Israel is considering using an unusual new weapon against Jewish settlers who resist this summer's Gaza Strip evacuation — a device that emits penetrating bursts of sound that leaves targets reeling with dizziness and nausea. Tzahal (Israel's army) calls it "the scream" (source). Here are some alternatives they could have tried instead:
The Steam
Set up a nice shvitz just outside the Gaza border.
The Dream
A giant, robotic Theodore Herzl berates settlers in a loud voice: "If you will leave, it is no dream."
The Red and Green
Christmas carols -- play 'em loud, all day, every day (and extra loud on Shabbat).
The Extreme
Blindfold the settlers and take them across the border, explaining it's part of a new reality TV show that is a cross between "Survivor" and "Lost" -- then leave them all on Cyprus.
The Team
If you've got a problem and no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
The Cream
Ban the sales of Dr. Brown's Cream Soda in Gaza. Problem solved.
The Gleem
Free toothpaste to the first ten settlers who leave.
The Ream
This one is quite painful, but is very successful as a deterrent when widely publicized.
The Beam
The crew of the Starship Enterprise travels back in time to... right now; Scotty takes care of the rest.
The Redeem[er]
Announce that Moshiach has come, and He's waiting for everyone at the Temple Mount.
1 comment:
Security forces could employ the weapon to overcome resistance without resorting to force, their paramount aim. But experts warn that the effects of prolonged exposure are unknown.
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