Friday, August 19, 2005

On The Mark -- Jazz Greats


I read yesterday that jazz great, Oscar Peterson, was honored by his native country (Canada) by having a postage stamp named after him (the first time for a living person). Diana Krall and hubby Elvis Costello attended the ceremony and Krall played a Peterson instrumental that Costello put words to. Peterson also performed a piece he recently wrote, Requiem, in honor of all the jazz greats who have died recently.

This was timely for me because I had just been thinking in the morning about how there will be no more legends in my lifetime once the few remaining greats die. Save for a few examples, there seems to be a big gap between the Hank Jones's, McCoy Tyner's, and Oscar Peterson's of the world and the younger musicians. Soon I won't be able to see someone who played with Louis Armstrong or Charlie Byrd or John Coltrane or Charlie Parker as I was able to when I saw Clark Terry (who Miles Davis considered his idol) at the Blue Note in NYC a couple weeks ago. I took going to see Ray Brown each year for granted (a world-renowned bass player and once married to Ella Fitzgerald) until he died suddenly of a heart attack a couple years ago.

If you've never seen live jazz -- real jazz -- you're missing out on a true American experience, where it was born. If one of the greats comes to town, go to the club, have a couple drinks, sit back, relax, and enjoy innovative music -- often made up as they play along -- just a few feet from your seat.

Guerilla Gorilla:
Bootleg this!

[It's Friday, and that means it's time for Guerilla Gorilla. This week GG weighs in on the subject of content piracy.]

Guerilla Gorilla not feeling like throwing poop today. Not feeling like it because too many people to throw poop at.

First, there is entertainment industry, which charges Guerilla Gorilla much money for bad CDs or crappy movies. Why try to sell me album of one good song plus eleven mediocre songs for twenty dollars? No wonder me like iTunes so much -- can buy just one good song by itself for one dollar. And me watch movies for free on cable.


Then there is also guy who sells bootleg music and DVDs on corner downtown. What he doing other than making entertainment industry mad? And just to sell crappy home-movie version of Spiderman 2? That has French overdub and no DVD extras?

Here Guerilla Gorilla's idea: industry make better product, at more reasonable price. Consumer pay for it legally instead of freeloading off mp3 blogs or buying from guy-on-street-with-sack. Sound like good arrangement to me.

This week Guerilla Gorilla will be listening to language tapes to learn self how to write English better; maybe this will help Guerilla Gorilla to better convince you humans of my greatness. [grunt]

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Now serving Jews!

After eating at a New Jersey restaurant, Elliott Stein and his girlfriend were handed a bill that said ''Jew Couple'' near the bottom, as a table identifier used by the waitstaff. The description also turned up on Stein's credit card statement weeks later.

Stephen Reid, a spokesman for the restaurant, said it had been the waitstaff's practice to use descriptions of diners to identify them on checks. But the server in this instance is no longer working at the restaurant, general manager Malia Wells said Wednesday. ''We don't run our establishment like that,'' Wells said. ''It was definitely poor judgment on her part.''

[Source]

On The Mark -- Enough Is Enough Series

"Oil on ice does not get this slimy."

A wonderful quote from Philadelphia Inquirer columnist John Grogan. He was describing how Pennsylvania's legislators used a loophole to secretly vote themselves immediate pay increases at 2 a.m. one recent night, then went on a two-MONTH vacation, as reported in today's LA Times.

These raises weren't for cost-of-living increases (as The Misanthrope wrote about yesterday). They ranged from 16% to 34%. They had pooled $130 million in what some analysts have called a slush fund to help pay for these raises. The raises turn out to be particularly hefty when you factor in that they've only served an average of 77 session days a year for the past 5 years.

And by the way, these raises were approved by the legislators just hours after they had voted to slash Medicaid services to the state's disabled, elderly and poor. Fortunately, the media and residents of this state have kept the heat on and now a few legislators have decided not to take their raises "this year."

We're beginning to see a little bit of outrage in this country. A little "enough is enough" attitude.

Good. Finally.

So three graphic designers walk into a bar...

Graphic design humor kills me. There's a great sampling of faux George Lois cover rip-offs at Panopticist, and much more besides (including a redesign of US Weekly that takes as its inspiration Harper's). Enjoy!

OK, I can't make you wait... it's too good:


So check it out, won't you?

Fantasy Leagues Revisited:
The Graphic Design Dream Team

There are, like, millions of baseball fans sharing their fantasy line-ups on the web -- who the best pitcher would be, the best catcher, the clean-up batter, and so on. So why not a fantasy graphic design team? The folks you'd want to see working together putting out a magazine, let's say... assuming, of course, that there were fewer dead people in the ranks and that they could actually work together (a feat beyond many of the talents in this field).

Here's my list -- my semi-modern "dream team" of designers, artists, and photographers... and what role they would play in this possibly incredible publication. Of course, I know that I will no doubt kick myself over the folks I forget to include, but I have decided to do this without consulting any other lists or even my bookshelves; I'm just writing down those that are foremost in my mind. Please feel free to add your comments, or try a version on your own page (just let me know where to go to read it).

Creative direction
Tibor Kalman, Paul Rand, Alexander Isley

Cover illustration
Art Spiegelman

Layout
Neville Brody, David Carson, Abram Games, Stefan Sagmeister, Eric Gill

Type design
Frederick Goudy, Matthew Carter, Jonathan Hoefler, Dennis Ortiz-Lopez, Zuzana Licko

Illustration
Gary Baseman, Greg Clarke, Bruce Eric Kaplan, Lynda Barry

Photography
Man Ray, Mark Seliger, Ansel Adams, Annie Leibovitz

Columnists
Chuck Klosterman, Steven Heller

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

On The Mark -- Playing Games

Here's something that should make one pause for a moment. Soon Russia and China will be teaming up for extensive war games in that region. One-time bitter enemies, that still have differences along some of their shared borders, playing in a region that the U.S. tried to squeeze into after 9/11 as it prepared to invade Afghanistan.

Of course, both nations are "playing" it down, but this is more for international PR than to see how their weapons work and how they react strategically to a situation. Russia wants to get back on the world stage, to be the superpower to balance the U.S. China wants to hint that if Taiwan becomes a military target, that it's not just China the U.S. will have to worry about. And not just Taiwan, North Korea, too. Let's not forget that it wasn't until the Chinese "quietly" got involved in the Korean conflict 50 years ago that discussions for a cease fire began (paraphrasing: a field commander's radio report to a general "We just had a massive firefight with a Chinese battalion;" General: "You're wrong, they're not in this conflict," field commander's response "Like hell they aren't").

No one likes unilateral decisions, and no leadership likes to hear President Bush say all options are on the table, including military, when it comes to Iran, knowing that no one in the world can do anything about it.

As many recent news reports and books have noted, things are changing (back to the old ways) fast in Russia. In fact, one leader is trying to push through a law that would make it illegal for Russian women to marry foreigners, or at the least, make it so they could never return to their homeland and that their extended families would be affected in various ways. Not too far from a law Stalin put in place in 1947 that forbid Russian women from marrying foreigners.

I will be in Russia for the third time this year in a couple weeks and will report a new series of updates on new developments.

Stop Adjusting for Inflation

The first panacea for a mismanaged nation is inflation of the currency; the second is war. Both bring a temporary prosperity; both bring a permanent ruin. But both are the refuge of political and economic opportunists.
Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961), author

Economy Shows Signs of Strain From Oil Prices reads a front page headline on the New York Times website. What a surprise!

The article says Wal-Mart blames energy prices for not meeting quarterly profits. Airlines are again feeling the pinch, and the winter fuel needs have yet to come into play.

Here is my favor line: Without question, economists say, rising oil prices cause less economic pain than they once did. It takes half as much energy to produce $1 of gross domestic product today, adjusted for inflation, than it did 30 years ago. Even at today's prices, oil is cheaper than it was in the early 1980's, once adjusted for inflation.

It does not seem that we should compare products based on an adjusted for inflation index unless everything is based similarly. We can’t adjust our pay checks for inflation. Adjust my home for inflation and it’s worth $2 million, but you say my home value is current. So are the gas prices. They have not stayed stagnant. My salary is current, adjust it for inflation and I should be making something akin to a poor mid-level executive. Adjusted for inflation seems a bogus yard stick.

Iraqi Going Down a Familiar Path

And it's one, two, three,
What are we fighting for ?
Don't ask me, I don't give a damn,
Next stop is Vietnam;
And it's five, six, seven,
Open up the pearly gates,
Well there ain't no time to wonder why,
Whoopee! we're all gonna die.
Country Joe and the Fish, rock band

Families of fallen soldiers coming out against the war are going to be real problem for the Bush Gang. There is no Walter Cronkite to gage the country's pulse, but grieving parents make a poignant story.

The latest family to speak out against the war is Paul Schroeder and Rosemary Palmer, whose son Lance Cpl. Edward Schroeder II, was killed two weeks ago in a roadside explosion that took the lives of 16 Marines from Ohio.

According to the article, the day after burying their son, the parents urged President Bush to either send more reinforcements to Iraq or withdraw U.S. troops altogether.

"We feel you either have to fight this war right or get out," Rosemary Palmer, mother of Lance Cpl. Edward Schroeder II, said Tuesday.

The soldier's father said his son and other Marines were being misused as a stabilizing force in Iraq.

"Our comments are not just those of grieving parents," Paul Schroeder said in front of the couple's home. "They are based on anger, Mr. President, not grief. Anger is an honest emotion when someone's family has been violated."

Palmer accused the president of refusing to make changes in a war gone bad. "Whether he leads them out by putting more troops on the ground or pulling them out - he can't just let it continue," she said.

The White House gang did not comment because, I am guessing here, they have not figured out a way to put a spin on it yet.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Elvis Died 28 Years Ago Today

I read the news today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade

John Lennon/Paul McCartney, the Beatles, “A Day in the Life”

It’s hard to believe the Elvis has been gone for 28 years. It was on this day in 1977, I am sure before many readers here were born, but for me it was one of those "I'll always remember where I was when I heard the news" events. I was returning from Catalina Island after camping out on the beach with a friend there for a night.

We had not heard the news until after the local radio station stopped playing one Elvis song after another. The DJ reported that Elvis was dead. I did not own any Elvis records, but he was a rock and roll icon, and every Beatles fan knew about Elvis' influences.

Another time capsule that points out how time races by.

Stop the babies before they kill again!

It's about time national security authorities took a step combatting terrorism's best-kept secret: baby terrorists.

Yahoo is reporting that infants have been stopped from boarding airplanes throughout the U.S. because their names are the same as or similar to those of possible terrorists on the government's 'no-fly list.' There are those who protest this kind of action is unwarranted or unneccessary, but they are dangerously shortsighted.

Last month at Dulles International Airport outside Washington, Sarah Zapolsky and her husband were detained by a ticketing agent who told them their 11-month-old son was on the government list. "I understand that security is important," Zapolsky said. "But if they're just guessing, and we have to give up our passport to prove that our 11-month-old is not a terrorist, it's a waste of their time." Sure; until that 11-month-old hijacks a plane and flies it into a skyscraper.

Well-known people like Sen. Edward M. Kennedy have also been stopped at airports because their names match those on the lists. I don't think anyone can object that keeping Teddy under closer scrutiny is a just one of the many benefits of this policy.

And in the meantime, every baby stopped is one less baby crying during the entire flight. Crying, of course, to distract us from his evil plans.

Adjusted for the Here and Now

I've been waiting for years to buy a brand new cadillac
But now that I've got one I want to send it right back
I can't afford the gas to fill my luxury limousine
Ray Davies, lead singer for the Kinks, “Gallon of Gas”

Retail gas prices hit another record high over the past three weeks, mirroring a rapid increase in the cost of crude oil, according to Lundberg survey.

Consumers are turning their pockets inside out or adding more debt to their already over burden credit cards as the average price of all three grades rose nearly 20 cents. Do you realized that if all the stars aligned perfectly it would take months for gas to come down by 20 cents a gallon. But today, if the crew chief on an oil derrick has the flu, we can expect to suffer right along with the ill chief from our wallet’s point of view.

The biggest cop out that reporters and analysts use is that $2.53 is not adjusted for inflation. Well, I have news for reporters and the like, my paycheck is barely adjusted for the here and now.

I suspect however, that the oil executives’ bonuses are adjusted for inflation as they hold their umbrellas upside down to collect the windfall of cash.

(the gas prices pictured would be a relief as So. Calif pays pennies short of $3.00 a gallon)

Monday, August 15, 2005

Isaac Mizrahi Pet Clothes

I love my dogs -- I do. And I spoil them; just ask my wife. In fact, until we got the first of our two toy poodles (who are both, kin-ahora, still with us), I was a cat person. Gingie, and then Rashi after her, changed me. Now my house is filled with dog toys and dog snacks of all shapes and sizes.

But even so, I drew the line when my wife came home with our poodles after a grooming session and they had painted toenials. That only happened once. And when my wife tried to put booties on Gingie when we lived in a snowy locale, I objected to that as well.

So I think I'm being totally consistent when I say that this...



... is just too much.

If you need to buy designer-label clothes for your pets (even if it is Target), you have too much money or too few worthwhile things to spend it on.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Misanthrope – Sunday’s Lighter Side

Against the disease of writing one must take special precautions, since it is a dangerous and contagious disease.
Peter Abelard (1079 - 1142), French theologian and philosopher

Oil Change. I brought the car to the dealer for an oil change because I simply trust them more than the local shops. I sat in the lobby reading my newspaper and everything was good. I finished reading, I started to watch the television, and rarely have I seen such insipid programming. I believe it is called the "Steve Edwards Show" and he has two or three female co-anchors. Luckily for those fortunate readers outside of the Los Angeles market, you don’t this rubbish. My description of their silly banter would not do justice to how truly bad this show is. It’s almost reaches the level of Wayne's World garage Cable Show on the old Saturday Night Live.

I called my friend Scribe and he informed me that such programming is exactly what the dealerships want because it numbs the customers’ brains so that when the bill is presented, one is like Jack Nicholson after the frontal lobotomy, and you pay the bill without question.

Angels. I am so glad that I adopted the Los Angeles Angels. They are an exciting team facing stiff competition in their division from the Oakland As, it has become an exciting pennant race. For the first time this year, I listened to game on the radio driving home. The Dodger station has weak reception for most of my drive home, but the Angel station was clear all the way home. Also, since the Dodgers fired Ross Porter after 20 plus years of service, I refused to listen to them on the radio. This afternoon the Angels face the 19-year-old pitching star for the Seattle Mariners. I expect a good game. Go Angeles.

Blogging. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoy the blogging community for the most part. I learned a few things from Bitch.Ph.d and Dr. Steven Taylor at Poliblog. I have even sent a couple of notes back and forth to them. Jack at Random Thoughts generally provides interesting comments on articles I’ve missed. Janet at The Art of Getting By is very clever and has great grasp on life for being so young. I know I am leaving out plenty of others such as, Vitriolic Monkey, Simply Put, Et, al, Diary of a Hope Fiend, Through a Looking Glass, The Dog’s Breakfast, Fighting Inertia, Daxohol, The Bulldog Manifesto, basically just look down the right side of our blogroll list and you will see the sites we visit regularly, even if two of those mentioned don’t link to us.

This a long way of telling you that I have enlisted the services of Lorianne at Hoarded Ordinaries as a writing coach. You can’t blame her for grammatical errors or typos here. She serves a bit like a personal trainer, she is my motivation for getting back into short story writing. It’s working for me. I have been devoting more time to my creative writing and thoroughly enjoying it. Maybe one day I will be published in a literary quarterly. Although, I mentioned that we probably get more readers at Toner Mishap than at a quarterly publication, but it’s the challenge and prestige of such publications that would make it such an honor for me.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Extreme pastry!


As I understand it, the more of these "Entenmann's Extreme Glazed Popems" donuts you eat, the more your agility, grace, and derring-do increase, making you more able to perform fantastic athletic stunts, particularly those practiced by Generation Y.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Damn It!

It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back.
Mick Jagger, Rolling Stones lead singer

It's reviews like this that make me crazy and cause me to break my promises, to which those around simply roll their eyes and say, 'oh no not that, again.'

Guerilla Gorilla:
No Vacation For Me

[It's Friday, and that's means it's time for Guerilla Gorilla. This week GG favors us with his thoughts on President Bush's five-week vacation at his Crawford Ranch in Texas; it's the President's 50th trip to the ranch in his five years as President.]

Guerilla Gorilla perturbed today. Perturbed is me using human art of sarcasm, so I better fit in polite society. Want to seem proper if engaging in political discussions. But Guerilla Gorilla digress from main topic of symposium.

Human President George Bush on vacation again, at his ranch for 50th time in five years. This time for five weeks! Guerilla Gorilla hasn't had vacation like that since... well, ever! And Guerilla Gorilla is not running the free world, only trying to overthrow human hegemony... um, only trying to share thoughts and feelings with humans to promote understanding. Again, Guerilla Gorilla digress. [grunt]

Is this a human thing, where the more important you are the more time you can not do your job? Regular humans who work in small boxes in office buildings only vacation for one or two weeks, but President goes home for five weeks? While war in Iraq continues? Makes hair on my back stand on end.

Maybe if he was doing great job. If everyone was saying, "Hey, that President is good guy. He so smart. He deserve vacation." But Guerilla Gorilla not hear anyone say that. So what deal with that? [grunt]

Makes me want to throw poop.

An American Hero

The voice of protest, of warning, of appeal is never more needed than when the clamor of fife and drum, echoed by the press and too often by the pulpit, is bidding all men fall in and keep step and obey in silence the tyrannous word of command.
Charles Eliot Norton (1827 - 1908), writer, editor, and educator

For President Bush, questions about an exit strategy in Iraq have become especially delicate as a crowd of antiwar protesters has expanded at the edge of his ranch, rallying around Cindy Sheehan, the California woman whose son Casey was killed in Iraq in 2004.

See Bitch.Ph.d’s posts on Cindy Sheehan and checkout the links.

Sheehan is an American hero.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

On The Mark -- 16 More Years! 16 More Years!

I can hear this chant already from the next Republican convention. I was in DC last week and during lunch with some colleagues I tossed out a prediction. At first they thought I was crazy, but as the discussion progressed they started to realize it was a viable possibility.

A few weeks ago I posted that I thought Dick Cheney would be the next Republican candidate for president. One of our readers (sorry, I don't remember who it was) stated that it could go even further, with Cheney picking George W. as his running mate for vice president.

So that's what we discussed in DC. It went from impossible to reality (but they wanted to check to see if a former president could run for VP).

But I saved the best part for last. "But, wait!" I said like an informercial. "There's more." A loud groan could be heard. I continued, "After one year Cheney will step down, supposedly for health reasons, W will assume the presidency, and then appoint his brother, Jeb, as the new VP, thus setting him up for another 8 years, after W has finished out the remaining 7 years of his new presidency (assuming, of course, that they get re-elected).

Under this scenario, there would be a Bush in the presidency for 24 consecutive years (minus one while Cheney was in office).

At the same time, while Papa Bush's downfall was that he didn't know the price of a gallon of milk, W's downfall (I hope) may be when the price of gas tops $3 for good when we were supposed to be sending our men and women to die in Iraq to prevent this from happening.

People don't start paying attention until it affects their wallets.

The Spazmatics


My wife and I went to see the Spazmatics in concert the other night. They're a cover band that dresses up in vintage 1980s geekwear and covers the New Wave hits that were the soundtrack of our youth.

We discussed whether our enjoyment of such fare made us as pathetic as my in-laws, who listen primarily to KRTH (an oldies station) and go to see old guys dress up in leather jackets and ducktails to sing 50s and 60s doo-wop songs. I said no, because we were only enjoying the concert ironically.

We both know that 80s music is the epitome of rock and roll, and as proud members of the Reagan youth (kids who grew up with jelly beans in the oval office, not young Republicans) we still get chills for the B-52s and Oingo Boingo, but we don't limit our listening to nostalgia radio. We still listen to and buy new music, and KROQ is still my primary preset.

Am I protesting too much? Perhaps. But there's one thing I know is true: listen to all the Yellowcard, The Game, and Gwen Stefani you want -- they'll never match up to Social Distortion, Run DMC, and Cyndi Lauper.

I wanna love you tender.


These are stills from an Armi Aavikko video ("I Wanna Love You Tender") that is one of the best horrible videos I've ever seen. The lyrics include gems such as this:
If we all say we wanna love you tender
No one has to be a great pretender
And this world will be a better place to live in.
Those of you who read Finnish can read up on Mr. Aavikko here. Those of you who don't read Finnish will have to settle for watching the video here.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

More Nonsense Spewed from the Rev. Falwell

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898), writer and mathematician

The Rev. Jerry Falwell has done it again. Is there anyway to make this horse’s ass shut his flytrap of a mouth? He sent out a note urging his flock to "vote Christian in 2008" in a letter raising money for his ministries.

According to the Associate Press article, Abraham Foxman, the Anti-Defamation League's national director, said Falwell's statements are "directly at odds with the American ideal and should be rejected."

"Understanding the danger of combining religion and politics, our founding fathers wisely created a political system based on individual merit and religious inclusiveness," Foxman said.

Falwell told The News & Advance of Lynchburg Tuesday that his statement was misunderstood
.

That is what they all say; maybe he could come up with something original – and believable.

"What I was saying was for conservative Christian voters to vote their values, which are pro-life and pro-family," Falwell said. "I had no intention of being anti-Jewish at all."

No, it was just being anti-thoughtful and if he were to follow Christian scripture, anti-forgiving.

Disney Board Not Guilty, But Not So Smart

It's time for greatness -- not for greed. It's a time for idealism -- not ideology. It is a time not just for compassionate words, but compassionate action.
Marian Wright Edelman, author, lecturer, and proud social agitator

A judge ruled that The Walt Disney Co.'s board did not breach their fiscal responsibilities by agreeing to hire Hollywood agent Michael Ovitz as president in 1995, then granting him a $140 million severance package when he left just 14 months later.

The judge said that while directors' conduct "fell significantly short of the best practices of ideal corporate governance," board members did not breach their duties or commit waste.

"It is easy, of course, to fault a decision that ends in failure, once hindsight makes the result of that decision plain to see. But the essence of business is risk — the application of informed belief to contingencies whose outcomes can sometimes be predicted, but never known," the judge wrote in a 175-page opinion.

I like the judge’s reasoning, but maybe he should have commented on the common sense of fiscal responsibility that paying Disney executives a king’s ransom in salary, bonuses and benefits while laying off employees is shameful and truly inexcusable.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

On The Mark -- Google Googled

A reporter at CNET's online news site wanted to illustrate how easy it is to get personal information on someone using the Google search engine. The best way to illustrate this? Why, of course, google Google's chief executive. So the reporter reported what she found, the chief executive's home address, his net worth ($1.5 billion), that he is an amateur pilot and he attended the Burning Man festival. It took the reporter about 30 minutes to get this information.

Now Google is up in arms. They have told News.com, the online tech news service of CNET, that they will not speak to any of their reporters for one year. Now they've refused to speak to the Associated Press.

Give me a break. Serves the chief executive right.

Unfortunately, sometimes one has to feel the pain in order to know that it's real for thousands of others. Kind of like when Pres. Bush told one grieving mother who had lost a son in the war that he understood her grief, and she responded, no you don't, you'll only understand if one of your daughters goes to fight in Iraq.

Anticlimactic Twilight Zone Episodes

[Featured at McSweeney's]

The Monsters are Due on Oak Street

After sighting an unusual meteor overhead, suburban residents become increasingly paranoid when their electric power suddenly fails to function. As the tension mounts, the neighbors begin to suspect one another of being disguised aliens that caused the mysterious outage, making wild accusations and attacking each other. Then one man hears on his radio that the blackout was caused by a Texas-based energy company that manipulated the power grid. The residents become outraged over this for a few days and then fixate on property taxes.

[And there are plenty more at McSweeney's]

Beat It, Get Lost

I’m no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and in the jury system — that is no ideal to me, it is a living, working reality. Gentlemen, a court is no better than each man of you sitting before me on this jury. A court is only as sound as its jury, and a jury is only as sound as the men who make it up.
Harper Lee, author

Something stinks with the Jackson jury. Two jurors who voted to acquit singer Michael Jackson of child molestation and other charges say they regret their decisions. One can have buyer’s remorse over purchasing a car, spending too much on clothes, but not when it comes to deliberating on a jury.

On June 13, the jurors unanimously acquitted Jackson of all charges, which alleged that he molested a 13-year-old boy, plied the boy with wine and conspired to hold him and his family captive so they would make a video rebutting a damaging television documentary.

Would they have mentioned their regrets if they had voted for the death penalty and an execution had taken place? I doubt it. They would have kept their mouths shut and confined their stories to a journal instead of a book deal; something they should do now as well.

Monday, August 08, 2005

TV Journalist Peter Jennings Dead at 67

I subscribe to leaving people with essentially -- sorry it's a cliche -- a rough draft of history. Some days it's reassuring, some days it's absolutely destructive."
Peter Jennings (1938-2005)

Peter Jennings, the Canadian-born broadcaster who delivered the news to Americans each night in five separate decades, died Sunday. He was 67. Jennings, who announced in April that he had lung cancer, died at his New York home.

B2 On Vacation:
Ventura County Fair

The B2 Family went to the Ventura County Fair last week (Wednesday was dollar day, and for a family of five that's too good a deal to pass up). One of the exhibit halls was featuring "collections" -- award-winning groupings of objects around a common theme. Each of the photos links to a larger image on Flickr; do check them out, won't you?

When did collecting Batmobiles become something worth a second place ribbon?


Sure, it's a nice collection, covering the range of Batman vehicles from the 1960s TV show to the latest, "Batman Begins." But worthy of a ribbon? It's not like it's... oh, I don't know... a collection of Star Wars Pez dispensers. Now that would be worth a first place blue ribbon:


With hand-lettered labels, I note. There was also an "Emperor" Pez dispenser, but he had fallen from the top shelf to the bottom, and could not be righted for this photo.

Meanwhile, someone else walked away with a blue ribbon for this... statuette of the Incredible Hulk? Really? A statuette?


Yes, really.

But here's my favorite. This is truly awesome -- an aquarium filled with Batman figures!



Click here to see the whole thing... I had to paste together two photos in Photoshop to show the tremendous magnificence of this entry -- eight Batmen in one aquarium!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

The Misanthrope’s – Sunday’s Lighter Side

The people are unreal. The flowers are unreal, they don't smell. The fruit is unreal, it doesn't taste of anything. The whole place is a glaring, gaudy, nightmarish set, built up in the desert.
Ethel Barrymore (1879 - 1959)

Brushing Your Teeth. I walked by Daughter’s bedroom and there she sat on the edge of her bed, cross-legged, watching the morning news, brushing her teeth. I have no idea where she picked up that little gem of a habit. I prefer standing in the bathroom over the sink. Maybe I’m just old fashioned.

Daughter Again. When she was little, she would go out to the garage with me, hunt down crickets, and stomp on them with her tiny hiking boots. Now that she is older, she has developed a squeamishness about spiders and other insects (not that I am Mr. Outdoors. I won’t sit in the backyard without my fly spray), but on our evening neighborhood walks, we have to walk in the street to avoid spider webs. The itsy bitsy spiders string their webs thither and yond across the sidewalks from parkway to front yard and she has now walked through her last web.

On the Set. I have a great aunt who is an extra in many television
and movie shows (“Minority Reports” as the crazy woman with the corncob pipe, a passenger in the train in “Spiderman 2,” and most recently in “Six Feet Under,” she was the dead woman sitting on the pot when she was discovered). Friday night, I thought I would be a great nephew, especially since she called me asking for a favor, to take her out to a location beyond where B2 lives, for her role/part in an HBO special. It was only to be from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m., but I had to pick her up at three, meet her co-extra at four, but those plans were scraped, then travel 40 miles one way to get her to the location. By 1 a.m. I had lost my patience. I am not enamored by Hollywood, as I told her, you can send Hollywood to Canada for all I care; location filming frequently blocks traffic and is just an overall nuisance. Celebrity does not impress me, but it’s fun to say you have seen so and so or talked to so and so. On the set, Bill Paxton was the star, he rode a bike around and was talking to everyone. I agreed to hangout thinking I could read my book, but once the sun went down there were no lights for reading. I read inside a teamster’s van for a while, I sat on a porch in the neighborhood for a while, but I just wanted to get home. I got my wish sometime after 2 a.m. Daughter wants to do it next time.

New Rolling Stones CD. I have this love hate relationship with the Stones. I think their songs have declined greatly over the years, I would love them to retire, so I won’t hate it when I miss their concerts. I, of course, will have the new CD the day it is released.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

The Human Butterfly Effect

There is not any present moment that is unconnected with some future one. The life of every man is a continued chain of incidents, each link of which hangs upon the former. The transition from cause to effect, from event to event, is often carried on by secret steps, which our foresight cannot divine, and our sagacity is unable to trace.
Joseph Addison (1672–1719), English essayist


What a difference a person can make. Al Aronowitz (picture above), 77, whose obituary ran in the Los Angeles Times Friday, was primarily known for introducing Bob Dylan to the Beatles 41 years ago this month, brings home the point that one man, one woman or even a young adult can influence not just a generation, but a world.

Maybe because it occurs to me we are witnessing the end of era, otherwise I’m not sure why Aronowitz stands out to me, I never heard of him before, but he was one of the original writers of new journalism, according to the article (in which the writer becomes a central part of the story, possibly forefather to blogging), when he covered the Beat generation. His style influenced Tom Wolfe and Hunter S. Thompson.

He introduced The Beatles and Bob Dylan to each other, they most likely would have met anyway, but his interceding hastened a new era, an era where a singer or artist’s personal thoughts (word/lyrics) could be laid bare without cute double meanings and innuendos. His introduction ignited a new creative spark that helped transition the Fab Four from pop into more personalized lyrics and helped move Dylan into an electric sound.

What on the surface appears innocuous and mundane by a largely unfamiliar behind the scenes individual made a difference in the world. It is the Butterfly Effect, the notion of a butterfly flapping its wings in one area of the world causing a tornado to occur in another area of the world, but this time by a human, a creative and enthusiastic individual. The world certainly felt the Aronowitz effect.

Abstolue prefection.


Nothing makes me happier than seeing the word "perfect" misspelled. Of course, the advertisement copy had me smiling even before I saw the error.

Friday, August 05, 2005

B2 On Vacation:
Magic Mountain

Greetings from my vacation! Yes, this year the B2s are vacationing at home, making every day a trip to some fantastic (but local) spot of interest. This past week has been great, and I've been storing up some stuff to share with you. First stop: Six Flags Magic Mountain, in beautiful Santa Clarita, California.

What can I say about the other happiest place on earth, other than DO NOT RIDE TOO MANY ROLLER COASTERS IN A ROW (sorry I had to yell). During the week there are no lines for any rides, and I found out that having a little time in between "Psyclone," "Batman: The Ride" and "Scream" is actually a good thing. Let's not talk about it, OK? Instead, a little bit on the nutritive offerings at the park. First, the prices.


Yes. A burger, fries and drink for eight bucks. EIGHT BUCKS! (Again, sorry about the yelling.) This is the same amount of food you can get at a fast food place for less than five dollars, and at least at Mickey D's the meal comes with a small "My Little Pony"! But when you've got hungry folks with no where else to go, prices tend to stay high.


A little advice: if you go to Magic Mountain, don't order the sushi. Who even thinks selling raw fish at a place where half the patrons are already nauseous is a good idea? WHO?

Last -- my favorite worst name for a resturant ever:


I don't know if the marketing guys in the Six Flags corporate office ran out of good ideas after naming the "Swashbuckler" and the "Goldrusher" rides back in the 70s, but the coaster these days are not as colorfully named; the latest one doesn't even get a name, just a letter: X. So it's not totally surprising that the "B" team is working on names for the in-park restuarants, but this is really just too lame. I can only hope that someone over there reads this blog and decides to rename the place something better, like "Tryptophan Treats" or "Not Just for Thanksgiving."

Guerilla Gorilla:
Appoint this!

It's Friday, and that's means it's time for Guerilla Gorilla. He didn't have anything to say last week, which surprised me. This week he's back, and has some thoughts on President Bush's appointment of John Bolton as Ambassador to the U.N.

Guerilla Gorilla not surprised to hear Bush appointed Bolton while Congress was asleep. Guerilla Gorilla not even sure it so wrong. If Dems are stupid enough to keep talking for so long nobody can get job, what else to do? In fact, now that I am thinking about it, Guerilla Gorilla applauds Bush for being such a decisive leader! This perfectly aligned with gorilla code of leadership: do whatever the f*** you want, and don't apologize later. Now Guerilla Gorilla has some suggestions for Bush to continue strong model of executive office:
1. Appoint new president to take over in 2008. I suggest Bush appoint himself.

2. Appoint new judge to take over for Paula Abdul on "American Idol." Perhaps LaToya Jackson is available.

3. Appoint new host for "Blue's Clues." Guerilla Gorilla likes Joe, but he's no Steve. Quick, before they start shooting new episodes! Do it!

4. Appoint new leader of Catholic Church. Pope is so last century. And new guy is retro, but not "good" retro.

5. Appoint new host of David Letterman show. Guerilla Gorilla watched when he was just a little ape, but now Letterman is less funny than a back full of tics. Even when tics are on some other gorilla.

6. Appoint new fiance for Katie Holmes. Seriously. Me can't be only one who thinks this. [grunt]

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Gun Club Threatens Children

Wasn't going to blog today, though I promise in the next few days to have some pix and commentary on this week's trips to Magic Mountain and the Ventura County Fair... but I had to share this with you.

At the aforementioned fair today, a scruffy overweight man behind a fairly innocuous booth offered coloring books for my children; this is par for the course at the fair. However, I noticed the booth was for a gun enthusiasts' club, and I declined his offer. I have nothing against guns or gun safety -- my father-in-law is a former Marine, and he's got a few guns around. I've been shooting, and had a good old time. And I will educate my kids about gun safety so that, should a situation ever arise, they know what to do (and what not to do). But I declined. Not a big deal, right?

This guy then had the nerve to say that he hoped that nothing bad happened to my kids before I got around to teaching them about gun safety. I turned around to face him again and asked him if he was threatening my children. He sputtered, because we both knew he wasn't, and he started spouting off about neighbors with unprotected weaponry, that's what he meant, really, nothing else...

My kids will learn a healthy respect for (and fear of) guns when appropriate. And certainly not from the likes of this yahoo.

Unmobile Mobile Homes

No money is better spent than what is laid out for domestic satisfaction.
Samuel Johnson (1709–84), author

The mobile home association must be on a big public relations campaign. This is the second story I have heard in one day. The first was on National Public Radio about the stronger roofs on mobile homes.

Now this story on Yahoo from the Tribune Wire Service about mobile homes in Malibu going for a million dollars. This has to signify that the housing bubble is near.

A former attorney paid $1.05 million for a mobile home that has virtually no land. The space for a trailer is a pad of cement that the home sits on. There is generally a small front and backyard as well as a carport. This former attorney, and current owner of a 1971 mobile home, does not own the land, she merely pays rent for the space. According to the article spaces rent from $800 to $2,500 a month.

I became familiar with mobile homes because my grandfather managed a couple of mobile home parks and owned one. Rather than rent an apartment, I suggested to Daughter’s mother that we buy a mobile home. She thought I was mad (now, I think she is, but that’s another story). We paid $16,000 for a 12 x 56 foot trailer. I think the rent space was less than $100 a month. The first time the washing machine went into the spin cycle, I honestly thought we were having an earthquake the place was shaking. We eventually got used to it.

A few years later, we sold the place for $26,000. We got married and moved up to a doublewide trailer 24 x 60 foot. We purchased it from a mobile home dealer. We had the washer, dryer and refrigerator included. I had a wood burning fireplace custom built into the place. We paid $42,000, sold it three years later for $62,000, and purchased a house. This was all back in the early late ‘70s early ‘80s. The space rents were starting to go up and it did not make sense to live in a mobile home, if you could afford to live elsewhere unless you wanted to retire and be part of a small community.

Now, since a house in Malibu sells for several million, I guess it makes sense to buy a trailer, but only if you want to live near the beach and be on the real estate bubble.

Note: I suspect the bottom picture is of a mobile homes after a tornado.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Whoever said print is dead didn't consider this beauty.


There's nothing like a quality newspaper... and this is nothing like one!

Note the three top stories, all tales of woe: "Dying Dick Clark's Last Wish," "Zsa Zsa's Sad Last Days," and "Regis Cheats Death." Hmm. I guess that last one is actually upbeat. Oh wait -- look at the subtitle: "Quit TV now, friends beg."

Why can't the New York Times rise to this level?

Frustration or
Why The Misanthrope is Misanthropic

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.
Author: A. Whitney Brown, writer, actor

Since starting Toner Mishap October 17, 2004, with B2 and On The Mark, I have been following the news even closer than I used to and now I can certainly understand why most people are apathetic to our government.

I now feel that we have a government (both parties) that is out of touch with the people. National representatives have a different health plan, and, if I have this right, are exempt from Social Security because of the government’s plan for elected officials which explains why most politicians only provide sound bites about Social Security and no action.

I find myself more often than not feeling very frustrated by the Machiavellian machinations on both sides. Then there are the corporate chieftains that have advanced stealing to a new level only imagined by the monopolistic industrial titans of the Gilded Age.

Yet, no one seems to care. Worse still, is that even if you do care, what can you do? I feel that Sisyphus had more of a sporting chance than we do. I watch corporate executives in amazement at there lack of knowledge. I am sure if I were to meet the great and mighty Oz, he would tell me that they have something I lack. He would say, “they know how to operate within the system. Doing something you like is foolish, unless your passion is to make money. It does not matter if they don’t know the definition of rigor or that they think there are 51 or 52 states in the union. As long as they can make money they are viewed as smart."

This is a long way of saying that since Congress is vacationing on our dime and Bush is back at the ranch for the fiftieth time in five years, I am going to skip writing about politics this month, unless something noteworthy happens.

Now, I can just compare Rafael Palmeiro's nuanced comments with Bush’s regarding Turd Blossom, if he were caught leaking information. What a world!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Don’t Come Around Here No More

A record is a concert without halls and a museum whose curator is the owner.
Glenn Gould, (1932-1982), Canadian pianist

Concert ticket prices like everything else are out of control, but there is one person not completely motivated by greed – Tom Petty.

"I would feel embarrassed charging 200 bucks," the 51-year-old rocker told Rolling Stone magazine recently. "Even as far back as 1980, I was in fear of the tickets getting priced out of the ordinary person's pocketbook."

Petty is not out promoting a new album, he is on tour because he likes playing rock and roll to an audience.

Here is a sampling of local Los Angeles ticket prices:

  • The Eagles at Staples Center (worst sound of any concert venue I have been to) and the Arrowhead Pond, and Ticketmaster's prices are $25 to $175.
  • U2 at Staples Center in November, tickets are going for $51 to $171.
  • Paul McCartney asking price ranges from $49.50 to $250.
  • The world’s greatest nostalgic act the Rolling Stones arrive in November, seats for performances at the Hollywood Bowl and Anaheim Stadium are running from $60 to $454.50.

I would suspect that scalpers for the Stones’ concert for the Hollywood Bowl will be asking $1,200 for one ticket. It would be nice to say, I saw the Stones at the Bowl, but alas it will not happen.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Can he just do this?

President Bush has appointed John Bolton as Ambassador to the U.N., bypassing the Senate vote -- he just decided he was done waiting for their approval. Now that's decisive executivism!

[Source]

A Colorful History

A.J. Jacobs, in his book The Know-It-All, touches upon a concept that I found interesting: there have been many groups in human history identified by a particular item of clothing and its color. So I thought, why not compile a brief list of such for the edification of the vast Toner Mishap readership? Fun, and educational!

The Yellow Turban Rebellion
The Yellow Turban Rebellion, sometimes also translated as the Yellow Scarves Rebellion, was a 184 A.D. peasant rebellion against Emperor Lingdi of the Han Dynasty of China. It is named for the color of the scarves which the rebels wore around their heads.

The Red Hat Sect
The Lotus Bodhisattva founded the Red Hat Sect based on the Lotus of Good Law of the Tantric Lotus Division, emphasizing the Tathagata Ambitabha's profound-observing wisdom to be the fundamental wisdom. [B2: “Whah?”]

The Yellow Hat Sect
The Yellow Hat Sect was founded and set up by Tsong Ka Pa, in the late 14th century. It’s just like the Red Hat Sect, except for a tronger focus on discipline, which is considered to be necessary for achieving the self-realization of purity and enlightenment.. Incidentally, Tsong Ka Pa is always portrayed seated, in a pointed yellow cap with long earflaps. Usually smiling.

The Redcoats
The usual uniform of British soldiers during the 18th and 19th centuries was a red coat and white breeches. The epithet “Redcoats" was used throughout the world, but is particularly associated with the American revolution. The term is still used in Ireland to refer to the British Army, and sometimes to all British people.

The Red Shirts
During the Italian Risorgimento (the unification of Italy in the late 19th century and early 20th century), the volunteers who followed Giuseppe Garibaldi in southern Italy were called the Red Shirts (Camicie rosse) because of the color of their shirts. If they’d had more money they would have had red pants, too, but complete uniforms were beyond the finances of the Italian patriots.

The Blackshirts
The Blackshirts (in Italian, “camicie nere”) were Fascist paramilitary groups in Italy during the period immediately following World War I and until the end of World War II. Inspired by Garibaldi's Redshirts, the Blackshirts were organized by Benito Mussolini as reformers, but their methods became harsher as Mussolini's power grew, and they used violence, intimidation, and murder against Mussolini's opponents. The ethos and sometimes the uniform were later copied by others who shared Mussolini's political ideas, including Nazi Germany’s Brownshirts and Blackshirts (see below).

The Brownshirts
The Sturmabteilung (German for "Storm Division" and usually translated as stormtroopers) functioned as a paramilitary organization of the German Nazi party, playing a key role in Adolf Hitler's rise to power in the 1930s. SA men were known as brownshirts from the color of their uniform (and to distinguish them from the Nazi SS, known as blackshirts).

The Blackshirts (again)
Nazi Germany’s Schutzstaffel were colloquially known as "Blackshirts," although in fact they wore black tunics with brown or white shirts.

The Blackshirts (and again)
Sir Oswald Mosley in the United Kingdom organized the British Union of Fascists, also known as (say it with me) "Blackshirts."

The Greenshirts
Plínio Salgado’s Brazilian fascist group had as its uniform green shirts.

The Silver Shirts
The Silver Legion of America, commonly known as the Silver Shirts, was an American fascist organization founded by William Dudley Pelley in 1933.

The Blueshirts
Also known as the Army Comrades Association, the Blueshirts was an Irish political organization set up in the 1930s. Its opponents accused it of being the Irish Free State's equivalent of Hitler's Brownshirts and Mussolini's Blackshirts, given that Blueshirts leaders all wore Fascist-style blue-shirts and gave the Roman salute.

The Black and Tans
Hmm. OK, the name doesn’t mention the trousers, from their comes… but I’ll make an exception and include them. The Black and Tans, more properly known as the Royal Irish Constabulary Reserve Force, was one of two paramilitary forces employed by the Royal Irish Constabulary from 1920 to 1921, to suppress Sinn Féin and the IRA. A lot of men joined, so they were short on uniforms; new recruits were issued khaki army uniforms (usually only trousers) and dark green RIC or blue British police surplus tunics, caps and belts. This mixture gave rise to their nickname, the Black and Tans (in Irish, na Dúchrónaigh), from the name of a famous pack of foxhounds from Limerick. The name stuck even after the men received full RIC uniforms.


The Green Berets
Officially known as the United States Army Special Forces, the Green Berets is a Special Operations Force of the U.S. Army trained for unconventional warfare and special operations. The force was founded by Aaron Bank and their official headgear is the green beret.

The Shirtless Ones
Yes, no color is specified – but how could I leave this one out? In mid-20th century Argentina, Juan Domingo Peron brought together trade unions into a para-fascist militant organization known as "the shirtless ones" (in Spanish, the "descamisados"). (I added this to Wikipedia.)