I've seen three of them

I've apaprently only seen three of the movies ominated for Oscars this year (I apparently spent more time with my family than I did with MGM, etc.):

Batman Begins (cinematography)
Star Wars Episode III (make-up)
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (costume design)

Excerpts from Hamas' Charter:"The Martyrs' Oath"

Hamas has apparently won a landslide victory in parliamentary elections in what is now being called Palestine. Why is this a big deal? To start with, because they are murderous bastards who have been behind most of the terrorist attacks in Israel. Here are two excerpts from Hamas' charter:

"Our struggle against the Jews is very great and very serious...The Movement is but one squadron that should be supported by more and more squadrons from this vast Arab and Islamic world, until the enemy is vanquished and Allah's victory is realised..."

"The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him salvation, has said: 'The Day of Judgement will not come about until Muslims fight the Jews (killing the Jews), when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Muslims, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him...'"

[Read the whole thing at The Jerusalem Post.]

Bling H20

Thanks, Devo, for showing us that you *can* have a campaign for bottled water that couples wit and subtle humor without resorting to a "lowest-common-denominator" approach.

And because I know you're probably dying to see the product in situ, here's the link.

Don't go solo.

It bothers me that so many great bands break up so that the lead singer can go solo. The music we fell in love with disappears as the singer attempts to prove he or she has "range." Some examples of folks who should've stuck with the band:

Bjork (The Sugarcubes)
Sting (The Police)
Paul McCartney (Wings) [Ha, ha]
Max Collins (Eve 6)
Gwen Stefani (No Doubt)
Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Joe Walsh (The Eagles)

I know you've got a list, too -- share it, won't you?

Why God Chose the Jews

Read Andrew Klavan's article in the California section of today's Los Angeles Times for a great op-ed piece on why Jews are the chosen people -- in essence, he casts anti-Semitism as an "early-warning system" for crazy people. That's why Jews are on this planet, he writes somewhat tongue-in-cheekily: people who claim the Jews are behind a worldwide conspiracy or killed Christ or run the banks or whatever are inevitably revealed as cranks, and we can use their early anti-Semitic ravings as warnings of potentially bigger trouble to come.

Shelly Winters, Star of "Pete's Dragon," Dies at 85

She was one wicked mother in "Pete's Dragon." And some other stuff, too.

[Source]

Star Wars Geeks Prepare:5-25-77 is coming!

Just watched a trailer for an awesome film -- 5-25-77. It's the story of a small-town geek obsessed with science fiction, and in particular the upcoming release of "Star Wars" on May 25, 1977 (hence the film's title).

I can remember dressing as Luke Skywalker for Halloween that year... hmm, I think it was Halloween. Well, I was five years old, so if I wore the outfit a little too much it can be forgiven. That said, I'm still a big fan of the series (even after seeing Episodes One, Two and Three), and I can't wait to see this movie.

The trailer's a big file (54mb), so I'm not hosting it, but you can see it here (just scroll down under the review of the film).

This is the home page for the movie, and this is something you may want after you watch the trailer.

Oh, and did I mention the movie was made on a Mac?

Larry David and Cowboys

Our buddy Rags mentioned in a comment that Larry David had recently written a piece on "Brokeback Mountain," and I just did, and it's great; here's an excerpt:

Somebody had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.

Read the whole thing here, in The New York Times.

Recent Movies

Hollywood will rot on the windmills of Eternity
Hollywood whose movies stick in the throat of God
Yes Hollywood will get what it deserves.
Allen Ginsberg (1926 - 1997), poet

Movies I have seen recently:

Match Point – Excellent
Walk the Line – Excellent
Syriana – Wait for the DVD
Brokeback Mountain – Wait for the DVD
The Family Stone – Wait for the DVD
Good Night, and Good Luck -- Excellent

Making the Most of the New Year

The rose that all are praising
Is not the rose for me.
Thomas Haynes Bayly (1797 - 1839), writer

Welcome to a new year, big deal. We made it and we’ll make it again, according to life insurance actuaries. So far three days into 2006 and I don’t feel much like writing. I tend to write more frequently when I am content, and lately I’m anything but while trying to figure out the future. Where I’m I going to live? There may be an opportunity to move to the East Coast, if not, do I get a small place next to work or a place more affordable not far from where I am now? In either case, I will be looking for a place of my own by mid-February. This year will bring a number of changes that I hope I have the good sense and good luck to parlay into something positive.

So here is to all of us making the right choices for a happy, healthy and enjoyable New Year.

Happy New Year to All

Hope and foreboding. Not necessarily in equal measure, either. What every new year has that recommends it over the old one is the promise of uncertainty, We know what happened last year. There is always the possibility that we will learn from our mistakes, tighten our abdominals, stop smoking, exercise greater patience and dedicate our lives to the selfless pursuit of Man’s greater good. There is also the off chance that pigs will fly.”
Ted Koppel, Reporter, from his book "Off Camera, Private Thoughts Made Public"

The above is my favorite New Year's quote. I used it last year too. It's my New Year's tradition, similar to ol' Dick Clark's Time Square deal.

Here's to hoping you reach for all you strive for.

Hanukkah in Santa Monica

I mentioned Tom Lehrer's song "Hanukkah in Santa Monica" the other day; here's a little movie I made to complement the music.

Click me to watch; just give it a second or two to load.

Merry Christmas From the Misanthrope

To perceive Christmas through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985), writer

More Rings Are Found Around Uranus

Add your own joke here:

__________________________________

[Link]

Please don't try to include me.

Why is that so many Christian acquaintances of mine try so hard to convince me that Christmas is American, and not Christian? Why the need to show me every article talking about the American nature of Christmas, its universality, its appeal to people of all religions?

It's not that I don't like Christmas -- it's just that it's not my holiday. I don't care how many Americans celebrate it or how secular it is or that its major symbolic imagery at this stage in history couldn't be more divorced from religion; it's not a holiday for Jews.

Don't tell me you know Jews who celebrate Christmas because they enjoy the spirit of the season. Don't tell me about the kid you went to school with who was totally Jewish but had a Christmas tree because she liked the smell. I really don't want to hear it.

Christmas is, at heart, about the birth of Jesus, and Jesus is hailed by Christians as the son of God. Here's the bare truth: Jews don't believe that; it's antithetical to Judaism to believe in Jesus as anything other than a human being. And you can't expect us to be participants in a holiday which has as its raison d'etre a concept that is diametrically opposed to our beliefs. We don't even feel bad about it, so don't try to find ways to include us.

I wish my Christian friends a "Merry Christmas," and we send cards and presents as appropriate to our friends and family who celebrate it (intermarriage at work). And I have no problem with public celebrations such as the White House Christmas Tree and the like. I think we should keep the Christ in Christmas. But it's not my holiday, OK?

It's insulting to me that you can't just enjoy your holiday; you have to make me a part of it. It's a fairly close parallel to what Antiochus and the Greeks tried to do two thousand or so years ago in a little story we remember every year at Hanukkah. (OK, not a very close parallel -- but religious coercion is what we're talking about.)

Deck your halls, flock your tree, drink your egg nog, have a merry Christmas... just leave me out of it.

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling

It is a political error to practice deceit, if deceit is carried too far.
Frederick II (1712 - 1786), Prussian monarch

The Bush gang enjoys crying wolf whenever they want their way. We heard about aluminum tubes that could only possibly be used for nuclear weapons, mobile chemical labs that required us to attack a country, and both were out and out lies. Now there are terrorists among us that require eavesdropping on U.S. citizens. Here is why I don’t buy Bush’s arguments for secretly violating our rights. If the CIA and the FBI were not busy playing politics and if their budgets were properly maintained, 9/11 would not have happened. People were asleep at the wheel.

We had all the information to stop 9/11. We just did not fit all the pieces of the puzzle together. If we could have stopped them prior to the attack without moving toward fascism, then why could we not keep track of potential terrorists after 9/11 since the Bush gang has revamped and modified our security agencies?

The Bush gang are a dangerous lot and if the people don’t speak out, we are heading down a one-way road that will destroy everything good that this country was founded upon.

Sunrise, Tuesday Morning

He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity's sunrise.
William Blake (1757 - 1827), British poet, painter, and engraver

Here I am complaining about people yakking on their cell phones, shaving or eating while driving, so if I can’t beat them I’ll join them. The sunrise was so nice Tuesday morning that I had to take pictures of it.

However, don’t expect your photos to come out if you shoot through the windshield, it’s not going to happen. So, I opened the sunroof and pointed east and here are my pictures. Granted they are not in the category of Hoarded Ordinaries, but it’s a start.

These photos are of the Golden State (5) freeway heading east at
6:37 a.m. Dec. 20.

'Tis the Season for Tom Lehrer

I'm feeling the holiday spirit, and so I'm pleased to share with you a little something: Tom Lehrer's "Hanukkah in Santa Monica." If you don't know Tom Lehrer, you should.

Hanukkah in Santa Monica

[And if you want to thank me, buy something.]

For the last time: I hate celery!

On NPR this morning (liberal media alert!) I was listening to yet another story about some school district trying to put intelligent design on the same footing as evolution.

Here's what I don't get: I understand the need for debate and discussion, but do we really need to do this over and over again, to the ridiculous extreme of getting the courts involved?

Steven Jay Gould (dead thinker extraordinaire) had a great idea, which he used many of his wonderfully-readable essays and books to promote: let religion have its domain, and science its domain.

In all matters of faith and morals, where the details can not be assessed in a critical, scientific fashion, let religion have control; this includes the existence of God, how to be a good person, and how many times you have to count those beads or blow those horns to get your specific deity to forgive you.

Anything that can be checked, verified, and confirmed or refuted by the scientific method should be left to science; this includes the size and flatness of the earth, the ordering of the solar system, and -- oh yeah! -- biology.

Evolution is a verifiable fact -- so that's science. Intelligent design is a great idea in many ways, but you can't prove whether God exists, so if you want to say that some cosmic clockmaker set the works in motion that's fine, but it's religion.

What happens when religion tries to butt into scientific affairs? They could claim that the Earth is at the center of the universe, and then be proven wrong. For example.

What happens when science butts into religion's territory? They could claim that there's no scientific basis for moral behavior other than when it's advantageous to your survival, so if it won't affect your survival there's no need to be moral. Yuck.

The state-run schools can not promote one religion's views over any other, and should not teach religious ideas in place or even next to scientific fact. So let's just stop the arguing and do the right thing: keep science in our schools, keep religion in our houses of worship, and stop wasting everyone's time talking about it over and over again.

God bless.

Christmas Tips -- Make Sure There are No Twins

Do they allow tipping on the boat?
—Yes, sir.
Have you got two fives?
—Oh, yes, sir.
Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.
Groucho Marx (1895 - 1977), comedian and film actor

This is the time of year when everything gets rather expensive. The gardeners and the house-cleaning person have to be paid extra, as if I don’t pay them enough already. They provide a service for which I pay them. I provide a service to my employer and I get no bonuses.

I am being somewhat facetious the gardner and house cleaner are a major convenience and they are nice people as well. Saturday morning is when the gardeners come and every other Saturday is when our cleaning person arrives.

The gardeners work in teams of two or three and I noticed last year that the team grows as Christmas approaches. This year, I decided I was going to give my favorite guy, the one who seems to work the hardest something extra. I also slip him between $5-10 from time to time. The gardeners arrived, but my favorite was dropped off by himself, so I thought this would be a good time to give him the extra money. I walked out the door and he waved to me as he normally does, but his English seems to be weaker than normal (my Spanish is non-existent). I ask where his buddy was and he tries to tell me about his brother going to Mexico next week. I explain that I will take care of his partner, but that he has received extra. He thanks me and goes to work.

His partner shows up and it’s my favorite gardener. He waves to me like he always does, his English is much better and its then that I realize they are twins! So, now I have to give the same amount to him. So this month I paid my gardeners more than twice the amount of the bill.

The cleaning lady is as sweet as they come and she arrived bearing gifts. Oh crap. I ran into the back room and threw more money in her card.

It’s better to give than receive, right?