Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Cease and Desist

To whom it may concern:

Please stop putting fruit in your Jell-O. I have three reasons why:
Nutritional: It's dessert, not food; Jell-O is not supposed to contribute to your RDA of any vitamins or minerals.

Religious: It is written, "thou shalt not create a Jell-O dessert after the manner of fruit; it is an abomination."

Aesthetic: It looks creepy.

A concerned eater

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

Patronize the rest of the crew of White Trash Wednesday, listed on the right. No, your other right.


Me said...

To: A concerned eater,

We appreciate your letter. We have talked to our production facility and have recieved a response to your concerns.

Nutritional: The fruit is nothing more than colored and processed styrofoam peanuts. There is no nutritional value. In fact, like the rest of Jell-O, they too can be ingested through the nasal passages.

Religious: No it's not. You wanna talk about abomination? Stop making Jell-O molds in the shape of Anna Nicole and fucking it. That's an abomination.

Aesthetic: Says you. Our research panel of three monkeys, an Italian Circus midget and four drunk sailors thought it was beautiful.


Bill Cosby.

Janet said...

Fruit in jello is about as useful as fruit in fruitcake. If I want to eat fruit, I'll just eat fruit. No need to fancy it up all unnecessarily like that.