Please Don’t Pray for Me

Pray (verb) -- to ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose Bierce (1842–1914), author

I offer this news story with running commentary. The following is an excerpt from today’s New York Times article "Long-Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer" using all combinations of my weak sense of humor such as sarcasm, hillbilly language (which probably is spoken more readily here in Los Angeles by so called educated people), and poor taste.

Prayers offered by strangers had no effect on the recovery of people who were undergoing heart surgery, a large and long-awaited study has found.
I ain’t having none of it. This story was written by one of those terrorist lovin’ New York Times’ reporter.

And patients who knew they were being prayed for had a higher rate of post-operative complications like abnormal heart rhythms, perhaps because of the expectations the prayers created, the researchers suggested.
This could give new meaning to the phrase: “I’m going to pray for you.”

Because it is the most scientifically rigorous investigation of whether prayer can heal illness, the study, begun almost a decade ago and involving more than 1,800 patients, has for years been the subject of speculation.
I don’t care how rigorous the investigation or irrefutable the evidence, because if god can create the earth HE most certainly can answer a prayer.

The question has been a contentious one among researchers. Proponents have argued that prayer is perhaps the most deeply human response to disease, and that it may relieve suffering by some mechanism that is not yet understood. Skeptics have contended that studying prayer is a waste of money and that it presupposes supernatural intervention, putting it by definition beyond the reach of science.
Note in this paragraph that the smart ones are called skeptics, soon it will be heretics, again. The reason this was contentious is because they were praying to find a believable answer so their prayers of winning the Nobel prize could be answered.

"One conclusion from this is that the role of awareness of prayer should be studied further," said co-author of the study Dr. Charles Bethea, a cardiologist at Integris Baptist Medical Center in Oklahoma City (and someone who feared for his life if he said there was no god).

Tone at the Top

People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. … The leader works in the open, and the boss in covert. The leader leads, and the boss drives.
Theodore Roosevelt (1858–1919), U.S. Republican president

The Wall Street Journal yesterday had an article on how Halliburton’s work in Iraq was so shoddy the government threatened to pull its no-bid contract if the company’s quality, integrity and cost of work did not improve.

Pentagon auditors questioned $45 million of the $365 million Halliburton received for the work.

The report stated: among the serious and persistent problems identified in the documents are repeated examples of apparently intentional overcharging, exorbitant costs, poor cost reporting, slipping schedules and a refusal to cooperate with the government.

The findings of the report prepared for Rep. Henry Waxman (D. Calif.) are the first to examine the company’s contract to restore Iraq’s southern oil fields.

The company of course dismissed the findings as partisan. So, basically it’s shorthand for what the company’s former CEO – Dick Cheney – tells colleagues in the Senate “Go fuck yourself.”

Waving the Yellow Warning Flag

The Inner Game of Business...is understanding the Business Paradox: the better you think you are doing, the greater should be your cause for concern.
Mark McCormack, sports agent, promoter, and lawyer

I am not known as an optimist, so I won’t throw any one off by stating that I think many people will be major financial trouble in the coming months.

We have the new bankruptcy laws that no one is paying too much attention to at this point, but with interest rates up a quarter of a point to 4.75 percent, which means a number of home loans will rise for those who financed their new homes with adjustable rates and for those who have adjustable equitable loans (seconds taken out on their homes).

The government tells us that inflation is under two percent, not counting food or energy costs (somebody needs to tell me why those are not counted, especially since a large percentage of my cash goes to those two items). The New York Times article in today’s paper points out that this interest increase is the last rise before it leaves neutral territory. This means “after 15 consecutive rate increases, the cycle of monetary tightening is reaching its peak as interest rates approach what is seen as a "neutral" rate that is not so high that it slows economic growth but not so low that it allows inflationary fears to come back to life.”

But, what brings this piece home, so to speak, is that an article in yesterday’s Los Angeles Times about swindlers preying on those who cannot afford their homes states that there was one foreclosure for every 1,223 households in Los Angeles. Now, throw in a terrorist attack or a natural disaster such as an earthquake and people are going to be in big trouble. We know what a help FEMA is! People will not be able to walk away from their homes as they used to. The new bankruptcy law states that one has to pay back loans and debts unless one is penniless with no income.

Trouble is brewing.

Lord, Where's My Mercedes Dude!

To be remembered after we are dead, is but poor recompense for being treated with contempt while we are living.
William Hazlitt (1778–1830), English essayist

I was driving to work yesterday listening to Janis Joplin and the lyrics to her song “Mercedes Benz” and it occurred to me why the religious right is so popular. It's because they are all praying for and preying on others and surprisingly they are scoring.

The quote above seemed rather apropos to my thoughts about the religious right or left.

Here is a sampling of Joplin’s song in case you have forgotten it.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Market Forces

A character's monologue from Richard Morgan's novel Market Forces, updated a little to be more appropriate for the present (as opposed to looking back from the future):

Do you really think we can afford to have the developing world develop? You think we could survive the rise of a modern, articulated Chinese superpower? You think we could manage an Africa full of countries run by intelligent, uncorrupted democrats? Just imagine it for a moment. Whole populations getting educated, and healthy, and secure, and aspirational. We can't afford these things to happen. Who's going to make our shoes and shirts? Who's going to supply us with cheap labor? Who's going to buy our weapons?

An educated middle class doesn't want to spend eleven hours a day bent over a stitching machine.They aren't going to work the seaweed farms and the paddy fields till their feet rot. They aren't going to live next door to a fuel-rod dump and shut up about it. They're going to want prosperity. Just like they've seen it on TV.

Please wait, your call matters, please wait your call matters, please wait your call matters…

When complaints are freely heard, deeply considered and speedily reformed, then is the utmost bound of civil liberty attained that wise men look for.
John Milton (1608–74), poet

Whenever I call a company whose service I am using, I get an automated operator who (that) informs me how unusually busy the company is answering other calls, then I get to hear the advertising of all their products. Eventually I am told the call will be monitored. My hope is that they begin monitoring the call from the time I am placed on hold, so they can hear how long their customers are holding. Also, if it is always so unusually busy, why don’t they get more operator? Outsourcing is cheap there should be no excuse.

Actually, I am not sure which is worse, someone who can't help or a recording that is no help.

Post-it Cubicle

We greeted a co-worker returning from a long absence by decorating his cubicle with post-it notes.


It's cliche, but I think the labor involved justifies a little bit of pride in the accomplishment.

"The penis book"?

My wife is on the phone right now with another rabbi, and just said to her, "I had to look something up in the penis book today."

She is now claiming there's a book written by some guy named Shlomo Penis, but I tried Googling it and got nothing.

So what's up with that?

Hiking

Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), writer, philosopher

The past two weekends I have gone on relatively short hikes with my buddy, who knows that I would starve if it wasn’t for his great pizza, garlic bread, meatballs, spaghetti and minestrone soup.

Here are a couple of pictures from the Santa Susanna Mountains.

Looking east from Simi Valley toward the San Fernando Valley at approximately 7:15 a.m. Sunday, Feb. 12

Looking west toward Simi Valley somewhere between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. Monday, Feb.6

Worse Than A Cell Phone

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle.
Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), novelist

There doesn’t seem like there is anything worse than the knucklehead in front of you yakking on the phone slowing traffic down. However, and I am a bit ashamed to admit it, but what I was doing was far worse.

I was stuck on the 405 freeway (aka San Diego freeway) going over the Sepulveda pass when I spied a license plate that read HA8 D 405.

I had to have a picture of it for the blog, but alas, all I did was hold up traffic and I didn’t get the shot. While it’s not in the league with the shooting of a friend, allow me to apologize for my self indulgence. The license plate belonged to the SUV in front of me, but I couldn't risk getting too close and having to stop suddenly. As it is, my insurance is going to go up $300 a year because I moved 10 miles east!

A What If Role Reversal

A gun is the ideal weapon of the detached, the reticent, the almost autistic. It is the opposite of a relationship.
Attributed to Oswald Mosley (1896 - 1980), British politician

What if, the 78-year-old lawyer, Harry M. Whittington, the man Cheney shot or as the White House gang refers to it – peppered – had shot Cheney. I suspect that the White House would have immediately released the information.

Not only would the information have been released within minutes, but the incident would be used to rise the terrorist threat to bright red. Then Turd Blossom (aka Karl Rove), would swing into action and make up some crazy rationalization why Congress should unilaterally allow the president to continue spying on its citizens, least the terrorists take advantage of the situation.

Poor Whittington, who happened to have accidentally shot VP Dark Heart, would already be on his way to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to find out who else was involved. His family would be shipped to one of the European torture camps to ensure there was no conspiracy.

The idiot president would show his loyalty and appoint Harriet Miers to fill in the wounded VP, meanwhile French surgeons from "new Europe" would be flown in for a possible face transplant, since the ol’ VP’s mug was pockmarked with iron pepper.

Donald Rumsfeld would hold a press conference to reassure us that stuff happens, but all was well, it is just the networks and the cable stations showing the same footage of the VP being shot that are creating the problem.

Well, it all goes back to the English newspaper headline after the election, “How can 93 million people be so stupid to have reelected this gang?

If You Must – Happy Valentine’s Day

The essence of romantic love is that wonderful beginning, after which sadness and impossibility may become the rule.
Anita Brookner, novelist, art historian

Everyone knows that it is Valentine’s Day. Just 51 days ago, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends all showed their love for one another on Christmas or during Hanukah, and now it’s required again? It all seems a bit silly to me, but than again I am single, so I’m obviously no expert.

Even while married, I found this pseudo holiday incredibly contrived and simply a way for Hallmark and florists to flourish. Maybe that was part of the problem. So to celebrate this Valentine’s Day I will watch the movie "Four Brothers" exact revenge for the death of their mother.

I am such the romantic.

The above photo is titled "Drinking Alone."

A Bit Off Centered, for Now

Somehow, a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy for ever!
Helen Rowland (1875–1950), journalist

I am on my own and it’s a whole new experience.

It’s taken me two weeks to finally get around to going grocery shopping. Once in the store, I really didn’t need that much. I purchased some cashews, a bottle of cheap red wine to go with the spaghetti I planned to have that evening. A case of bottled water because after two nights without any sparkling or regular bottled water, I vowed, as Scarlet O’Hara did in “Gone with the Wind,” as God is my witness, I shall never be without bottled water again. I purchased some microwave popcorn. A few cans of soup, which has become my dinner on most nights.

I have yet to cook anything and most likely it will be a while before I venture into that territory. My source of food has been my friend’s pizzeria. Get all my pick orders at half price. Mostly, I order minestrone soup, a side of meatballs and a slice of garlic bread. The pizza I have delivered on Friday’s.

Saturday, I dropped off clothes at the dry cleaners. I asked how much the shirts were to have cleaned and I was told $3.75. I was shocked and immediately called the ex and asked how much she paid. She didn’t know, she just paid it. I settled for having the shirts laundered for $1.75. But, if all they do is wash them and press them, then maybe I can do that. Once I buy an iron and ironing board.

My pictures are still situated on the floor around the place, because I need someone to help me hang them, otherwise everything will be off center and crooked.

The Rolling Stones Make the Super Bowl

Augustin knew temptation
He loved women, wine and song
And all the special pleasures
Of doing something
You'll never make a saint of me
The Rolling Stones “Saint of Me” written by Mick Jagger/Keith Richards

Here is my take on the Super Bowl: the game was sloppily played with Seattle choking. They dropped passes that should have been caught and they were not thinking as passes that were caught the receiver was out of bounds.

However, I didn’t have a favorite and I had no money on the game, I just wanted to see the halftime show with The Rolling Stones.

I was not disappointed. Mick Jagger had the dance and the swagger turned up. However, and this is where the hypocrisy of the ABC network came into play. The editors of the halftime show cut a few words from the Stones’ songs. Here is how Associated Press described it:

Two sexually explicit lyrics were excised from the rock legends' performance Sunday. The only song to avoid the editor was "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction," a 41-year-old song about sexual frustration.

In "Start Me Up," the show's editors silenced one word, a reference to a woman's sexual sway over a dead man. The lyrics for "Rough Justice" included a synonym for rooster that the network also deemed worth cutting out.

Now what is so silly is that the commercials where far more sexual with innuendos than the Stones song, if anyone could understand the lyrics.

I also have another bone of contention. The AP reporter obviously is not a Stones fan because he doesn’t realize that the whole Rolling Stones appeal is their very practiced ragged, rough performances.

Jagger, at age 62, is still a force of nature, strutting and dancing across a stage designed as a replica of their famed wagging tongue logo. The band's performance felt ragged _ they seemed just warming up during the opening "Start Me Up," and a three-song set affords no such luxury.

The Stones chose three tough rockers, including the best song from their well-received recent album and one of their most enduring hits.

"Here's one we could have done at Super Bowl I," Jagger wryly said in introducing "Satisfaction."

It was their best, most energetic effort, and ended with Jagger blowing a kiss to the audience. But unlike U2's performance four years ago at the Super Bowl, their set was not an example of a band at its peak rising to the majesty of the event.

Nonsense. The three song set was the Stones in top form, if you didn’t like that you are not really a Stones fan.

Whoa... heavy.

Click and watch.

[Thanks, BoingBoing!]

I've seen three of them

I've apaprently only seen three of the movies ominated for Oscars this year (I apparently spent more time with my family than I did with MGM, etc.):

Batman Begins (cinematography)
Star Wars Episode III (make-up)
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (costume design)

Excerpts from Hamas' Charter:"The Martyrs' Oath"

Hamas has apparently won a landslide victory in parliamentary elections in what is now being called Palestine. Why is this a big deal? To start with, because they are murderous bastards who have been behind most of the terrorist attacks in Israel. Here are two excerpts from Hamas' charter:

"Our struggle against the Jews is very great and very serious...The Movement is but one squadron that should be supported by more and more squadrons from this vast Arab and Islamic world, until the enemy is vanquished and Allah's victory is realised..."

"The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him salvation, has said: 'The Day of Judgement will not come about until Muslims fight the Jews (killing the Jews), when the Jew will hide behind stones and trees. The stones and trees will say O Muslims, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him...'"

[Read the whole thing at The Jerusalem Post.]

Bling H20

Thanks, Devo, for showing us that you *can* have a campaign for bottled water that couples wit and subtle humor without resorting to a "lowest-common-denominator" approach.

And because I know you're probably dying to see the product in situ, here's the link.

Don't go solo.

It bothers me that so many great bands break up so that the lead singer can go solo. The music we fell in love with disappears as the singer attempts to prove he or she has "range." Some examples of folks who should've stuck with the band:

Bjork (The Sugarcubes)
Sting (The Police)
Paul McCartney (Wings) [Ha, ha]
Max Collins (Eve 6)
Gwen Stefani (No Doubt)
Glenn Frey, Don Henley, Joe Walsh (The Eagles)

I know you've got a list, too -- share it, won't you?

Why God Chose the Jews

Read Andrew Klavan's article in the California section of today's Los Angeles Times for a great op-ed piece on why Jews are the chosen people -- in essence, he casts anti-Semitism as an "early-warning system" for crazy people. That's why Jews are on this planet, he writes somewhat tongue-in-cheekily: people who claim the Jews are behind a worldwide conspiracy or killed Christ or run the banks or whatever are inevitably revealed as cranks, and we can use their early anti-Semitic ravings as warnings of potentially bigger trouble to come.