Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Purim in the Trailer Park



Myrtle slowly turned the rusty crank to open up the back window of her double-wide. From outside, the hot wind carried the voices of her neighbors into the small trailer that was, she hated to admit, as close to a castle as she would ever get. Her afternoon reverie was interrupted by one of those voices, right outside her window.

“It’s all the fault of those damned kikes.” She recognized it at once: the scratchy, goat-roper twang of Houston Andrew Mahn, assistant manager of the trailer park and, as he was fond of pointing out, second in charge only to Myrtle’s husband. Mahn didn’t know his boss had married a Jew, but why should he? Myrtle had never told her husband, not even on their wedding day. And she wasn’t fixing to cozy up to Mahn and confide in him anytime soon; if there was one thing her cousin Mort had taught her, it was to stay the hell away from anti-Semites.

She cranked the window closed again, and wondered just where her hubbie had wandered off to, anyway. It seemed like if he wasn’t putting away the Pabst Blue Ribbon with Mahn or hiding out from his ex-wife’s lawyer, he was nowhere to be found. She’d have to figure out a way to get his attention – and let’s face it, she thought to herself: the only thing that keeps him coming back is my cooking… that and my girlish charm. At that thought, she laughed aloud. Sure, he might disappear now and then, but when it came down to it she knew she could count on him. And if Mahn ever worked his way up from insult to injury, it just might come to that.

6 comments:

Me said...

It's always nice to hear stories from your childhood.

B2 said...

And here I thought Hector would give away the sceret meaning behind my post!

Chandira said...

I posted this this morning, I thought I'd share.. ;-)
You're a redneck if..
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. Your truck's Blue Book value goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same In-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
11. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
15. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
16. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk

Hey, I qualify for a few of those!! ;-)

Me said...

Gee, thanks Jeff Foxworthy...er... Chandira...

And I don't give away secret meanings... especially if I don't get them.

B2 said...

Do I really need to be more obvious? Myrtle is a translated hint, but the other names are pretty obvious...

Me said...

Yeah yeah. I'm slow in the head sometimes.