Stranger Danger

One of the difficulties my wife and I face raising children in the twenty-first century is balancing the instruction of a traditional sense of manners with a healthy awareness of the realities of our world. So here are, inasmuch as I can enumerate them, some of the rules my wife and I teach our three daughters about interacting with other humans (for information on how they relate to poodles, gibbons, and rabbits, stay tuned; I may cover that eventually).

1. Don't talk to strangers.

2. You may talk to people you don't know if Mommy and Daddy tell you it's OK first.

3. It's OK for you to talk to other children playing at the park.

4. The parents of your friends are not strangers, and you should respond politely to their greetings when we take you to a friend's house for a party, and if we leave you there then you can and should talk to those parents if you need anything. But not if they just approach you at school. Unless it's just to say "hi" -- then it's OK. But if they're especially weird or asking you to do anything that seems wrong, tell Mommy and Daddy immediately.

5. The cashier and bagboy at the grocery store are strangers, even if you recognize them from last time, and you should always ask Mommy or Daddy before engaging them in conversation. That said, you can acknowledge their greetings with "hello" if you see Mommy or Daddy already talking to them. And when they say, as they always do, that you are all so pretty, you should say "thank you."

6. But they are strangers again when you're not at the grocery store. Really.

7. The doctor is not a stranger, and when Mommy and Daddy take you to an appointment you can talk to her and do what she says, because Mommy and Daddy are right there making sure everything is OK.

8. Relatives are not strangers, but that doesn't give them the right to manhandle you -- you should always be polite to family, but you don't have to kiss and hug if you don't want to. Your body is your own, and you can always tell Mommy and Daddy if someone is making you uncomfortable.

9. Mommy and Daddy reserve the right to hug and kiss you whenever we want.