Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Who's the cavity creep now?

The toothpaste manufacturers of the world are scamming us. Here's what I have figured out: morning breath is caused by toothpaste.

FACT
When you brush your teeth right before bed with toothpaste, you wake up the next morning with the pasty, sticky, stale taste in your mouth.

FACT
When you don't brush your teeth before bed (let's pretend you're too tired or something, OK?), you don't wake up with that taste in your mouth.

FACT
Toothpaste has sugar in it -- that's why it tastes good.

FACT
Eating/drinking/ingesting sugar before you go to bed keeps your saliva flowing, and leaves a residue in your mouth... like when you've had a soda to drink, and an hour later you realize you have some weird filmy substance covering your tongue and you have to brush your teeth to get rid of the taste.

FACT
When you wake up with morning breath, you are more likely to use more toothpaste when you brush your teeth that morning.

FACT
When you use more toothpaste, you need to buy it more frequently. When you buy it more frequently, the toothpaste company makes more money.

7 comments:

Phillip said...

Aha! You've Found us out! Now we'll have to come up with an even more insidious plot!

Signed,
Rembrandt Colgate AquaCrest, DDS

Devo said...

Man, that sh!t's like crack! I gotts get me a hit o' that Colgate!

Does it really have sugar in it? Or sugar substitute? It would seem kinda counterintuitive for them to put sugar in a product ostensibly meant to prevent cavities...

You know what gives you even worse morning breath than toothpaste though? Tequila mouthwash.

Chandira said...

Oh putting sugar in toothpaste is fairly innoccuous compared to them putting rayon in tampons to make you bleed. Yes, really.

I buy Toms of Maine tpaste, and organic COTTON tampons. Or was that 'TMI'... Sorry! ;-)

Attila said...

FACT

Once you squeeze toothpaste, you can't get it back in the tube.

More devious behavior from Big Toothpaste.

Devo said...

Chandira, your allegation intrigued me, so I did some research. It turns out that this Rayon in tampons thing is a well-documented urban legend:

http://www.snopes.com/toxins/tampon.htm
http://www.quackwatch.org/04ConsumerEducation/QA/tamponsfda.html
http://www.quackwatch.org/04ConsumerEducation/QA/tampons.html

I'm kind of a nut for these scare things, and I like to keep my friends infomred!!! So take this info for what it's worth... Also, the method they use to bleach the cellulose fibers in the rayon is supposedly toxin-free, so environmentally it's no better than buying cotton tampons...

In fact, cotton-only MAY be more detrimental in the end than cotton-rayon, if you take into account American farm subsidies for cotton farmers, and the effects they have on other more poverty stricken farmers in other countries...

The Misanthrope said...

Devo, thanks for researching that. I was curious too, but I was going to wait until the weekend.

Anonymous said...

I'm kind of a nut for these scare things, and I like to keep my friends infomred!!! So take this info for what it's worth.It would seem kinda counterintuitive for them to put sugar in a product ostensibly meant to prevent cavities.