Saturday, August 27, 2005

Movie Ideas for Paul Newman & Robert Redford

Movies are an inherently stupid art form that often relies on scams, tricks, stunts, gambits, ploys, ruses, or gags that are logically or physically impossible, and often both.
Joe Queenan, journalist and writer

Paul Newman and Robert Redford are expected to be reunited in a movie for the first time in more than 30 years. The reason for the delay according to the actors is that there have been no good projects.

Why not do what Hollywood always does have a remake. A few movies that come to mind for Redford and Newman could include:

The Sting (original movie) – a rookie grifter Johnny Hooker (Robert Redford) tracks down veteran flim-flam man Henry Gondorff (Paul Newman) in 1930s Chicago, the duo plans to fleece a homicidal racketeer (Robert Shaw) through a phony racetrack scam. Ripe with double and triple crosses.

The Sting SS (new version) – Aging con artists Redford and Newman plan one last caper, they become advisors to the Bush gang on Social Security. They have convinced the president that there is no money in Social Security and that they have a new idea called “personal savings accounts that are safe, secure and highly profitable – the stock market…

Grumpy Old Men (original movie) -- For decades, next-door neighbors and former friends John and Max (Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau) have feuded, trading insults and wicked pranks. When an attractive widow (Ann-Margret) moves in nearby, their bad blood erupts into a high-stakes rivalry full of naughty jokes and adolescent hijinks. Will this love triangle destroy the two old grumps? Or will the geriatric odd couple overcome their differences and rediscover their friendship?

Grumpy Old Men (new version) – Newman and Redford would not fight over an attractive widow, they have teamed up to fight HMOs. In this slapstick comedy, Newman hobbles and falls while on crutches after his hospital removed the wrong leg, and Redford sells illegal drugs to pay for his prescription medicine.

Grumpier Old Men (original movie) -- A family wedding reignites the ancient feud between next-door neighbors and fishing buddies John and Max (Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau).

Grumpier Old Men (new version) – Sharing a refrigerator box because the government has severely reduced services to the elderly has reignited the ancient feud one more time between these two combatants.

The Sunshine Boys (original movie) -- Two faded vaudeville legends (George Burns and Walter Matthau) -- Lewis and Clark -- reteam for a television special about the history of comedy. Trouble is, the two geezers can't stand each other.

The Sunshine Boys (new version) – Two old neo-cons reteam one last time in a white house administration and convince the president to start a war for no reason and with no exit strategy.

1 comment:

B2 said...

Hey, look -- humor on Toner Mishap!