Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Death Gap

Young people just don’t respect their elders. And once those elders have passed beyond the shadowy veil of death, once their bodies rest eternally encased in cold, hard earth or behind the walls of a well lighted mausoleum, what kid with anything better to do willingly seeks out the gravestone, the plaque, the marker in order to pay respects?

And so, in my continuing efforts to bring peace and understanding to every corner of this world we call home, I present my solution to this problem, what I call the “death gap.”

While many old people die in very boring, mundane ways, there is nonetheless a huge populace within many cemeteries whose deaths were more violent, more dramatic, more interesting. It is those deaths that we should immortalize with more than a simple headstone – those graves should be marked with a life-size statue representing how they died.

Now that's an exciting headstone!

The result will be a new kind of cemetery, one which welcomes not just mourners but visitors of all stripes. They will come to mourn the dead, certainly, but also to witness the spectacle of death itself, preserved in marble or granite or alabaster, serving as a reminder and warning to those still breathing the breath of life.

If you want to increase the foot traffic, you've just got to give them something to ogle.


The Misanthrope said...

Just want we need another way for morticians to rip us off, and for the rich to lord their money over us for all eternity. Also, cemeteries that were once quiet restful locations will be filled with noisy, disrespectful people littering the grounds. Sorry, just my misanthropic perspective.

Anonymous said...

Misanthrope- I agree with you, when I go to the cemetery to visit my mother, I really enjoy the quiet and peace. It is a time to reflect and let loose of all the problems that follow you all week.