Sunday, February 13, 2005
Because you can't go around telling people how large your penis is.
This just in -- for all you guys who want to draw attention to the enormity of your package but are concerned that saying things like "my junk is huge" sounds a little obnoxious -- now you can let your truck do the talking.
The Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck can drive through 10 feet of water and climb a 60-degree grade, and with one look the biker chicks will know you've got a full load in your pants. The good kind, that is. The Bad Boy also features infrared cameras that peer through darkness, and just screams, "The guys who drives me has both length and girth. And his dick can see in the dark."
Daniel Ayres, president and CEO of Homeland Defense Vehicles LLC and its Bad Boy Trucks division, probably wanted to say (but didn't), "This truck is perfect for guys like me, who have enormous love organs but don't know how to tell the chicks at the local truck stop without sounding like they're bragging. Becuase it's just plain massive, you know? The truck, I mean. And my little friend. And by little, I mean big." (Again -- he didn't say it, but we're sure he wanted to.)
What's the market for a penis-substitute such as this? Civilians with disposable cash and a hankering for more protection from the outside world. And a need to subtly tell that same world about the Louisville Slugger in their pants.
The base price of $225,000, which gets you six tons of towing strength and the ability to keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall. Much like your wang, we're sure. For $750,000, buyers can get the fully loaded version that can, Ayres said, detect and block out fallout from nuclear, biological and chemical weapons by over-pressurizing the cab with filtered, clean air. Keeping your unit safe for the ladies.