Resurfaced from The Misanthrope’s Desk – Orville Replies

I live for meeting with the Suits. I love them because I know they had a really boring week and I walk in there with my orange-velvet leggings and drop popcorn in my cleavage and then fish it out and eat it.
Madonna, pop singer

Hunt-Wesson Foods, Inc.
1645 West Valencia Drive
Fullerton, California 92634-5003

C.W. Blodgett
Director, Corporate Relations

March 18, 1985

Mr. Misanthrope (name has been changed):

We have received your letter of March 12, 1985 addressed to Mr. Orville Redenbacher which follows up on your initial correspondence of January 2, 1985. We apologize for any inconvenience on your part, but we have no record of receiving your January 2nd correspondence.

We are enclosing a copy of the “Orville Redenbacher’s Popcorn Book” which is filled with historical information, along with a wide range of data bout Mr. Redenbacher and his famous popping corn. He is indeed a real person and his actual name is Orville Redenbacher. We hope you enjoy reading this. We are also enclosing an autographed picture of Orville, along with a coupon for our Orville Redenbacher’s Gourmet Popping Corn for your use and enjoyment.

Thank you for letting us hear from you again. We apologize for the delay in responding.

Very truly yours,
C.W. Blodgett
Director, Corporate Relations
CWB:kj
enc.

Post Script: I misplaced the photo and the history or they were a casualty of the’94 earthquake. As I recall, the photo was cheap and mechanically signed, probably similar to how Donald Rumsfeld signs letters to families of dead soldiers.