When I was a senior in high school the Misanthrope and I were reporters on our school newspaper. In one issue I had written a first-hand account describing the dedication of student athletes to their sports, focusing on football. I interviewed a player and used him as my source. It was a harmless piece and focused on how much sacrifice is required (such as being at the practice field at 6 every morning). For some reason it really hit a nerve and I was called onto the carpet. I had to meet with the head football coach and explain my reasoning, and the school principal was very upset. They were not happy when I refused to apologize and stated that I thought they were overreacting. In the meantime, four football players wrote a rather nasty letter to the editor with the expected conclusion (he's not a football player so how could he have a clue?). Everyone on the newspaper staff couldn't figure out what had ticked them off. To this day I still don't know.
Anyway, in the next issue, we printed their letter, my reply, and a reprint of my original column (in a "you decide reader" layout). But we took it a little further. We also included an editorial cartoon depicting the four players sitting on a locker room bench behind the head coach who was writing the letter-to-the-editor on a blackboard. The cartoon caption read "wait a minute, coach, you're going too fast." In the same newspaper issue we had another editorial cartoon that depicted a skeleton in cobwebs sitting in a chair outside a counselor's office; the caption read, "Mr. X, your next appointment is waiting for you." This was to show the principal that he had much more important things to worry about (and this cartoon was accurate).
All hell broke loose and our budget was taken away so that we couldn't publish any more issues that year. So the newspaper staff simply went out and washed cars and did whatever was necessary to print the newspaper (it also helped that our journalism teacher was out on extended leave and we had a clueless substitute for several months).
So, to Ann Long, the high school senior who was placed on leave for an article she wrote for her high school newspaper about two bi-sexual students and a gay student (all who had given her consent, including their parents, she says), there are many former high school journalists standing up for you and, most important, to the 1st Amendment.
Monday, February 07, 2005
No Means NO!
Rape is a culturally fostered means of suppressing women. Legally we say we deplore it, but mythically we romanticize and perpetuate it, and privately we excuse and overlook it.
Victoria Billings, journalist and author
The 49-year-old woman was awakened around midnight by an assailant who choked her, dragged her by the hair and raped her so many times before the sun came up that she lost count, police say, according to an article by Associated Press.
Arizona, which still likes to view itself as a cowboy type of state (you know, guns in the back of pickup truck windows, and just general redneck behavior patterns such as chewing and spitting tobacco)... but I am getting off the track here.
The state’s latest Neanderthal ruling is to treat spousal rape different than a regular rape crime with a punishment of no more than 1 1/2 years behind bars, and possibly no prison time at all. Normally, such a violent rape as described by the woman would be punishable by up to 14 years in prison in Arizona. But, because the man is also her husband the crime seems to carry a lesser penalty.
It seems to me that no means no whether on a date or in the marital bed. If the person cannot accept the answer then find a new date, file for divorce or expect to do time in prison and then you’ll see find out how your date or wife feels when Bubba won’t accept your no answer either.
Victoria Billings, journalist and author
The 49-year-old woman was awakened around midnight by an assailant who choked her, dragged her by the hair and raped her so many times before the sun came up that she lost count, police say, according to an article by Associated Press.
Arizona, which still likes to view itself as a cowboy type of state (you know, guns in the back of pickup truck windows, and just general redneck behavior patterns such as chewing and spitting tobacco)... but I am getting off the track here.
The state’s latest Neanderthal ruling is to treat spousal rape different than a regular rape crime with a punishment of no more than 1 1/2 years behind bars, and possibly no prison time at all. Normally, such a violent rape as described by the woman would be punishable by up to 14 years in prison in Arizona. But, because the man is also her husband the crime seems to carry a lesser penalty.
It seems to me that no means no whether on a date or in the marital bed. If the person cannot accept the answer then find a new date, file for divorce or expect to do time in prison and then you’ll see find out how your date or wife feels when Bubba won’t accept your no answer either.
An Open Letter to Young Geeks
You geeks today don't know how lucky you are. Uber-geek Bill Gates is one of the richest men in the world, the Lord of the Rings trilogy was one of the most successful movie franchises of the last decade, and there have been five different Star Trek television series.
Back in my day, we geeks didn't even want to be known as geeks, much less have our interests made public. Brian Dilkes and I were the only ones in our elementary school who had read The Hobbit, and we sure didn't tell many people that we'd read it. (We had an extremely geeky thing we said, which was "I have developed a habit of reading The Hobbit.") There were six of us (seven if you count Noah Wyle, who drew a really good horse in second grade but left our school for another soon after) who played Dungeons & Dragons (which we mistakenly thought would sound cooler if we called it "D&D", but of course, in retrospect, it sounds just as dorky). And I collected stamps as well... but Aaron Friedland and I didn't share this hobby with anyone else. And Matthew Engle, with whom I collected Garbage Pail Kids cards in elementary school, has apparently teamed up with Daniel Berke, who wrote his first science fiction novella when we were in junior high school together; now they make video games.
But here's the difference between then and now -- back then, we were not the popular kids. Geekishness was either embraced (Daniel Berke, I'm writing about you now) or hidden (which is the path that I took), and those who joined me on the latter journey actually did have friends. I should mention that even Daniel Berke, who was never seen without his outré Member's Only jacket, had standards -- he often remarked that Christopher Alexander was a geek. And as for me, struggling to fight the geek image? Heck, I was on Prom Court in High School (granted, my high school was a math and science magnet, but I am determined to brag about it nonetheless. But I will only mention sotto voce that I lettered in high school... in journalism.
Whew, that is just too much geekiness.
Now kids are proud to brag about video game addiction. Now, they listen to William Shatner sing songs with Ben Folds. Now, they admire Larry Ellison and the Wachowski Brothers. And let's face it -- the only directors geekier than them are Tim Burton (hugely successful) and Peter Jackson, and he directed the Lord of the Rings trilogy!!! Yeah, you guys have it too darned easy.
We geeks of days gone by had to hide our light under a bushel, and deny our true nature. There were no examples of geeks who had grown into success, or at least none who were acknowledged as fellow travelers; we were taught that to succeed one must overcome those tendencies. Nowadays, everyone goes to see Spider-Man at the local cineplex, and you can find geek girls naked all over the net (Suicide Girls, anyone? Sure, they claim to be "punk" or "goth", but we know the demographic, right? When I was in school there were no hot geek chicks to ogle; there were the cool girls, who didn't even know we existed, and there were the girls who were even beneath our standards -- and even those girls ignored us). And as for Star Trek... you've had the original series, Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise (yes, I can name all five). Not to mention Rodenberry's other work. Yeah, you guys have it so sweet.
Am I still a geek? Let's check:
(1) Matrix Reloaded on opening day? Check.Why does my wife put up with me? Is it in spite of my geekishness... or is it secretly because of it? We'll never know.
(2) Buy old comic books on eBay? Check.
(3) It was only that once, honey.
(4) Isn't that enough, dear?
(5) I have a blog.(a) I write about comics on the blog.
(b) I write about writing about comics on the blog.
(6) Those are my D&D dice in the picture.(a) Those are my good D&D dice in the picture.
(b) My D&D dice are readily accessible for photo opportunities such as this.
(c) I took a half-dozen different pictures because I wanted them to look cool.
(d) I am actually still proud of the six-sided skull die and the eight-sided dots die.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
On The Mark -- Super Bowl Ads (for those who give a damn)
My picks:
1. MBNA -- Gladys Knight Rugby -- Gladys leaping into the end zone (or whatever it is in rugby) and seeing her tush jiggle
2. Happy Birthday, Jack-in-the Box pull-string doll
3. Bud Light, Al Pacino Scarface impression (bird protecting girl from pick-up artists in bar)
The winner of the "in-my-dreams-I-wish-squirm-in-my-seat" ad: Tabasco bikini
Last year at this time I was sitting in a bistro on Boulevard St. Germain on the Left Bank in Paris enjoying a roasted chicken with pomme frites and a burgundy. I missed the whole Janet Jackson nipple hoopla. I would have done anything to be there again instead of watching this game.
McNabb needs to watch a few Elway/Montana tapes. That was the worst two-minute drill in the history of football. Hurry-up offense, huh? What's that?
1. MBNA -- Gladys Knight Rugby -- Gladys leaping into the end zone (or whatever it is in rugby) and seeing her tush jiggle
2. Happy Birthday, Jack-in-the Box pull-string doll
3. Bud Light, Al Pacino Scarface impression (bird protecting girl from pick-up artists in bar)
The winner of the "in-my-dreams-I-wish-squirm-in-my-seat" ad: Tabasco bikini
Last year at this time I was sitting in a bistro on Boulevard St. Germain on the Left Bank in Paris enjoying a roasted chicken with pomme frites and a burgundy. I missed the whole Janet Jackson nipple hoopla. I would have done anything to be there again instead of watching this game.
McNabb needs to watch a few Elway/Montana tapes. That was the worst two-minute drill in the history of football. Hurry-up offense, huh? What's that?
Super Bowl Half Time
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.
Alfred Tennyson (1809 - 1892), poet
Paul McCartney is one of the premier nostalgic acts of the rock and roll world. The songs he sang during half time (Drive My Car, Get Back, Hey Jude, and Live and Let Die) while classics all, they really highlight the fact that he has done nothing since the early ‘70s. Other than Yoko, Paul misses John Lennon tremendously.
Alfred Tennyson (1809 - 1892), poet
Paul McCartney is one of the premier nostalgic acts of the rock and roll world. The songs he sang during half time (Drive My Car, Get Back, Hey Jude, and Live and Let Die) while classics all, they really highlight the fact that he has done nothing since the early ‘70s. Other than Yoko, Paul misses John Lennon tremendously.
Forgotten
We'll be forgotten. Such is our fate and we can't do anything about it.
Anton Chekhov (1860 - 1904), playwright and short-story writer
I felt a pang of sympathy for Eric Griffiths when I read his obituary this morning. The man was plagued with bad timing. Griffiths was a member of the Quarrymen that evolved into the Beatles. Griffiths left the band in 1958 and joined the merchant navy, just as George Harrison signed on. Griffiths had joined the band for fun at Lennon's request, and had never had a great talent for the guitar. When George Harrison became a regular in the group, Griffiths was asked -as the weakest in a surfeit of guitarists -to switch to electric bass. He could not afford one and decided to call it a day.
I imagined that he must have kicked himself thought his life that just ended at the relatively young age of 64. According to the obits, Griffiths worked in Britain’s prison system before retiring in the early 1990s to run a dry-cleaning business. His death came just two weeks after the release of the first major label album under the Quarrymen name. In 1997, Griffiths organized the surviving original members to play a benefit gig in Liverpool, at the same church where they had first played 40 years earlier. They went on tour, performing in the U.S., with a gig at The Bottom Line in New York. They enjoyed a brief wave of "Quarrymania" in Japan, where their album, Songs We Remember, was pressed last year.
Griffiths had been suffering from pancreatic cancer. He is survived by his wife and three sons.
Anton Chekhov (1860 - 1904), playwright and short-story writer
I felt a pang of sympathy for Eric Griffiths when I read his obituary this morning. The man was plagued with bad timing. Griffiths was a member of the Quarrymen that evolved into the Beatles. Griffiths left the band in 1958 and joined the merchant navy, just as George Harrison signed on. Griffiths had joined the band for fun at Lennon's request, and had never had a great talent for the guitar. When George Harrison became a regular in the group, Griffiths was asked -as the weakest in a surfeit of guitarists -to switch to electric bass. He could not afford one and decided to call it a day.
I imagined that he must have kicked himself thought his life that just ended at the relatively young age of 64. According to the obits, Griffiths worked in Britain’s prison system before retiring in the early 1990s to run a dry-cleaning business. His death came just two weeks after the release of the first major label album under the Quarrymen name. In 1997, Griffiths organized the surviving original members to play a benefit gig in Liverpool, at the same church where they had first played 40 years earlier. They went on tour, performing in the U.S., with a gig at The Bottom Line in New York. They enjoyed a brief wave of "Quarrymania" in Japan, where their album, Songs We Remember, was pressed last year.
Griffiths had been suffering from pancreatic cancer. He is survived by his wife and three sons.
The Misanthrope ---– Sunday’s Lighter Side Still Basking in Daughter’s Excitement
"What's the real difference between Republicans and Democrats?. Let me tell ya the real difference ... Republicans will always take on people in the interest of power and good democrats will never fear to take on the power in the interests of people."
James Carville, Political Strategist
Presidential Aftermath. The excitement from Daughter meeting former President Bill Clinton is only now beginning to fade. I have to admit that I re-read my post and looked at the picture of Daughter with Clinton myriad times throughout the week. To all who commented thank you. Also, I was pleasantly surprised and felt honored that Poliblog, a readable and reasonable right-wing blog even posted a piece about the proud dad linking back to Toner Mishap. Thank you again.
Now that Daughter has her sites set on the White House (for the one or two Republicans that read our site, you can relax a bit, Daughter thinks Dad is a bit too liberal, at least socially), she has already begun planning strategy for her pursuit of being the leader of the free world.
She met Democratic political strategist James Carville shortly after meeting Clinton. While Daughter was breathlessly telling me about Clinton, Carville walked by smiling overhearing Daughter all excited talking to her dad. She recognized Carville, but couldn’t think of his name. She ran up to Carville, introduced herself, and said she hung up from her dad to talk with him. He said that his kids hang up from him like that too. “Tell your dad I said hello.” He continued to chat with Daughter for about five minutes. He too was very nice and polite with the girls. I sent a quick thank you note to Carville’s Web site.
Here is Daughter’s version of events last weekend in a letter she sent to various family members and friends:
So let me set the scene for you:
My friends (Megan and Emily) and I had made reservations for tea at the Ritz about two weeks prior. Megan and I had just spent the day at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is breathtaking! We were meeting up with Emily for tea at 5:30 in front of the Ritz. We walked in and waited a few minutes for the room to open, when the piano music started, we formed a line and were seated. The atmosphere was great. I felt like I was truly British; I even threw in the accent here and there to illustrate the point. We had unlimited finger sandwiches, scones and desserts. We took full advantage of the unlimited part. I think we had five pots of tea! The food was delicious and the surroundings gorgeous!
When we finished up, we were one among the last to leave. We went to the bathroom afterwards because we all had too much tea. We also wanted to take pictures of the pretty bathroom. We got our coats and headed toward the exit. The doorman would not let us through the lobby. I whispered to Emily "it is probably some stuck up businessman." Then upon closer inspection, I saw James Carville and the profile of Clinton (the nose it is hard to miss!). I felt like I was in a cartoon, my jaw seemed to drop all the way to the floor. Then the doorman let us through. I was the first one out and made sure to walk very slowly. Mind you, it was only my friends, another lady, Clinton’s entourage and me. I stood right next to the Secrete Service agent and asked him if I could stand there and if I could meet him. He told me sure "if he stops for you and you stay out of the way."
That wasn't good enough for me. So when Clinton started to walk toward the door I fairly loudly said, "Excuse Mr. President" and he casually walked over to me and I stuck my hand out and said "Hello, I am Lindsey nice to meet you" he replied "Hello, Lindsey nice to meet you (while shaking my hand). Where are you from?" I said California. I made sure to have my camera handy and I said, "If it is not too much trouble would you take a picture with me?" He grabbed my camera and the Secret Service agent said, "Sir we are running late for dinner" Clinton replied by handing him the camera and said, "Take a picture with me and these ladies." After he was finished with our picture, he walked out and got into his Suburban. I stood on the steps with the BIGGEST smile ever and waved goodbye to him. I couldn't tell if he was waving back, but I like to think that he was.
James Carville, Political Strategist
Presidential Aftermath. The excitement from Daughter meeting former President Bill Clinton is only now beginning to fade. I have to admit that I re-read my post and looked at the picture of Daughter with Clinton myriad times throughout the week. To all who commented thank you. Also, I was pleasantly surprised and felt honored that Poliblog, a readable and reasonable right-wing blog even posted a piece about the proud dad linking back to Toner Mishap. Thank you again.
Now that Daughter has her sites set on the White House (for the one or two Republicans that read our site, you can relax a bit, Daughter thinks Dad is a bit too liberal, at least socially), she has already begun planning strategy for her pursuit of being the leader of the free world.
She met Democratic political strategist James Carville shortly after meeting Clinton. While Daughter was breathlessly telling me about Clinton, Carville walked by smiling overhearing Daughter all excited talking to her dad. She recognized Carville, but couldn’t think of his name. She ran up to Carville, introduced herself, and said she hung up from her dad to talk with him. He said that his kids hang up from him like that too. “Tell your dad I said hello.” He continued to chat with Daughter for about five minutes. He too was very nice and polite with the girls. I sent a quick thank you note to Carville’s Web site.
Here is Daughter’s version of events last weekend in a letter she sent to various family members and friends:
So let me set the scene for you:
My friends (Megan and Emily) and I had made reservations for tea at the Ritz about two weeks prior. Megan and I had just spent the day at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is breathtaking! We were meeting up with Emily for tea at 5:30 in front of the Ritz. We walked in and waited a few minutes for the room to open, when the piano music started, we formed a line and were seated. The atmosphere was great. I felt like I was truly British; I even threw in the accent here and there to illustrate the point. We had unlimited finger sandwiches, scones and desserts. We took full advantage of the unlimited part. I think we had five pots of tea! The food was delicious and the surroundings gorgeous!
When we finished up, we were one among the last to leave. We went to the bathroom afterwards because we all had too much tea. We also wanted to take pictures of the pretty bathroom. We got our coats and headed toward the exit. The doorman would not let us through the lobby. I whispered to Emily "it is probably some stuck up businessman." Then upon closer inspection, I saw James Carville and the profile of Clinton (the nose it is hard to miss!). I felt like I was in a cartoon, my jaw seemed to drop all the way to the floor. Then the doorman let us through. I was the first one out and made sure to walk very slowly. Mind you, it was only my friends, another lady, Clinton’s entourage and me. I stood right next to the Secrete Service agent and asked him if I could stand there and if I could meet him. He told me sure "if he stops for you and you stay out of the way."
That wasn't good enough for me. So when Clinton started to walk toward the door I fairly loudly said, "Excuse Mr. President" and he casually walked over to me and I stuck my hand out and said "Hello, I am Lindsey nice to meet you" he replied "Hello, Lindsey nice to meet you (while shaking my hand). Where are you from?" I said California. I made sure to have my camera handy and I said, "If it is not too much trouble would you take a picture with me?" He grabbed my camera and the Secret Service agent said, "Sir we are running late for dinner" Clinton replied by handing him the camera and said, "Take a picture with me and these ladies." After he was finished with our picture, he walked out and got into his Suburban. I stood on the steps with the BIGGEST smile ever and waved goodbye to him. I couldn't tell if he was waving back, but I like to think that he was.
Daughter is on her way to Scotland next weekend and Ireland the weekend after that.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Googled
We at Toner Mishap are pleased to share with you, our faithful readers, some of the search strings that have brought people to these hallowed hyperspace halls. In no particular order, here are some of our favorites:
And, if you're interested, see the top Google searches for 2004 right here.
donna frey lawsuit
botulism evolution
san mateo prosecutors
media sciences toner unhappy customer
selby tigers droid
boorish
fishheads mp3
chewie the rookie wookie
Rationalization may be defined as self-deception by reasoning
Manischewitz
boogeyman theme song pray that you will stay alive
jennifer aniston in a thong [thanks, Hector Vex -- this is in one of your comments]
i could never mix vigilance and sex [a William S. Burroughs quote]
marriage amendement
i am chewbacca mp3
Monderman [a Netherlands Google search]
frivolous asbestos
actress learning to smoke
inauguration costs humvee
And, if you're interested, see the top Google searches for 2004 right here.
Friday, February 04, 2005
On The Mark -- Groundhog Year
We didn't learn about him until after the fact, but leading up to the invasion of Iraq there was a character named Curveball. Curveball was America's secret agent, feeding the administration with inside information about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction, his biological warfare, the unmanned aerial vehicles that were ready to drop WMD on major cities in America, even Saddam's nuclear capability that, as (now) Secretary Rice warned, could lead to a mushroom cloud on American soil.
Of course, it turned out these were all lies, fabrications. But it was great material for the headlines and speeches that did an excellent job of scaring everyone during the year it took the U.S. military to build up the troops and materiel to invade. Yes, an important point, don't forget about that year where, as troops, ships and planes were piling up on the Iraqi borders, America's administration was talking about trying to give diplomacy a chance.
Today there's a headline in the Los Angeles Times: "Nuclear Trigger Project Alleged." The source is an Iranian exile group (the press conference was in Paris) and they allege that Tehran is close to producing a device to initiate a chain reaction for a nuclear bomb.
Meanwhile, in England, on CNN this morning, Secretary Rice was stating in a press conference that invading Iran "is not on the agenda" (and here's the kicker) "AT THIS POINT." She said that she wanted to see if diplomacy would get the desired result.
As Yogi Berra would say, this is deja vu all over again.
As I would say, Groundhog Year has just begun.
Of course, it turned out these were all lies, fabrications. But it was great material for the headlines and speeches that did an excellent job of scaring everyone during the year it took the U.S. military to build up the troops and materiel to invade. Yes, an important point, don't forget about that year where, as troops, ships and planes were piling up on the Iraqi borders, America's administration was talking about trying to give diplomacy a chance.
Today there's a headline in the Los Angeles Times: "Nuclear Trigger Project Alleged." The source is an Iranian exile group (the press conference was in Paris) and they allege that Tehran is close to producing a device to initiate a chain reaction for a nuclear bomb.
Meanwhile, in England, on CNN this morning, Secretary Rice was stating in a press conference that invading Iran "is not on the agenda" (and here's the kicker) "AT THIS POINT." She said that she wanted to see if diplomacy would get the desired result.
As Yogi Berra would say, this is deja vu all over again.
As I would say, Groundhog Year has just begun.
Constant Worry May Increase Alzheimer's Risk
Yahoo reports that "people who have a tendency to worry or feel very stressed out may be more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease later in life."
So if you worry about getting Alzheimer's, you probably will. Unless you forget how worried you are, which might mean you already have it.
[Link]
So if you worry about getting Alzheimer's, you probably will. Unless you forget how worried you are, which might mean you already have it.
[Link]
Be Careful What You Pray For
The most odious of concealed narcissisms—prayer.
John Fowles, novelist
President Bush has just delivered two speeches without making up or butchering words, and credit is being given to his speechwriter Michael Gerson. Gerson has been receiving credit and a bit of grief for inserting too many religious references. Gerson studied theology at Wheaton College and shares Bush's devout Christian faith and his view that the role of Providence in human affairs should be reaffirmed in the public square.
Since we are returning to religion in this country with a fervor, I offer this abbreviated version of Mark Twain’s The War Prayer, it seems rather apropos to the times:
(Some readers may have seen this on No Religion Now and Dairy of a Hope Fiend's sites, where I had slipped it into the comment section, and they immediately posted the excerpt on their sites.)
It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and sputtering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spreads of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country and invoked the God of Battles, beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpouring of fervid eloquence which moved every listener.
It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.
Sunday morning came-next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their faces alight with material dreams-visions of a stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender!-then home from the war, bronzed heros, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory!
The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation -- "God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest, Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!"
Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was that an ever--merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory.
An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness… The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place.
"I come from the Throne-bearing a message from Almighty God! He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd and grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import-that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of-except he pause and think.
If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.
"I am commissioned by God to put into words the other part of it-that part which the pastor, and also you in your hearts, fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory-must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!
"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle-be Thou near them! With them, in spirit, we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it-for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen
(the complete version is easily found using any search engine)
John Fowles, novelist
President Bush has just delivered two speeches without making up or butchering words, and credit is being given to his speechwriter Michael Gerson. Gerson has been receiving credit and a bit of grief for inserting too many religious references. Gerson studied theology at Wheaton College and shares Bush's devout Christian faith and his view that the role of Providence in human affairs should be reaffirmed in the public square.
Since we are returning to religion in this country with a fervor, I offer this abbreviated version of Mark Twain’s The War Prayer, it seems rather apropos to the times:
(Some readers may have seen this on No Religion Now and Dairy of a Hope Fiend's sites, where I had slipped it into the comment section, and they immediately posted the excerpt on their sites.)
It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and sputtering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spreads of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country and invoked the God of Battles, beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpouring of fervid eloquence which moved every listener.
It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.
Sunday morning came-next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their faces alight with material dreams-visions of a stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender!-then home from the war, bronzed heros, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory!
The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation -- "God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest, Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!"
Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was that an ever--merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory.
An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness… The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place.
"I come from the Throne-bearing a message from Almighty God! He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd and grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import-that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of-except he pause and think.
If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.
"I am commissioned by God to put into words the other part of it-that part which the pastor, and also you in your hearts, fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory-must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!
"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle-be Thou near them! With them, in spirit, we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it-for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen
(the complete version is easily found using any search engine)
Thursday, February 03, 2005
A Pyrrhic Victory
A battle won is a battle which we will not acknowledge to be lost.
Ferdinand Foch (1851–1929), French general
In the absence of freedom and with U.S. troops on high alert, Republicans claim elections are a success. It is amazing how elections can look safe and successful when martial law has been instituted. When insurgents cannot move around easily to perform their cold-blooded murder of innocent people, then people are safe.
Unfortunately for the Republicans’ public relations campaign, martial law has been rescinded and the insurgents are again free to kill and maim. Thursday two civilians were singled out because they had voted. Also, 10 other voters were killed in a spate of attacks across the country. South of Baghdad, near the largely Shi'ite town of Hilla, gunmen drew up alongside the car of a local government official and shot him dead, according to the Associated Press.
Spinning Iraqi Forces (to their grave)
At a hearing about the status of the Iraq war after Sunday's election there, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz told lawmakers that while Iraqi security forces have made an enormous contribution toward keeping the country safe, "much work clearly needs to be done."
Clearly, I would say the first step would be staying alive. Iraqi insurgents staged a major ambush on a road near Baghdad Thursday, killing two policemen, wounding 14 and leaving at least 16 missing on the worst day of violence since last Sunday's election. The attack came a day after guerrillas in the north dragged Iraqi soldiers off a bus and shot 12 of them dead, and suggests the country's 22-month-long insurgency is far from over, despite its failure to stop last weekend's vote.
Iraq's trained security forces number about 125,000 but only a third of those soldiers and police (approximately 41,000) have enough training to engage in combat with insurgents across the country, the chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Richard Myers told lawmakers Thursday. “About 40,000 can go anywhere in the country and take on any threat. That does not mean the rest of them aren't useful.''
Does he mean useful as in cannon fodder?
Ferdinand Foch (1851–1929), French general
In the absence of freedom and with U.S. troops on high alert, Republicans claim elections are a success. It is amazing how elections can look safe and successful when martial law has been instituted. When insurgents cannot move around easily to perform their cold-blooded murder of innocent people, then people are safe.
Unfortunately for the Republicans’ public relations campaign, martial law has been rescinded and the insurgents are again free to kill and maim. Thursday two civilians were singled out because they had voted. Also, 10 other voters were killed in a spate of attacks across the country. South of Baghdad, near the largely Shi'ite town of Hilla, gunmen drew up alongside the car of a local government official and shot him dead, according to the Associated Press.
Spinning Iraqi Forces (to their grave)
At a hearing about the status of the Iraq war after Sunday's election there, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz told lawmakers that while Iraqi security forces have made an enormous contribution toward keeping the country safe, "much work clearly needs to be done."
Clearly, I would say the first step would be staying alive. Iraqi insurgents staged a major ambush on a road near Baghdad Thursday, killing two policemen, wounding 14 and leaving at least 16 missing on the worst day of violence since last Sunday's election. The attack came a day after guerrillas in the north dragged Iraqi soldiers off a bus and shot 12 of them dead, and suggests the country's 22-month-long insurgency is far from over, despite its failure to stop last weekend's vote.
Iraq's trained security forces number about 125,000 but only a third of those soldiers and police (approximately 41,000) have enough training to engage in combat with insurgents across the country, the chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Richard Myers told lawmakers Thursday. “About 40,000 can go anywhere in the country and take on any threat. That does not mean the rest of them aren't useful.''
Does he mean useful as in cannon fodder?
On The Mark -- Bush's Enter Strategy
After watching the Democratic response last night it really struck me for the first time how far apart the Republicans and Democrats are regarding the Middle East. Pelosi and Reid were talking about how, after the "successful" election in Iraq, we now need an exit strategy. Kennedy, earlier in the week, said we need to pull out 12,000 troops today just to show we mean business (which most of his fellow Dems quickly disagreed with as an immediate action, although they agree with the concept).
Pelosi and Reid's comments were moments after Bush had put Syria and Iran directly in his sights. In fact, I'd have to go back and look, but his language regarding Syria and Iran sounded just like what he said in the State of the Union address in 2003 before the invasion of Iraq. (Paraphrasing: "And I say to the people of Iran, as you fight for liberty, we will stand with you.")
Bush and his administration haven't offered an exit strategy because they DON'T HAVE ONE, but not for the reasons the Dems are talking about (incompetence). They don't have one because Iraq is their ENTER STRATEGY.
I could see them all in the Oval office chuckling as the Dems gave their rebuttal. "These guys really don't have a clue," they chortled, I'm sure. "Shock and awe? you ain't seen nothing yet."
Unfortunately, they're right. As has been evidenced over the past 4 years, the Dems are one step behind in understanding their competition.
To use a business metaphor, most businesses that function like the Dems are functioning right now are usually out of business before they realize what happened.
Pelosi and Reid's comments were moments after Bush had put Syria and Iran directly in his sights. In fact, I'd have to go back and look, but his language regarding Syria and Iran sounded just like what he said in the State of the Union address in 2003 before the invasion of Iraq. (Paraphrasing: "And I say to the people of Iran, as you fight for liberty, we will stand with you.")
Bush and his administration haven't offered an exit strategy because they DON'T HAVE ONE, but not for the reasons the Dems are talking about (incompetence). They don't have one because Iraq is their ENTER STRATEGY.
I could see them all in the Oval office chuckling as the Dems gave their rebuttal. "These guys really don't have a clue," they chortled, I'm sure. "Shock and awe? you ain't seen nothing yet."
Unfortunately, they're right. As has been evidenced over the past 4 years, the Dems are one step behind in understanding their competition.
To use a business metaphor, most businesses that function like the Dems are functioning right now are usually out of business before they realize what happened.
Translating the State of the Union Speech
What can I say... Toner Mishap leans a little to the left. And with that in mind, I'm translating portions of the President's State of the Union speech from Wednesday night. His words are in italics; the translation is in boldface.
Small business is the path of advancement, especially for women and minorities.
Small business is the path of advancement, especially for women and minorities.
Big business is still the playground of white men; hooray for us!Justice is distorted and our economy is held back by irresponsible class actions and frivolous asbestos claims.
If only those cancer patients would stop suing tobacco companies.My Clear Skies legislation will cut power plant pollution and improve the health of our citizens.
The Clear Skies plan will allow three times more toxic mercury emissions, 50% more sulfur emissions, and hundreds of thousands more tons of smog-forming nitrogen oxides. It will also delay cleaning up this pollution by up to a decade compared to the existing Clean Air Act. [Source 1 and Source 2]We will make sure that your earnings are not eaten up by hidden Wall Street fees. We will make sure there are good options to protect your investments from sudden market swings on the eve of your retirement.
You can trust me on this; me and my buddies know all the best ways to make money while the little people lose everything.Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be redefined by activist judges. For the good of families, children and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage.
We need to keep marriage safe for heterosexual adulterers and wife-beaters; that's some dignity right there.Because one of the deepest values of our country is compassion, we must never turn away from any citizen who feels isolated from the opportunities of America. Our government will continue to support faith-based and community groups that bring hope to harsh places.
We will help you, as long as you accept our religious beliefs as your own.Tonight I propose a three-year initiative to help organizations keep young people out of gangs, and show young men an ideal of manhood that respects women and rejects violence.
Respect women? Of course I do; that's why you know it's not true that at that appearance in Colorado Springs I, George Bush, rushed past a woman standing on the stage and slapped her buttocks as I did so. [Source] And a war-monger? Are you crazy? Me?The United States has no right, no desire and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else.
Unless you mean imposing our form of democracy on Iraq. That, we're doing. And we're damn proud of it, too.Today, Iran remains the world's primary state sponsor of terror, pursuing nuclear weapons while depriving its people of the freedom they seek and deserve. We are working with European allies to make clear to the Iranian regime that it must give up its uranium enrichment program and any plutonium reprocessing and end its support for terror.
A war-monger? Me? And I swear that we didn't tell Halliburton it was time to clear out of Iran because we're about to invade.Freedom in Iraq will make America safer for generations to come.
Unless they elect someone who doesn't like America. And the majority of Iraqi citizens don't like America. How does democracy work again?I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer. We must, however, be guided by some basic principles.
I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer. I'm talking to you, Cheney. And Condi. And Karl, of course. That's it. The rest of you folks that disagree with us, you're out of luck.[Read the transcript at NPR.]
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Rules for State of the Union Speeches
Reality Based Nation shares some rules for future presidents when making SOTU speeches, including this one:
1. You wanna know what rocks? The use of parents of slain soldiers killed in unpopular, bloody, lie-based wars for political purposes. That's what rocks.Check it out here.
State of the Union Statistics
From our friend Beaucoup Kevin.
"Freedom" was used 21 times.
"Social Security" was used 17 times.
"Terror" was used 15 times.
"Iraq" was used 14 times.
"Terrorists" was used 11 times.
"Economy" was used 11 times.
"Liberty" was used 7 times.
"Medical" was used 4 times in association with the words "error," "liability," and "research" twice.
"Afghanistan" was used 3 times.
"Weapons of Mass Destruction" was used once.
"Weapons of Mass Murder" was used once.
"Nuclear Weapons" was used once.
"Asbestos" was used once.
"Iran" was used once.
"Medical Care" was never used.
[Read the transcript at NPR.]
"Freedom" was used 21 times.
"Social Security" was used 17 times.
"Terror" was used 15 times.
"Iraq" was used 14 times.
"Terrorists" was used 11 times.
"Economy" was used 11 times.
"Liberty" was used 7 times.
"Medical" was used 4 times in association with the words "error," "liability," and "research" twice.
"Afghanistan" was used 3 times.
"Weapons of Mass Destruction" was used once.
"Weapons of Mass Murder" was used once.
"Nuclear Weapons" was used once.
"Asbestos" was used once.
"Iran" was used once.
"Medical Care" was never used.
[Read the transcript at NPR.]
On The Mark -- Recommended Reading
I haven’t done anything “lite” for a while, so I thought I’d promote some books I read in the past couple of weeks:
For escapism, “At Risk,” a debut novel by Stella Rimington, former director of MI5 in England. A modern-day terrorism mystery mixed with James Bond gadgetry, psychology, and the dilemmas a secret agent (female) faces in trying to have a love life. Suggest you begin reading on a Friday night because you won’t be able to put it down once you get into it.
To get an accurate Arab perspective from one of the great intellectuals of our time, “From Oslo to Iraq, Essays,” by Edward Said, former longtime professor at Columbia University (died in September 2003). One of the great ironies of this book is that one would think that the Bush Administration and the neocons would be having the editors of the New York Times and CNN (for example) over for dinner every night because of how, as Said describes, they’ve only presented one side of the story (you can guess what side that is) of what’s going on in the Middle East. He also doesn’t pull any punches about his opinions of Thomas Friedman, Bernard Lewis and Fouad Ajami (who Said says told the Bush Administration [that Cheney later echoed publicly] that the Iraqis would welcome the troops with flowers and open arms), for example.
Gitta Sereny’s “The Healing Wound, Reflections and Experiences in Germany 1938-2001,” is wonderful. Although it may be difficult to find, this collection of essays and updated writings (mostly for British newspapers) provides a historical, non-historian perspective of Germany before and during WWII, and its aftermath.
For escapism, “At Risk,” a debut novel by Stella Rimington, former director of MI5 in England. A modern-day terrorism mystery mixed with James Bond gadgetry, psychology, and the dilemmas a secret agent (female) faces in trying to have a love life. Suggest you begin reading on a Friday night because you won’t be able to put it down once you get into it.
To get an accurate Arab perspective from one of the great intellectuals of our time, “From Oslo to Iraq, Essays,” by Edward Said, former longtime professor at Columbia University (died in September 2003). One of the great ironies of this book is that one would think that the Bush Administration and the neocons would be having the editors of the New York Times and CNN (for example) over for dinner every night because of how, as Said describes, they’ve only presented one side of the story (you can guess what side that is) of what’s going on in the Middle East. He also doesn’t pull any punches about his opinions of Thomas Friedman, Bernard Lewis and Fouad Ajami (who Said says told the Bush Administration [that Cheney later echoed publicly] that the Iraqis would welcome the troops with flowers and open arms), for example.
Gitta Sereny’s “The Healing Wound, Reflections and Experiences in Germany 1938-2001,” is wonderful. Although it may be difficult to find, this collection of essays and updated writings (mostly for British newspapers) provides a historical, non-historian perspective of Germany before and during WWII, and its aftermath.
The Poor Get Poorer and the Rich Get Richer
The poor don't rest nor are they permitted the pleasure of relaxation.
Carolina Maria De Jesús (1913 - 1977), writer and lecturer
Tonight President Bush is going to go for the hard sell to promote privatizing Social Security. Yet, most people can’t even manage their 401k accounts. Don’t count on any help from the White House to protect your savings, when this administration had an opportunity to work with New York State Atty. Gen. Eliot Spitzer, it opposed overhauls designed to curb fraud by investment bankers, mutual funds and stock analysts.
Now that the recent tax breaks have benefited the wealthy and depleted the nation's budget surplus, it means stockbrokers will shovel in the dough, especially if they get to manage the country's retirement savings. Once the coffers and personal bank accounts of Wall Street executives are full, then the administration before it’s through will do away with the inheritance tax and further expedite and ensure a more defined class-conscious society. Let's welcome the return of the Gilded Age.
Carolina Maria De Jesús (1913 - 1977), writer and lecturer
Tonight President Bush is going to go for the hard sell to promote privatizing Social Security. Yet, most people can’t even manage their 401k accounts. Don’t count on any help from the White House to protect your savings, when this administration had an opportunity to work with New York State Atty. Gen. Eliot Spitzer, it opposed overhauls designed to curb fraud by investment bankers, mutual funds and stock analysts.
Now that the recent tax breaks have benefited the wealthy and depleted the nation's budget surplus, it means stockbrokers will shovel in the dough, especially if they get to manage the country's retirement savings. Once the coffers and personal bank accounts of Wall Street executives are full, then the administration before it’s through will do away with the inheritance tax and further expedite and ensure a more defined class-conscious society. Let's welcome the return of the Gilded Age.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Gently... gently... almost... aahhh.
Is it me? It's not me, right? There's something inappropriate going on here, right? With the squeezing? And the... well, you know.
On The Mark -- Read the Fine Print
The United States announced this weekend that it will be invading Iran. What?! you say. I didn't see or read that story anywhere.
It was buried in the fine print, deep in the paper, in a small corner, boxed story. The headline: "Halliburton Will Withdraw from Energy Projects in Iran." The article stated that the company will withdraw all of its employees and end its business activities.
The company's chief executive said, "The business environment currently in Iran is not conducive to our overall strategy and objectives." Or, simply translated, he's been told to get out while you can to 1) protect your employees and business assets, and 2) so there will be enough time lapsed between your departure and the invasion so it won't look like you were aiding the enemy.
Of course, one could wonder what they're doing in Iran in the first place since there are sanctions against American companies to work there. But, unsurprisingly, they have been able to circumvent those sanctions through a Dubai unit registered in the Cayman Islands. I mean, come on, but that's for another rant at another time.
In the meantime, as they always tell you in business, make sure you read the fine print for the real story.
It was buried in the fine print, deep in the paper, in a small corner, boxed story. The headline: "Halliburton Will Withdraw from Energy Projects in Iran." The article stated that the company will withdraw all of its employees and end its business activities.
The company's chief executive said, "The business environment currently in Iran is not conducive to our overall strategy and objectives." Or, simply translated, he's been told to get out while you can to 1) protect your employees and business assets, and 2) so there will be enough time lapsed between your departure and the invasion so it won't look like you were aiding the enemy.
Of course, one could wonder what they're doing in Iran in the first place since there are sanctions against American companies to work there. But, unsurprisingly, they have been able to circumvent those sanctions through a Dubai unit registered in the Cayman Islands. I mean, come on, but that's for another rant at another time.
In the meantime, as they always tell you in business, make sure you read the fine print for the real story.
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