Monday, April 18, 2005

Cardinals Play their Version of Survivor

You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye!
Anne Robinson, television host of Weakest Link

The Catholic cardinals will need several days and repeated votes in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel to reach the required majority to pick the sole survivor to carry the most common title of pope as well as the secondary titles of vicar of Christ; successor of Saint Peter; supreme pontiff of the universal church; patriarch of the West; primate of Italy; archbishop and metropolitan of the Roman province; sovereign of the State of Vatican City; and servant of the servants of God.

The winner will be the one most out of touch with modern culture. One of the possible front-runners to survive and be sent to the throne of papacy is Joseph Ratzinger, 78. He has as taken hard lines against feminism, secularism and Islam.

Reasons for be voted off the island of the Vatican include being considered too intellectual, which may get Angelo Scola, 63, voted off early. Another disadvantage is youth. Norberto Revera Carrera is 62 and his lack of maturity is a major downside.

As these men of God go about their important duty of selecting the servant of God, they are frisked, sworn to secrecy and because they still cannot be trusted, numerous anti-bugging and jamming devices are used to keep these godly gentlemen honest.

1 comment:

B2 said...

I heard that each of the candidate Cardinals is given a plate of roaches to eat, and the first ten to eat the whole thing go on to round two, which is mostly underwater. The penultimate round is down to just five Cardinals, and Cardinal Moahoney has only three roses to give out...