Blessed are the Ophans

“Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery)”
George Carlin, comedian

Written
By
The Ruminator

Tis the season! This is the time of the year when we’re supposed to count our blessings and remember those who are less fortunate than we – which is politically correct speak for anyone whose house, car, wardrobe, or 401K is less than ours. But the most commonly voiced and applied yardstick to determine the degree of one’s “fortune” is whether or not they have family. In other words, according to the common wisdom, the least fortunate among us have no one with whom to celebrate the holidays. It is the opinion of this writer that the analysis is completely backward.

Orphan Asylum, n.d.
The orphan asylum was owned and operated by the Benevolent Irish Society.

Pity the orphans who are now a fashion accessory for the well-to-do; this is the time of the year when they could have been rejoicing. The fortunate ones are those who have no one with whom to mark the season – i.e., the true measure of one’s blessing at Christmas is inversely proportional to the number of relatives with whom he must interact. Or, as a true misanthrope’s first beatitude states: “Blessed are the orphans, because the lucky bastards don’t have to deal with parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or in-laws who view Christmas as a god-given time when they are free to foist their hyper-dysfunctionality on their hapless relations.

The Doll That Poops In Her Pants

My wife and I rejoiced this year when our youngest made it out of diapers -- rejoiced, I say! But the joke was on us, because for Hanukkah my mother-in-law bought for her the Hasbro Baby Alive Doll -- the doll that poops in her pants. For full disclosure, I should point out that she only poops if you feed her first, which we are swearing never to do.

You've probably heard of this doll, as it's not actually new -- they've just made a new version. But the best part of Hanukkah last night was the dramatic reading of the instructions, which I will now share in excerpted form. As with many great works of literature, it's what goes unsaid that is the most fascinating.

------------------

IMPORTANT MEALTIME GUIDELINES

- Always give your doll a bottle of water after she eats, or food may become stuck inside.

- Do not feed doll more than one packet of food and one bottle of water between diaper changes.

IMPORTANT CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS

- To clean doll after feeding, give the doll several bottles of water until any remaining food has been rinsed away and the water runs clear (it's best to do this over the sink). Tilt bottle from side to side to make sure you've rinsed away any food build-up in the corners of the doll's mouth.

- Clean doll's face and body by wiping gently with a soft, damp cloth. Do not rub.

------------------

And one final instruction that just makes me cringe:

- Do not place any foreign objects in doll's mouth or any other opening.

Woo Who?!

A legend is an old man with a cane known for what he used to do. I’m still doing it.
Miles Davis (1926–91), musician

I predict that we will reach 200,000 page hits today. Honestly, you can minus maybe a hundred or so from me not being vigilant about blocking my cookies. Not bad, getting another hundred thousand hits after we said good-bye in October 2005 here, here and here.

It seems B2 and I have found it difficult to stay away for too long. On The Mark pops in from time to time. He has a very interesting story to tell, but I have a feeling he is going to keep it to himself. I could not stop visiting a lot of the blog sites, even if we have not been diligent with deleting old ones or adding new ones, that’s because B2 left it up to me and you see it I let the blogroll go to seed. For example, I for no apparent reason tried to update Lone Sophist and now we have two, one you click on and Toner Mishap disappears.

Since we said good-bye we have been recognized in public by regular readers. B2 by Cory Doctorow from Boing Boing, and I, once I was pointed out by B2, by a market guru, which pleased me.

Dear readers old and new -- you're awesome!

Even you Darrell, you lurker.

Automatic Whoopee Cushion

It's been years in the making.

Many of the readers of this fine blog are, no doubt, fans of practical jokes, and we proud few have sat patiently for years waiting for the next wave of technological innovation in this important industry.

Comrades, the wait is over.

I am pleased to announce the latest prank gadget to hit the stores, something so marvelous I compare it to the original snakes-in-a-can or disappearing-ink-pen: the automatic whoopee cushion. It solves the age-old problem: how do you effectively and quickly reset your whoopee cushion for maximum fun potential? Watch my demo (filmed in a local party supply store).

Hulk Smash Christmas!

You've gotta click on this pic to see it larger! I don't know if it's the expression on Hulk's face, the fact that he's sneaking down the chimney instead of busting in through a wall, or that cute little hat on his gamma-irradiated head... but this is priceless! (Actually, it costs about ten bucks.)


UPDATES


Here's one where Hulk is, as expected, breaking through a wall. [Source]



And a third one, shown together with my original find... [Source]

Kids Love the Taste of Santa's Sack

Other slogans for this candy my wife and I discussed on our date this weekend (we spent quite a bit of time in hysterics over this product from the candy display at Toys R Us):

Everyone Wants a Lick of Santa's Sack
Kids Love to Suck on Santa's Sack

And so on.

Sunday Miscellany

I look upon every day to be lost, in which I do not make a new acquaintance.
Samuel Johnson (1709–84), author

Saturday I met Bitch Ph.D. She had a barbeque that turned out very nice even as we stood under the eves drinking fizzy pink wine (which was very good), to avoid the rain, we eventually moved in doors and in the background heard the pouring rain. I felt very comfortable around her and Mr. B. as well as her other blogging friends including Kathleen from Planned Obsolescence. It was an interesting and nice evening and just as the conversation was getting even better, I had to return home, since wife and I had different schedules all day Saturday and we wanted to share a bit of the evening together. A public thank you to Dr. and Mr. B.

Much to my disadvantage, I had never read Planned Obsolescence prior to meeting Kathleen last night, and the first post that I read in memoriam literati was about a piece about Gore Vidal’s new book, “Point to Point Navigation, A Memoir,” which I purchased about a month ago specifically to blog about, but I didn’t. I encourage you to visit P.O. to read a rebuttal to Vidal’s essay "…My Backstory.”

My Gore Vidal story is that when I worked at a public relations agency, I had a client who was looking for financial backers for an online music site, prior to iTunes. He was staying at a high-end hotel in Santa Monica, maybe it was Shutters, I don’t honestly remember. The client and his friend were from Texas, I would not be exaggerating to say they were racist. One time I had to take them off the speakerphone and tell him he could not talk that way and we'd have to drop them as a client if it continued, but that is another story. We were meeting them for a game of golf and they asked if I knew who Gore Vidal was. I said yes, but didn’t offer anything more.

*He doesn’t believe in God, the client said in horror. The client continued, we didn’t know who he was and we were telling him about our site and thinking he might be a potential investor. We closed the bar and he suggested we go to our room to continue the discussion. The client felt like they were propositioned by the author and they immediately asked him to leave. Once I was finished laughing, I explained to them who the author was and that I had recently paid to hear him speak because I enjoyed reading his essays and hearing him talk. They couldn't believe anyone would pay to hear him speak. I can't believe they never heard of him.

*I don't use quote marks because this is not vebatim, just memory now.

Blazing Saddles in the Air

I love the smell of napalm in the morning
From the movie "Apocalypse Now "

I had visions of the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles where all the cowboys are sitting around the campfire eating beans and loud inharmonious farting ensued, when I saw the headline:

FLATULENCE FORCES AMERICAN AIRLINES PLANE TO LAND

Apparently some passenger with the IQ of a hoe handle decided to light a match on the plane to cover her malodorous stench.

Meanwhile, 99 passengers had an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

Finally after bomb-sniffing dogs and FBI passenger interviews the guilty one admitted to what she had done. Everyone reboarded except stinky, who now climbs there is a medical condition. I didn't realize stupidity had such a classification.

Have Another Drink, It Will Make You Feel Better

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain (1835-1910), writer

Seventy-three years ago today Prohibition was lifted. The headline in the New York Times that day read:

BARTENDERS POISED FOR DRINKERS' RUSH

1,000 Licensed Places to Keep Radios Tuned In for the Repeal Proclamation

ORGIES ARE FROWNED ON

Countless Parties to Drown 'Old Man Prohibition' as the Night Wears On.


Now red wine is a recommended drink. We’ve come a long way…

Closing Time*

There is no logical explanation for despair. You can no more reason yourself into cheerfulness than you can reason yourself an extra six inches in height. You can only be better prepared.
Stephen Fry, comic actor

It sucks to feel less than hopeful. I wonder if the wind we have around here for what seems like two months is finally making me batty or battier.

A little music by Tom Waits helps to sustain the mood:
Everything Goes to Hell
Make it Rain
Little Drop of Poison
Misery is the River of the World
God’s Away on Business
Step Right Up
Starving in the Belly of the Beast
What Keeps Mankind Alive
World Keeps Turning
Down There by the Train
Road to Peace
Walk Away
The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
Rains on Me
November
I Don’t Want to Grow UP
Lie to Me
It’s Over

*name of Tom Waits CD

W’s Kiss of Death

It only takes a politician believing in what he says for the others to stop believing him.
Jean Baudrillard, French semiologist

At the news conference afterward, Mr. Bush stood at Iraq Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki’s side and showered him with praise, saying, “He’s the right guy for Iraq.”

Is this akin to doing one heck of a job? If so, Maliki’s end is near.

Catching Up

An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion
Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727) Newton's first law of motion

Bond, James Bond
I have been on vacation hanging around doing not much of anything too productive and Newton’s law really does apply, when I am at rest I pretty much stay at rest. My first day of vacation was to see the new James Bond Movie Casino Royale, which was outstanding. Certainly one of the top three Bond movies ever. But, hey, when an audience is building for "24" and the "Bourne Identity" series, the producers of Bond had better do something – and they did!

Ping Pong
I have been playing ping pong and I have found no one who can beat me. My childhood friend who still lives around the corner from my parents is my usual competitor, but he has slipped. We played hundreds of games about 10 years ago and the final score total to me winning by one game. So, we picked up a ping pong table and he is no longer a match for me. Without going to check the score, I believe I am ahead 35 to 7 games. We each have a skunk against the other; his was 7-0 mine was 11-1, which I content is more difficult since I have to score 10 points to his seven. Playing pool is a horse of another color. We don’t even bother to keep score there, he just kills me. On The Mark and I are a bit closer, but he wins the majority of the games in pool.

Reading
I finished reading “The Thirteenth Tale” by Diane Setterfield. I was not thrilled by the book at all, frankly very disappointed. The book I am reading now “All Governments Lie! The Life and Time s of Rebel Journalist I. F. Stone” by Myra MacPherson is outstanding. I have outlined so many pages it looks like a text book. Truly things in government and people never change and most likely never will. The oil companies among other companies were selling goods and supplies to the Nazis, and politics were very similar -- communists are today’s terrorists. Although, I have to say communists didn’t attack the U.S., but our government is using the same excuses to eliminate freedoms. Next up on my reading list is “Exile on Main St: A season in Hell with the Rolling Stones” by Robert Greenfield. I may start reading this to give myself a break from politics. I will share some of the Izzy stories in another post.

Writing
In October I walked over to City Hall in my growing town to complain about the water pooling in front of my driveway from city sprinklers since the streets have lifted because the trees' roots. No action. I called the name of the city engineer I was given and reached him (it was 5:50 a.m.) and he told me how it was probably my neighbors over watering, which I explained I had no neighbors above me. Then he warned me that it would be a while. I waited a week and left him another message. No reply. I wrote to his boss with the following opening line: I am rather surprised by the “I can’t get to you now” attitude exhibited by your group. I would expect something like that from the City of Los Angeles, but not the City of Simi. Within two days engineers were marking up the street, painting the grass, sticking in little flags to mark gas lines, but nothing has happened in two weeks. I actually expected that they would start jackhammering while I was home. I am glad they haven't, but I wonder when they will start.

Find that truck!

Anyone have any advice for tracking down a horrible truck driver?

He cut me and a few other drivers off this morning on the freeway by flying past in the right lane and forcing himself back into traffic when he ran out of room.

It was one of those big semis, all white, with a South Dakota license plate: UO60936. On the door was written "Jet's Express / California 337063" This happened at 7:40 a.m. today (Wednesday, November 29), heading south on the 5 freeway in Santa Clarita (CA), between the Lyons and McBean offramps.

I can't find a listing for Jet's Express in South Dakota, but I figure some of you bloggers must be of a similar mentality -- that is, it really steams you when someone does this, enough to make you write down the details hoping to one day see appropriate repercussions come to pass.

Dissing the Pigeons?

The last leg of my morning commute commences at the exit from a subway station in a field of pigeons.

Today, as I rode the elevator up to the light of day I was overcome by the high-pitched screechings of what I first took to be giant pigeons running amok through the city streets -- perhaps mutant offspring of the friendly, cooing variety to which I had grown accustomed.

But I then discovered that the source of the noise was a new device for deterring pigeons from gathering: a pole-mounted speaker broadcasting what I presume are thought to be pigeon-unfriendly squawks and squeaks at ear-splitting volume. This is apparently not limited to Los Angeles; I found similar efforts elsewhere.

Sadly, it is a miserable failure. The pigeons, having been forced from cozy nooks and crannies in the station structure through a months-long process of adding wires and spikes and, in the end, ugly metal plates, will not leave the flat, sandy area adjoining the station, and mill around the noisemaker without a care in the world (see photo).



Sure, there don't seem to be too many (I'm not really sure how many pigeons would be considered a "problem," but this isn't too bad), but those that gather there are deifnitely not being scared off... though we humans expressed loud, shared disgust with one another. And I almost missed the irony of pigeon spikes atop the pole; I guess this is the "belt and suspenders" approach: if they don't mind the sound, at least they can't poop on the pole.

Stab This Book

Alternate Titles for O.J. Simpson's New Book

The Internet

In Hell all the messages you ever left on answering machines [or comments left on blogs] will be played back to you.
Judy Horacek, cartoonist

I'm hopeful not everybody in the world has seen this except me.

Ben Lee rocks!

The wife and I went to Ben Lee's concert this evening with some friends, and we had a great time! Regular readers will recall that I entered and won a contest to make a video for his song "Catch My Disease," and the prize was four tix and backstage passes! We met Ben, chatted, and enjoyed the show. The picture above is of Ben in his gold "rock and roll" suit. (To preserve our feeble attempt at anonymity, I am not posting a photo of us and Ben.)

The Four Stages of Life

Most of us are about as eager to be changed as we were to be born, and go through our changes in a similar state of shock.
James Baldwin (1924–87), author

Toner Mishap Exclusive…Another Acquitted Murderer to be Interviewed and Write Book

The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does is the praise he always gives himself for doing them.
Oscar Wilde (1854–1900), playwright

It has been absolutely unofficially confirmed that Robert Blake is going write a book published by ReganBooks and do an interview with Fox, the network associated with neo-conservatism and family values.

Fox plans to broadcast an interview with Robert Blake in which the former television star discusses "how he would have committed" the point blank shooting in the head of his wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley, after dinning with her, for which he was acquitted, if he had done it, the network said.

Blake, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murder if he were the one responsible for the crime," the network said in a statement. "In the television and publishing event of the decade, Blake describes how he would have put the gun to Bonnie Lee Bakley’s head while she was sitting in the car, which was parked on a side street around the corner from Vitello's Restaurant on Tujunga Boulevard in Studio City. And, how he would have told the police that he had gone back to the restaurant to get a gun he left at the table and was in the restaurant when the shooting occurred, if he had committed such a crime.

Judith Regan of ReganBooks, who is also publishing O.J. Simpson’s fictional "what if" book, has said she is on a mission to get all acquitted murderers to write books that can be read as confessionals.

I didn't write this blog entry, but if I did...

I didn't write this blog entry, but if I did I would have logged in to my Blogger account and selected "Create Post." I would have typed in some words, and then hit "Publish Post."

But that's just hypothetical because, truthfully, I didn't write this blog entry. And I will not rest until the real writer is brought to justice!

How O.J. Did It [sic]

So O.J. Simpson is going to do an interview on how -- if he had killed ex-wife Nicole, which he still says he didn't... wait -- I can't believe this is actually happening! He is going to say what he would have done, if he had killed her? But he didn't? And we're letting him walk around free?

I wish I had links to those SNL sketches with Tim Meadows as O.J., but instead you'll have to settle for this from MadTV.

[Source]

Jay Z/Russell Simmons Anti-Antisemitism PSA

Stereogum was making fun of this, but I actually think it's great to have this sort of messaging put out there. So Jay-Z is now on my "good guy" list (Russell Simmons has always been there).

Thoughts on the Election

In every election in American history both parties have their clichés. The party that has the clichés that ring true wins.
Newt Gingrich, Republican politician

• W’s political capital disappeared as fast as the country's budget surplus.

• During the 2004 election, John Kerry said that foreign leaders told them they would like to see a change. For obvious reason he could not name names, but once Donald Rumsfeld was fired, country leaders spoke out about the positive change for the U.S. and the Iraq war. John Kerry was telling the truth.

• I don’t believe Rumsfeld will have a Robert McNamara, Former Secretary of Defense under John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson, type of moment because he is just too full of himself to believe he can make a mistake.

• Bush was very successful in one thing, he wanted to avenge his father’s presidency and he did. People long for the wisdom from father Bush and his advisors rather than a group of neo-cons with unrealistic views of the world.

• As I predicted gas prices have already started to rise. It’s being attributed to inflationary dollars mean that the billions of dollars in oil profits are really not enough to keep pace with oil consumption.

• It’s about time minimum wage is upped. City council members, city managers, congressional members all have their wages automatically increased. I have misplaced the article, but LA Council members make in the $200,000s, while city employees barely make ends meet with generous retirement packages that will eventually be taken away similar to airline pilots and others.

• Democrats will be on their best behavior as they try to position themselves for 2008.

• Keep an eye on John Edwards. I see a grass roots program building not unlike Jimmy Carter’s in 1976 – Jimmy who?
  
  

Bush and Dell Computers

If you haven't seen this clip, in which it appears as though the Prez is shilling for is friend's computer company, check it out... and then tell me if I'm right in thinking it's a fake.

VOTE!

It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting.
Tom Stoppard, playwright

James Bond is...The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

What do you think spies are: priests, saints and martyrs? They’re a squalid procession of vain fools, traitors too, yes; pansies, sadists and drunkards, people who play cowboys and Indians to brighten their rotten lives.
John Le Carré, novelist

The new James Bond, Daniel Craig reminds me of Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum), from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. I will happily give Craig a chance because I was never a fan of Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore.

After Sean Connery, Timothy Dalton was by far the best and made the best two Bond movies. In another few days, I believe it’s Nov. 17 the new Bond premieres.

In the meantime, check out who Panthergirl over at The Dog's Breakfast thinks Craig resembles.

Here is some Bond trivia for you from Wikipedia”

• Fleming was inspired by a real spy - Dushan Popov, a Serbian playboy that was a double agent for both British and Germans.
• The James Bond franchise is currently the second all-time highest grossing film franchise in history, after Star Wars,[4] and one of the longest running film series in history, spanning 20 official films, 2 unofficial films, 1 TV episode based on Casino Royale, and a cartoon television series spinoff. Casino Royale, the twenty-first film will be released on 17 November 2006 with a follow-up film currently using the working title Bond 22 that will be released on 7 November 2008.

Rocky Balboa is Back and Older than Ever

I want to keep fighting because it is the only thing that keeps me out of the hamburger joints. If I don’t fight, I’ll eat this planet.
George Foreman, boxer

I had to put the Sunday paper down and this short post when I saw an ad for the new Rocky Balboa movie. I was thrilled to see that Rocky Balboa gets into the ring of the head of AARP to knock the snot out him for violating privacy laws to send people invites to join their old people club.

I suspect it will be a twelve or fifteen rounder considering how old our heroic boxer is now.

It's the Devil's Fault

And oftentimes excusing of a fault
Doth make the fault the worser by th’excuse.
William Shakespeare (1564–1616), English dramatist, poet. Pembroke, in King John, act 4, sc. 2.

Let’s see what excuse the Rev. Ted Haggard will use for his reason for engaging in homosexual sex with a paid prostitute for the past three years pitching his fire-and-brimstone against gays from the pulpit:

Drugs: Haggard used methamphetamine; I predict he’ll blame his addition from over using allergy medicines,

Alcohol: This is the usual stand by excuse. If this is used expect rehab to be next up,

Satan: The devil made him do it.

Haggard supported an amendment to Colorado’s Constitution banning same-sex marriage, on which Coloradans will vote next week. He told a news outlet that the accusations might have been politically motivated. Isn’t that what all the Republicans and hypocritical clergy say?

Funniest Pie Chart Ever - Really

Thanks, BoingBoing, for sharing.

Thanks for the Stardust Memories

Dante did not write in the age of malls, but he would have recognized Las Vegas, in any age, for what it is: a religion, a disease, a nightmare, a paradise for the misbegotten
Nick Tosches, writer (intro to the book “Literary Las Vegas”)

The Stardust Hotel is no more. The famed hotel closed its doors yesterday. The hotel opened its doors at noon July 2, 1958, according to the Los Angeles Times. It was the largest resort in the world, at the time, boasting 1,065 rooms. A portion of the casino’s history is written about by Nicholas Pileggi in the book Casino and dramatized in the movie “Casino” staring Robert De Niro.

I have a soft spot for the casino because my friend’s father was a professional gambler who made his bread and butter wages dealing at the card clubs in Gardena, but made his big bucks in Las Vegas. He arranged for his son and me to go to Las Vegas compliments of the Stardust. We got a mini-suite and gambling money.

I was 20 and had gone to the DMV, told them I lost my license and then received a temporary one that said I was 21, which worked in those days. That was a trip of many firsts. We were having a steak dinner and his dad ordered me a whiskey sour, which was my drink for a number of years; I learned to play craps; I learned how to bet baseball games; I saw my first topless show – the Lido de Paris from the front row, and then his dad gave us each $50 told us to get a hooker and be sure to use a condom. I, being the big chicken, opted to save my money, but my friend was already negotiating for us. No need to go into details, but once my friend started arguing that he wanted his money back; I thought a pimp was going to come in and kill us. Once that adventure was over, I being a bit of a germ nut threw all the linens into the hallway and had housekeeping replace everything.

I believe I did come home with money winning from both craps and the sports book.

We went back again with a group of guys, but I ran out of money and didn’t care that everything else was comp’ed, I needed to go home to study and my girlfriend, who eventually became Daughter’s mother was waiting for me. The group finally drove me to the airport and I had to run all the way to the gate, down the ramp (no terrorist threats in those days) and the jet (PSA) was pulling out. I placed my hands together in a prayer position and the pilot stopped the jet, pulled it forward, and allowed me to board.

The Las Vegas trips with On The Mark (stories for another post) started several years later and generally took place at the Desert Inn, which is also gone and is now the location of the Wynn hotel. I am confident most of my adventures in Las Vegas will stay in Vegas because I can no longer remember all the stuff, and the hotels are demolished.

Inflammatory question

Are certain religious leaders against birth control because unrestricted population growth leads to poverty, and poor people are fairly easy to control?

A Backbone is a Good Thing

A lot of people are afraid to tell the truth, to say no. That's where toughness comes into play. Toughness is not being a bully. It's having backbone.
Robert Kiyosaki, investor, businessman, and self-help author

Senator John Kerry finds a backbone, unfortunately it’s two years too late.

He said during a discussion at gathering at Pasadena City College in California, “You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”

The Republicans looking for anything to keep the country in its divisive political pattern are now attacking Kerry for his remarks. Statistically, it is the less well off families and those without college educations that make up the bulk our combat forces, so Kerry is correct.

The Decider in Chief, 18 Republican members of the House and John McCain have called on Kerry to apologize.

As reported in the New York Times, Kerry’s response:

"If anyone should apologize, it is President Bush and his administration officials who started the ill-conceived war. If anyone thinks a veteran would criticize the more than 140,000 heroes serving in Iraq and not the president who got us stuck there, they’re crazy. I’m sick and tired of these despicable Republican attacks that always seem to come from those who never can be found to serve in war, but love to attack those who did.

“I’m not going to be lectured by a stuffed-suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium, or doughy Rush Limbaugh, who no doubt today will take a break from belittling Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease to start lying about me just as they have lied about Iraq. It disgusts me that these Republican hacks, who have never worn the uniform of our country lie and distort so blatantly and carelessly about those who have.”

At least Kerry is willing to learn from mistakes, Bush keeps getting soldiers killed for his.

I won!

Thank you, loyal readers, for your viewing of my Powerpoint video for Ben Lee's song, "Catch My Disease." I won four tickets and backstage passes to the show, and my wife is very pleased.

I'm still a little stunned, given that I didn't imagine enough cross-over between Ben Lee fans and Powerpoint geeks to propel my video to the top, but I guess you never know...

And if you want to hear more from Ben Lee, check out his MySpace page.

On The Mark -- Poppycock

The rhetoric about how the Iraqi government and military need to be able to stand up for the country is nothing but poppycock. That's like saying the Little League World Series champs should be able to beat the Los Angeles Dodgers if they really wanted to.

The only strategy left at this point is to pull all the troops and technology (which can take the place of thousands of troops and miles) back to ring and secure the borders (including the oil fields, of course, since that is why we're there in the first place) and then let everyone else fight it out among themselves until there is a singular enemy left. I'd like to say we should just leave, but this country is not prepared for dealing with what would result in the Middle East from that action (e.g., dependence on oil).

Posted by On The Mark

Advertising for Osama bin Laden

It is pretty obvious that the debasement of the human mind caused by a constant flow of fraudulent advertising is no trivial thing. There is more than one way to conquer a country.
Raymond Chandler (1888–1959), author

I highly encourage you to visit Anything They Say to watch the Keith Olbermann commentary -- it's titled "The War of Terror." Olbermann hits a bull's eye regarding the scare tactics used by the Bush gang and the Republican Election Committee. The Republicans make sure bid Laden's message gets to far more people than might otherwise see or hear it. This is from the party that is suppose to protect us.

AARP Go Away!

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people.
Maggie Kuhn (1905–1995), civil rights activist

This is my last post on age for at least a week. What’s up with the AARP? They have been chasing me like the posse that was after Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I never applied for membership.

As far as I’m concerned it’s akin to getting notes from the mortuary telling you to start planning now.

Go away!

One more video --please watch it so I can go backstage!

Click here to see it!

Send me backstage!

So my wife is a big fan of Ben Lee, and there's apparently a contest: make a video for his song, "Catch My Disease," and win passes backstage at his next concert (for which we already have tickets). So be a buddy, and click over to see it -- the more page views, the better my chances. Spoiler: I made his song into a Powerpoint presentation.,. thanks for watching!

Just click here!

On The Mark -- Media Snuff Films

When I first heard the report on the radio I said to myself -- here they go again. I disagree with everything Rep. Duncan Hunter has to say, not to mention Rep. Brian Bilbray and Rep. Darrell Issa, all of California. The report stated that these representatives were upset because CNN had shown footage of an American soldier KIA. Good, I thought, Americans need to "feel" this war. A draft would wake up everyone right away when their high school kids are forced to fight as soon as they graduate, but that doesn't look likely at this point. So something else needs to knock some sense into Americans (yeah, I know what the polls say, but where's the outrage?).

The reps called it nothing short of a terrorist snuff film. After the brief news report I turned the radio off in disgust that these guys are still trying to spin ridiculous angles.

Then I read a report in the L.A. Times this morning about how CNN got this video from a spokesman for the Islamic Army. The footage had been captured by a terrorist, not a CNN news crew.

It is a snuff film. CNN was wrong. These representatives are right, as much as it makes me shudder to write that.

CNN had a long, intense editorial debate before showing the video (which, apparently is still on its website -- I won't watch it now), but apparently they weren't debating the real issue. They compromised by blacking out the video when the bullet impacts the soldier's head.

The debate should have been about whether this was news or propaganda.

Posted by On The Mark

Jewish Holidays for Hipsters

From McSweeney's, written by Michael Schulman.

iPurim
Yom Hipper
Ironukkah

(I would add Simchat Torahpalooza, Tisha Bizzav, and Mosh Hashanah.)

More poor children.

Increasing numbers of L.A. children living in poverty.

One is a freak accident; two is a conspiracy

Stingray stabs Florida man in chest.

Misogyny

How many Austrians didn't say anything?

Destruction in the oceans

An increase in the number of ocean "dead zones."

Geneva Convention, Shmeneva Convention

U.S. anti-terror law may violate Geneva Convention.

Destruction in the sky

Hole in ozone layer grows even bigger.

Racism and xenophobia

Scaring Latinos away from ballot boxes.

Scandal or distraction?

Priest denies having sex with Mark Foley .

Censorship

NBC nixes Madonna's crucifixion.

Vigilante-ism

A 67 year-old Brazilian grandmother who shot a thief will be receiving a medal.

Support your local fighter

Darrell Forney is a boxer in Squaw Valley, California; I saw this flyer taped up on a gas station/convenience store window, and had to shoot it.

Biff's Question Song

Yes, it's that guy from "Back to the Future." And I've already blogged about his paintings, so stop asking me that question.

The Ecstasy and the Agony

No money is better spent than what is laid out for domestic satisfaction.
Samuel Johnson (1709–84), author

I am sure no one’s day has been ruined, but there is a legitimate reason for my lack of posting lately. Two reasons actually, one is that work has been very busy as I wind up projects to go on vacation. And, two, I am moving. Wife and I purchased a new home where I will be spending my vacation unpacking and organizing -- happily so.

While I am thrilled to be moving, I am not so excited about packing and unpacking.

L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu

For there is no man so righteous on earth who does only good and never sins.
Ecclesiastes 7:20

For our Jewish readers and friends

New goal: blissful ignorance

I need something to be unrealistically optimistic about, so it might as well be this.

What I am Listening On My Way to Work

Jazz music is an intensified feeling of nonchalance.
Françoise Sagan, novelist

Diana Krall’s new “From this Moment On” is every bit as good as many critics have been saying. It is the perfect end of day – I need to relax type of music or a restful winter’s weekend.

Coming home I plan to listen to Elton John’s new one “The Captain & The Kid.”

Gasoline Prices to Rise on Schedule

Business? it’s quite simple: it’s other people’s money.
Alexandre Dumas (1824–95), dramatist

It’s almost as if on cue. The headline in yesterday’s Los Angeles Times at the top of page four in the Business section encourages drivers to “Enjoy cheaper Gasoline, for Now.” Soon prices will be reacting to concerns about Iran’s nuclear enrichment program and continued delays in starting production at oil giant BP’s Thunder Horse platform in the Gulf of Mexico. Now the facility won’t be open until mid-2008.

This is why I have a hard time believing oil prices are not manipulated through a labyrinth of arcane deals that only Inspector Clouseau could uncover through serendipity.

According to the article, Monday was the first time since March that American motorists spent less than $1 billion a day on gasoline.

As I have predicted, no matter the excuse, gas will be $3.25 a gallon by Thanksgiving.

Ahoy!

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day! I celebrated by creating a special pirate brochure for my co-workers. How about you?

The White Stripes on the Simpsons

If you haven't seen this, you won't fully appreciate this Simpsons parody.

Los Angeles Times in Danger

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.
Gore Vidal, writer

The worse thing that can happen to the Los Angeles Times is to have it sold to a bunch of billionaires in Los Angeles headed by Eli Broad, philanthropist and founder of insurer SunAmerica, and supermarket magnate Ronald Burkle. Entertainment industry mogul David Geffen is making his own offer, according CNN Money. I have no doubt that if either group got control they would take a very hands-on effort to control editorial content.

The state of journalism is in real trouble and I believe the root of all the troubles is the Federal Communications Commission lifting of the concentration of media ownership rules. A further disgusting development is former FCC chairman, Michael Powell’s alleged destroying of a study that suggested greater concentration of media ownership would hurt local TV news coverage. See Anything they Say for the complete post.

Knocking on Heaven's Door

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.
Brendan Behan (1923–64), playwright


October is my favorite month even though it’s going to make me another year older and that much closer to death. And, speaking of death, what a coincidence, I enjoy reading the obituary pages in the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times. When I read about someone’s life and what major event he or she participated in or what they invented or endured, I am amazed. I also wonder about all the knowledge and wisdom we lose everyday.

I am hopeful death will allow me to go quietly and gently into that good night, and unless I go in some spectacular fashion or Toner Mishap gets well known, I don’t see an obit in my future unless it’s paid for by Daughter.

The reason I bring all this up is the book “The Dead Beat” by Marilyn Johnson is rather interesting. She notes that it’s more than coincidence, actually she believes it supernatural that people are leaving this world in occupational clusters. She lists several examples such as the obituaries of Paul Winchell, the voice of Tigger in "Pooh," and John Fiedler, the voice of Piglet in "Pooh," both left this world a day apart. She also points out two scientists, one who isolated vitamin C, and one who isolated vitamin K, died around the same time. And, of course, there are the famous deaths of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, the second and third presidents of the United States who died on July 4, exactly 50 years after they signed the Declaration of Independence.

While this may be a stretch, I do think it’s worth noting that Oriana Fallaci the hard-hitting journalist known for her war coverage and for aggressive, revealing interviews with the powerful, and Ann Richards, the former Governor of Texas, also a champion of feminism, whose comment truly hits home for many women: “Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels,” died just days apart.

Coincidence or supernatural -- you be the judge.

Update: In today’s Los Angeles Times is the obit on Estelle Ramey. The headline reads, Estelle Ramey, 89; Doctor, Sharp-Tongued Feminist. Just add Ramey to the list with Richards and Fallaci. What I am beginning to conclude is that it’s best to have an occupation or cause that no one else has so you can go out on your own terms and timeframe.

Gas Prices -- Where are they Going?

Liberalism is, I think, resurgent. One reason is that more and more people are so painfully aware of the alternative.
John Kenneth Galbraith, 1908-2006, economist

I have been saying ever since gas prices started coming down and not jumping back up in time for Labor Day that there is some connection to the upcoming mid-term elections. Some how the market is being manipulated, at least from my perspective, because if a hurricane strikes or a pipeline breaks that is an excuse to raise prices -- immediately.

Jay Leno once joked oil companies raise the price of oil after any mishap faster than one gets gas from a bean burrito.

My prediction is gas prices will again climb to more than $3 a gallon after the election no matter who wins, oil companies tend to support the Republicans because they believe in the Darwinian theory of capitalism.

However, Dr. Steven Taylor over at Poliblog (where I check in for his take on political events) doesn’t agree with me, and he makes a valid point, but I believe there is some collusion, and maybe OPEC is involved. I left a comment under one of this posts and here is his response, which makes sense, so if anyone has an answer or a theory I'd like to hear it, maybe my friend at Anything They Say will have an answer.

Dr. Taylor’s reply:
...The price of oil is determined by the commodities market, and that isn’t just driven by the oil companies–it is driven by traders.

Explain to me how the administration or the oil companies are able to manipulate the price of barrel of oil on the commodities market.

And, if they can, what would be their motivation for doing anything except keeping prices high?

You might argue that the GOP is good for business, but if they can manipulate the oil prices at will, why would they care about which party is in charge.

Further, the argument is predicated on the notion than an administration that is supposedly inept is somehow simultaneously hyper-powerful. That doesn’t tack.

And you know that I am not an auto-booster for Bush.
Comment by Dr. Steven Taylor — Friday, September 15, 2006 @ 8:42 pm under a Thursday post titled $2.27

More than a Simple Twist of Fate

… Everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It’s easy to see without looking too far
That not much is really sacred.
Bob Dylan, singer, songwriter

What’s the big deal about Bob Dylan using a phase here or a line there from some poet? The words are his most of the time. The New York Times ran the story yesterday about Dylan borrowing lines from Henry Timrod, sometimes known as the poet laureate of the Confederacy, for his new CD “Modern Times.” On his last CD, “Love and Theft,” a fan spotted about a dozen passages similar to lines from “Confessions of a Yakuza,” a gangster novel written by Junichi Saga, an obscure Japanese writer (this sentence was copied verbatim from the NYTimes article, well I changed the word album to CD).

These words are not just blowing around in the wind, Dylan has done some research to find these little known or forgotten writers and poets. The good news about Dylan’s use lines from other writers is that he brings them fame they most likely would not have received otherwise.

I wouldn’t think twice about being inspired to use words from another, it’s all right. I am not talking about plagiarism, more along the lines of using a phrase created by another and still creating an entirely different and new piece. Plato pointed out that the tragic poet is an imitator who is thrice removed the king and from the truth. Okay, so Plato was talking about imitation as it relates to the world, but every now and then, I have to get some use from my college texts.

Dylan is probably not entirely used to Google as a research tool or maybe he is and just assumes someone won’t uncover the source of his unoriginal lines, but the times they are a changin’. It would have been nice for Dylan to say inspired by Henry Timrod or Junichi Saga, but his ego or his attorneys advised against it. Now he needs shelter from the storm.

highlighted words are Dylan song titles, sort of.

New White House AppointmentToner Mishap Exclusive

Morals are a matter of taste.
Mike Leigh, British filmmaker

Disgraced Hewlett-Packard Co. Chairwoman Patricia C. Dunn, who resigned her leadership position on the HP board for spying on her peers on the board regarding a media leak, is going to be appointed to a Homeland Security position.

“Patricia Dunn is a patriot and a honorable America who will make a great addition to our efforts to protect the American people from the proliferating terrorists eager to attack freedom loving citizens,” said an unidentified White House official. “Without Patty’s brave forceful steps we could have had any number of computers or printers producing mushroom clouds.”

An uncorroborated report has it that Vice President Dick Cheney praised her efforts and said California attorney general Bill Lockyer would rather give traitors free reign to provide comfort to the enemy.

HP’s outside attorney appears to have had prior knowledge of the wiretapping and did not stop it. President Bush was so impressed by the attorney that he may introduce him as a Supreme Court judge nominee when one of those liberal jurists who’d rather make laws than interpret the laws retires or dies.

Toner Mishap will keep you posted on any new developments.

A Honest Pig or a Clean Liar

Bath twice a day to be really clean, once a day to be passably clean, once a week to avoid being a public menace.
Anthony Burgess (1917–93), author

I’m in a state of confusion now. I am a major proponent of hand washing frequently (see the posts just over their to the right Try a Little Cleanliness and the companion piece Urinal Selection Strategy), and especially after using the restroom, but a report in "Science Magazine" points out that:

Physical cleansing has been a focal element in religious ceremonies for thousands of years. The prevalence of this practice suggests a psychological association between bodily purity and moral purity. In three studies, we explored what we call the "Macbeth effect"—that is, a threat to one's moral purity induces the need to cleanse oneself. This effect revealed itself through an increased mental accessibility of cleansing-related concepts, a greater desire for cleansing products, and a greater likelihood of taking antiseptic wipes.

I believe most people 8 out of 10 will return your wallet or tell you that you dropped money – it’s just a guess. So, the study in "Science Magazine" may very well explain why most people don’t wash their hands. Now, I’m waiting for the study on why men spite in urinals and most times don’t flush them.

Let it Bleed or Exile on Main Street

“I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.”
Keith Richards, Rolling Stone


I am trying to write everyday, but I didn’t get a chance to read the newspapers yesterday, so I really have nothing to say, but there was the Rolling Stone magazine in my mailbox.

The story that caught my eye was the one about the Rolling Stones during the making of Exile on Main Street.

I am truly amazed that they could sustain their musical ability while taking so many drugs, dealing with sycophants, dozens of women and who knows what else. Somewhere in there you have to have enough discipline to rehearse and record. They did and they created what many consider their masterpiece. I don’t. I consider Let it Bleed with “Gimme Shelter,” “Midnight Rambler,” and “Live with Me,” to be a bit better.

Let me know which you prefer "Exile" or "Let it Bleed."

9/11

I have always considered it as treason against the great republic of human nature, to make any man’s virtues the means of deceiving him.
Samuel Johnson (1709–84), author

It’s a shame that the horrific events of 9/11 have to be made so political. The United States should have spared no expense to track down Osama bin Laden and eliminate the Taliban, instead the trauma and tragedy were used for someone else’s political agenda and gain.

The Bush administration should be vilified throughout history for such a blatant disregard for the country and a betrayal of its citizens.

They talk of a man betraying his country, his friends, his sweetheart. There must be a moral bond first. All a man can betray is his conscience.
Joseph Conrad (1857–1924), novelist

Sunday Television

“Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed” was the ninth beatitude.
Alexander Pope (1688–1744), English satirical poet

Two items of disappointing note on television this Sunday morning.

First up, will be Vice President Dick Cheney on "Meet the Press." Dr. Evil will use Tim Russert's platform to spew forth more lies and propaganda. He’ll tap dance and never give a straight answer and if he does it will be a lie. I’d like to see the Sunday political talk shows not allow anyone from the White House Gang to come on.

Second, is the U.S. Open men’s final. Andy Roddick vs. Roger Federer. I would like Roddick to win, but I suspect Federer will take it rather easily. I watched last night as Maria Sharapova beat Justine Henin-Hardenne 6-4, 6-4. I also dislike Sharapova because she thinks she is all that. Henin-Hardenne comes out in a somewhat traditional tennis outfit and Sharapova has some custom-made tennis dress that could double for an Oscar-ceremony type gown. I much prefer a low-key style to the “I’m all that” style. But, the most important reason for disliking her is that she is a cheater. In tennis one is not allowed to communicate with one's coach during the match. Sharapova and her coach were sending signals back and forth. In her press conference she refused to discuss it and sounded like someone from the White House Gang.

Update: Russert did a good job of asking tough questions throughout the program. Cheney appeared defensive about everything. He tried to again to resort to complete distortions such as "We caught or killed hundreds of top Taliban leaders." Oh really! Please tell us whom you have caught besides the five or six we are aware of. How many top leaders do we have?

Cheney also said that the America people don’t have the stomach for a fight. On that I disagree. The American people will rise to the occasion, but the White House Gang took advantage of our desire to find the terrorists and created a completely new agenda, thus dividing the country and the world.

Editorial Cartoonist

There is a relationship between cartooning and people like Miró and Picasso which may not be understood by the cartoonist, but it definitely is related even in the early Disney.
Roy Lichtenstein (1923–97), pop artist


Here is a book I am looking forward to reading – the Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist Mike Luckovich has a new book coming out "Four More Wars. "

Luckovich was interviewed in the recent Newsweek magazine. He was asked, You have satirized numerous presidents. How’s this presidency different?

His answer: previously, whether I was dealing either a Republican or a Democratic president, I always felt that they were kind of up to the job, basically. And this president, to me, doesn’t seem that way at all. It’s very scary to me that he occupies the office.”

I couldn’t agree with him more, unless he also included the vice president and the secretary of defense.

The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric

When distant and unfamiliar and complex things are communicated to great masses of people, the truth suffers a considerable and often a radical distortion. The complex is made over into the simple, the hypothetical into the dogmatic, and the relative into an absolute.
Walter Lippmann (1889–1974), U.S. journalist

Katie Couric made her CBS News début last night. It appears to me that she is bringing a bit of the morning show to the evening news, which may not be a bad idea considering the evening news needs some new ideas along with new blood.

Admittedly, I am a Brian Williams watcher and I rather like his somewhat harder hitting style, but Couric segments were a bit more in depth. I am looking forward to her interview President Bush tonight.

More Gas from the Oil Companies

Even if gas prices fall, consumers will continue to be gouged at the pump the only thing that we can be sure rises faster that the price of gasoline is the skyrocketing profits of oil companies.
Major R. Owens, D. Rep. New York

Just as people are getting angry and feed up with gas prices the energy policy of the white house gang, Chevron announces a major oil find in the Gulf of Mexico. Coincidence or strategic planning?

Last year every last weather hiccup was cause to raise gas station prices two to five cents a day, but now with prices hovering around $3.00 a gallon and a barrel of oil fluctuating between $70 to $100, the oil companies are reporting $8 to $10 billion in sales every three months the troubles are behind us. Yeah right. Gas is dropping in price because we are in election season, so it’s time to announce gas is no longer an issue -- for now.

When was the last time gas prices actually came down around a major holiday as they did this Labor Day? I can’t recall a single one.

I don’t believe in conspiracy theories because no one can keep a secret, but Chevron must have surely known about this oil field for sometime, but why would they want to say anything until they could get the gas prices up to a point that is close to what they “should be” based on inflation. There will be some bumpy roads ahead, because it will take three to four years to get this new oil field piped to shore, but it will be smooth sailing everytime it's in the oil companies interest to reduce prices or announce new wonderful fields.

Welcome Fall*

To be interested in the changing seasons is, in this middling zone, a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.
George Santayana (1863–1952), philosopher, poet

Summer is the only season that starts with a holiday and ends with one, each being a three-day weekend one announcing the arrival of long warm days as well as commemorating the fallen soldiers, and the other heralding the labors of the proletariat. Neither weekend is sufficient to honor either group.

Only politicians and department stores keep the meaning of the weekends alive with public relation-type ceremonies used to lay wreaths on unmarked graves or to offer back to school sales.

Following on the heels of summer is Halloween, which signals the descent into the holiday season. Fall is a much welcomed time as it is invigorating and brings a sense of hopefulness to me as New Year’s brings for many others.

Allow me to wish you all a terrific fall season.
(*unofficially; the equinox is officially Sept. 21)

The Salt of the Earth

Let's drink to the hardworking people. Let's drink to the salt of the earth.
"Salt of the Earth" by Jagger/Richards, singer songwriters of the Rolling Stones

Without us the rich would not get richer, as easily.

Without us the high and mighty would have to roll up their sleeves.

What do we receive in return?

• A society where everything is privatized and powered by greedy corporations who are further empowered by sneaking politicians looking to make a career on the backs of taxpayers.
• A government that is trying to make Social Security a private portfolio statement rather than helping the majority minimize the indignities of poverty in old age.
• A nation that divides its citizenry by poor and rich with little to no in between.
• A government that continually lies to its people.
  

James McMurtry has written one of the most powerful and exacting songs regarding the current situation of the United States:

"We Can't Make it Here"
Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing, both hands free
No one's paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget's stretched so thin
And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

That big ol' building was the textile mill
It fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
We can't make it here anymore

See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock
They're just gonna set there till they rot
'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar's still open but man it's slow
The tip jar's light and the register's low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day

Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are working two jobs and living in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO
See how far 5.15 an hour will go
Take a part time job at one of your stores
Bet you can't make it here anymore

High school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do
Forget the career, forget about school
Can she live on faith? live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it's way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
'Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore

Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in
Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today
No I hate the men sent the jobs away
I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their shit don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in the dirty little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will work for food
Will die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks
Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat shit, whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

And that's how it is
That's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper
Read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind
If you're listening at all
Get out of that limo
Look us in the eye
Call us on the cell phone
Tell us all why

In Dayton, Ohio
Or Portland, Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool
Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley
And trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore
Music and lyrics © 2004 by James McMurtry

Death of a President – No Comment is Best Response

In our world it seems that as soon as a clear need appears, it is met falsely. It becomes a new occasion for exploitation.…We are not sold real apples or real ice cream, we are sold the idea of the apple, the memory of ice cream.
Saul Bellow (1915 - 2005), novelist

It wasn’t long ago that a movie or TV show would ever touch the subject of a presidential assignation, but “24” has and now “Death of a President” by British filmmaker Gabriel Range has gone so far as to combine archival footage as well as computer generated images to show George W. Bush being shot outside a Chicago hotel.

Artists tend to strive toward the shocking to inspire a reaction, even negative feedback is positive to an artist because it means that people are reacting to the work. The public relations for “Death of a President” are in high gear. I’m not sure anyone has seen the movie other than the still photography used to create publicity about the film, yet it’s being widely discussed before its premiere at the Toronto Film Festival next week.

The message here for groups against any particular film or book is to ignore it. The White House Gang attempted to ignore it by issuing a statement that says they will not dignify the movie with a response, but that comment was even too much. They should have said we never heard of it, and if we see it we’ll comment.

Newest Terrorist Threat -- Taxi Drivers

“When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.”
Mike Royko, journalist 1932-1997

Well, it’s what every racist wit (now there is an oxymoron) believes, but only Montana’s Republican Sen. Conrad Burns had the nerve to say it aloud: the United States is up against “a faceless enemy of terrorists who drive taxicabs in the daytime and kill at night.”

Burns’ campaign justified the slight by saying that the senator was simply point out terrorist can be anywhere.

The official reply from the union of cab drives: “Thank you very much.”

YouTube dumps Singing in the Rain

Drat! So I was on my laptop last night, checking in with the office before back-to-school night for my kids, and one of them (the kids, that is) asks to see "Make 'Em Laugh" -- from "Singing in the Rain," about which I blogged earlier this month. I flip over to YouTube, click on "Favorites," and notice -- many of my favorites have been removed! They've apparently been taken off of YouTube "due to terms of use violation."

Seriously -- is anyone who truly loves the movie going to skip buying it in favor of watching herky-jerky clips on YouTube? It was a fast, alternate way to watch this stuff, that couldn't possibly impact sales of one of the greatest musicals ever; in fact, watching stuff on Youtube with the kids is how I discovered that they like it to begin with -- Sound of Music, Marx Bros, Wizard of Oz, Singing in the Rain... all tried out first on YouTube.

Losing the ability to see if the kids like it first, before buying, is disappointing. I guess it's back to the library's poorly-stocked video section...

NASA Gives Up on Reusable Spacecraft

So NASA has decided to throw in the towel on reusable spaceships, apparently disheartened enough by some Space Shuttel failures to return to the old rocket-and-capsule model. Not sure what they're thinking, since the idea of having to build so much extra hardware and then ditch it seems odd to me. Why not, instead, fix the problems with the shuttles or build better shuttles?

More (courtesy Yahoo)

Cory Doctorow at USC

I saw Cory Doctorow today -- he was lecturing at the Annenberg School as part of the USC Center on Public Diplomacy. Fascinating guy, who is a great writer (www.craphound.com) and a great speaker! I have a shot of him autographing my copy of "Someone Come to Town, Someone Leaves Town" -- but I'm maintaining my photographic anonymity, so you're not going to see that one. I sat next to Angel City Blues, who composed her blog entry while we sat there.

Topics included urinary tract infections, railroad companies vs. oat bag manufacturers, and the reason so many alchemists died of mercury poisoning. (Also: technology and intellectual property rights.)

DIY Iron Man

Iron Man
Originally uploaded by Isaac B2.

Now this is geek dedication! I was at the Ventura County Fair yesterday and photographed a prize-winning entry featuring homemade superheroes! Click the pic to see the full Flickr set.

Honey, when you're done talking to your sister on the phone...

When you're done talking about the horrific dinner she had and the sex and surgery that were discussed at that dinner, please check out this video of a Norweigian band and their cover of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"; their percussion consists of common household appliances that they beat with blunt objects. It's awesome!

Click me!

[Thanks, BoingBoing!]

Freedom of Speech Tour

There are two kinds of artists left: those who endorse Pepsi and those who simply won’t.
Annie Lennox, singer

On the Mark and I saw Crosby Stills Nash & Young’s Freedom of Speech show at the Hollywood Bowl last night -- Terrific!! The show opened with “Flags of Freedom” and the concert continued for more than three hours including an intermission.

Set 1
Flags of Freedom
Wooden Ships
Long Time Gone
Military Madness
Wounded World
After The Garden
Living With War
The Restless Consumer
Shock and Awe
They Want It All
Feed The People
Immigration Man
Families

Set 2
Helplessly Hoping
Our House
Only Love Can Break Your Heart
Milky Way Tonight
Guinnevere
Carry Me
Treetop Flyer
Roger And Out
Southbound Train
Old Man Trouble
Teach Your Children
Southern Cross
Find the Cost of Freedom
Let's Impeach the President (which was basically a sing along with the lyrics on the large screens; see lyrics below)
Ohio
For What it's Worth
Rocking in the Free World

Let's Impeach the President for Lying
Let's impeach the president for lying
And leading our country into war
Abusing all the power that we gave him
And shipping all our money out the door

He's the man who hired all the criminals
The White House shadows who hide behind closed doors
And bend the facts to fit with their new stories
Of why we have to send our men to war

Let¹s impeach the president for spying
On citizens inside their own homes
Breaking every law in the country
By tapping our computers and telephones

What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees
Would New Orleans have been safer that way
Sheltered by our government¹s protection
Or was someone just not home that day?

Let's impeach the president
For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected

Thank god he¹s racking down on steroids
Since he sold his old baseball team
There's lot of people looking at big trouble
But of course the president is clean

Thank God