy the fruits of my labor: the first-ever Hebrew [totally fair-use] parody t-shirt of Hannah Montana.

Please Don't Let Him Become President

John McCain could be president; be afraid, very, very, afraid.

Oh, Canada Australia

Thanks, BoingBoing, for directing me to Axel Peemoeller's parking lot graphics; they are only seen correctly when you're in the right place -- e.g., you only see the word "down" when you're in the right spot to go down. Click here to see more.

That hurt me, too.

Just this instant watched my middle child get her ears pierced... held her hand, soothed her, gave her a lollipop.

She'd been wanting to do it for a while -- years, really -- and kept freaking out but today, she overcame her fear and got it done.

So now I'm waiting here in Claire's while she picks out more earrings... apparently, jewelry can ease the pain.

WTF? Neil Patrick Harris as an Evil Scientist?

Not sure what's going on here, but I'm soooooooooo in.


Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

But where's Harry Hamlin?

Great stop-motion animation, courtesy zefrank:

Pretzel Robot

I gave my kids a bunch of pretzel sticks after dinner this evening and challenged them to make something interesting; my five-year old made this awesome pretzel robot (with mini marshmallows as part of some processing unit, I think).

UPDATED

Whoops! This was my seven-year old's creation. My five-year old spelled her name, and my nine-year old spelled out a sycophantic comment about me being cool in order to procure more marshmallows.

Edward Hopper, Nighthawks, and Star Wars

Gotta love the web. This is from Worth1000.com (for the Star Wars gallery, click here). Click the pic to see it full-size.

Time for some Campaignin'

Asimov's 30 Laws of Robotics

A must-read for any Asimov fan. Here. Three examples:

8. A robot may not act in such a fashion as would make dogs obsolete, because dogs are less expensive than robots, and robots should be reserved for science things.

10. A robot, when given contradictory orders by two human beings, and assuming those orders do not violate the First Law, must decide which order to follow based on which human being has a deeper voice.

16. A robot may take only one item from each house when trick-or-treating, unless that robot has been tasked with collecting as much candy as possible for me, Isaac Asimov, in which case that robot may ignore the First Law.

[Thanks, BoingBoing, for telling me about this.]

Oil From Canada

Did you know we get most of our oil from Canada? Sure, if you treat OPEC as one exporter its numbers look bigger... but Canada is the single largest exporter of oil to the United States.

Check it out here, courtesy of the U.S. Department of Energy.

Graphic Designers Love Appropriation,And Here's Why

[The artist who created the one on the right is Shepard Fairey, now very familiar for his Barack Obama poster.]

No, it's not the newNerf Herder song.

Trees of Mystery

And here's what the view looks like from the Sky Trail at the world-famous "Trees of Mystery" in Klamath, California.

B2

Getting Gas

I stopped in Brookings, Oregon, today to buy gas... we were nearby.

Gasoline was only $4.37/gallon, a full $0.40 cheaper than back over the border in Crescent City, California (where we are staying on vacation)

AND

in Oregon (the pump jockey told me as he filled 'er up) the public can't operate the pumps -- so that the price for FULL SERVICE

AND

he washed the windows

AND

he recommended some a good place to eat dinner.

George Carlin RIP

I pulled this from Poliblog, he has another good on up too, check it out.

1983 Star Wars Activity Book

You wanted more, and you've got it -- I've scanned in full-size versions of nine more pages from the 1983 Star Wars Activity Book I posted about the other day; you could print them out and fill them in if you wanted, but I think the real pleasure to be taken is in just
looking at them.

You'll see Yoda's head replaced by a crossword puzzle, a Tusken Raider's face covered by a maze, and more! And don't miss the geometric beauty of "Who's Tailing Luke?", "Take Cover", and "Not Wanted" (color it in to figure out "something that is not wanted in Endor Forest").

Yoda Crossword Clues



Yoda Crossword Puzzle



Who's Tailing Luke?



Take Cover!



A-mazing Tusken Raider



Doodles of Droids



Find The Hidden Objects



What's In The Forest?



Not Wanted

DIY Papercraft Darth Vader Dime Bank

Apparently my in-laws' garage is not without hidden treasure -- I just stumbled upon two great Star Wars activity books from 1983, and I had to share.

The publisher partnered with Lucasfilm -- they have a copyright notice and everything! -- but even so, this is the possibly the worst collection of officially-licensed Star Wars-related kids' materials I've ever seen.

For your pleasure: the official Darth Vader Dime Bank!

Friday!

Hebrew School Musical

If you're a parent with children between the ages of 3 and 13, you're no doubt familiar with "High School Musical." If you're Jewish as well, you'll probably get as a big a kick out of this joke as I did. My kids loved it so much they had me make shirts for them to wear to camp.

Pool Shark

“On a cloth untrue / With a twisted cue, / And elliptical billiard balls.”
William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), English lyricist

I was debating whether to show a Keith Olbermann video ranting about Bush or show you a video of what playing pool with me is like. This clip shows how I deftly handled the pool stick, ask On The Mark if you don't believe me.

Finally.

Edward Hopper ParodiesStill Incredibly Popular(And We Continue ToRide Hopper's Coattails)

For some reason, a lot of people seem to be looking for parodies of Edward Hopper's famous painting, "Nighthawks." And somehow, we've become the go-to location of choice for such materials.

Once again, the original:




So as part of the great responsibility that comes with such power, I have five more parodies to share with you.

First, a little Lego (for you Legomaniacs out there):



This is from an issue of "Bongo's Futurama Comics," another Matt Groening endeavor:



Nighthawks in space? Why not? This is a piece created by a guy who goes by the handle "epicpics":



What collection of parodies of anything would be complete without the Simpsons? This is yet ANOTHER still from a Simpsons episode which parodied "Nighthawks"; in this case, the episode titled "Homer Versus the 18th Amendment":



Last, a photo showing a shot from Wim Wenders' film "The End of Violence," in which he recreated the famous painting:



Need more? Here's the first batch and the second batch.