Sunday, February 13, 2005

Because you can't go around telling people how large your penis is.



This just in -- for all you guys who want to draw attention to the enormity of your package but are concerned that saying things like "my junk is huge" sounds a little obnoxious -- now you can let your truck do the talking.

The Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck can drive through 10 feet of water and climb a 60-degree grade, and with one look the biker chicks will know you've got a full load in your pants. The good kind, that is. The Bad Boy also features infrared cameras that peer through darkness, and just screams, "The guys who drives me has both length and girth. And his dick can see in the dark."

Daniel Ayres, president and CEO of Homeland Defense Vehicles LLC and its Bad Boy Trucks division, probably wanted to say (but didn't), "This truck is perfect for guys like me, who have enormous love organs but don't know how to tell the chicks at the local truck stop without sounding like they're bragging. Becuase it's just plain massive, you know? The truck, I mean. And my little friend. And by little, I mean big." (Again -- he didn't say it, but we're sure he wanted to.)

What's the market for a penis-substitute such as this? Civilians with disposable cash and a hankering for more protection from the outside world. And a need to subtly tell that same world about the Louisville Slugger in their pants.

The base price of $225,000, which gets you six tons of towing strength and the ability to keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall. Much like your wang, we're sure. For $750,000, buyers can get the fully loaded version that can, Ayres said, detect and block out fallout from nuclear, biological and chemical weapons by over-pressurizing the cab with filtered, clean air. Keeping your unit safe for the ladies.

[Source]

12 comments:

The Misanthrope said...

Has Hector started posting articles on our site?

Jack's Shack said...

Just as soon as my pension comes in I am getting a truck like that. Woohooo.

On The Mark said...

I think they can get more length and girth at the local surgical center for about $5,000.

Thanks Hector Vex, whoops, I mean B2.

On The Mark said...

That was the price they quoted me, anyway...

bitchphd said...

for all you guys who want to draw attention to the enormity of your package but are concerned that saying things like "my junk is huge" sounds a little obnoxious -- now you can let your truck do the talking.Which, also obnoxious, but...

(laughing out loud, still, at this post. Must link in honor of valentine's day.)

Kevin Church said...

See, I daresay that owning a vehicle like that is akin to getting a cap that says "My penis is miniscule" and wearing it to single's night at Shooter's at exit 14.

I bet you can get a custom-made cap for like $20, too.

Hector Vex said...

Man, I need to get one of those trucks. I'm tired of resting my ENORMOUS cock on the dash of my Volkswagon. You know what stings? Hitting a pothole when your ENORMOUS cock is wedged in between your windshield and your glove compartment.

All kidding aside, Misanthrope, Mark - the reason this article, although posted by B2 bears similarity to something I would write is because as Jews, we are blessed with ENORMOUS cocks and we like to share stories of our ENORMOUS cocks with the world.

Now quit being jealous and knit my ENORMOUS cock a sweater. He's cold.

The Misanthrope said...

Hector, you missed Kevin's comment.

Hector Vex said...

And YOU missed my ENORMOUS amount of sarcasm. Duh. ;-)

carla said...

Hmmm....

It looks like compensation to me.

Nobody with a big penis needs to buy a truck to impress the chicks.

Why?

Cuz he'd let the penis do the talking.

Heh.

Chandira said...

Carla nd Kevin are right, at least in my experience, of which I will say no more in public.. ;-) Overcompensation.. The bigger the truck the smaller the penis.. Truly.

On The Mark said...

I drive a mini-Cooper :)