Hurricane Dennis [ _______ ]

Hurricanes need better, longer names. The hurricane news I'm reading is just not exciting enough, and I have a solution: last names for hurricanes. "Hurricane Dennis" has no context, no flair, no subtext. So, without further preamble...

The Old Way

Hurricane Dennis slammed Cuba's southern coast and sliced across the island to the capital Friday, killing at least nine people and pushing the Caribbean toll to 19. The powerful storm headed toward a U.S. landfall, prompting hundreds of thousands to flee the Gulf Coast. Strong winds and surf buffeted the U.S. detention camp for terror suspects at Guantanamo Bay, on the island's eastern end, where a guard tower was washed into the sea. [Source: Yahoo.com]

The New Way, v1: Hurricane Dennis Hopper

Pop quiz, hot shot: There’s a hurricane in Florida. The winds go over one-hundred ten miles per hour, the coast is threatened; it goes over one-hundred fifty, people will die. What do you do?

The New Way, v2: Hurricane Dennis the Menace

Hurricane Dennis the Meance slammed Cuba's southern coast and sliced across the island to the capital Friday, with only one fatality reported: Mr. Wilson.

The New Way, v3: Hurricane Dennis Kucinich

In 1977, 31-year-old Dennis Kucinich became the youngest-ever mayor of a major American city when he was elected mayor of Cleveland. A feisty liberal Democrat from a blue-collar background, Kucinich was elected an Ohio state senator in 1994 and in 1996 was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. In 2003 he announced that he would run for the 2004 Democratic nomination for U.S. president. He lost miserably, and is now seeking revenge by ravaging Cuba's southern coast, killing at least nine people and pushing the Caribbean toll to 19.

The New Way, v4: Hurricane Dennis Rodman

Hurricane Dennis Rodman slammed Cuba's southern coast and sliced across the island to the capital Friday. The hurricane then dyed its hair and had sex with Madonna. Meteorologists expect the storm to be "as bad as it wants to be."